


Why?

by amateurish



Category: GOT7
Genre: 2youngpairingontheside, Alternate Universe - College/University, Crazy Markson, Cute and scared Jackson, Dark Mark, Dom Mark, GOT7 - Freeform, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kinky Mark, M/M, Punk Im Jaebum | JB, Scary senior Mark, This Is STUPID, Violence, Weird Plot Shit, choi youngjae being a tease, shy boy jinyoung, slight angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2018-12-26 02:24:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 52,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12049362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amateurish/pseuds/amateurish
Summary: Jackson is a transfer student.Youngjae is a sweet heart caramel chocopie.Jinyoung has a massive crush on Youngjae but gets his butt pinched by Jaebum.Jaebum is a punk-ass bitch, is the only one who calls Mark by his Chinese name.Mark is a dark, dominating senior who hates Jackson. He will deal with this boy one way or the other.A stupid chaptered College AU fic that I am surely going to regret. Horrible language and too many dialogues, not my style but eh.





	1. I hate you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marksondaejae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marksondaejae/gifts).



> Will most probably be a 3 or 5 chaptered story. Mark is everything to me in this fic. He trumps my love for Jackson's innocent aura with his dark, inquisitive, stalkery kind of a vibe. Shit! I love this Mark. He is going to make a mess out of Jackson. Literally, he is going to ruin Jackson so bad with his kinky shit. :'( why am I like this?

Jackson tried hard to remain attentive in the class, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t really fond of math but eh. He wasn’t a quitter. He made it a point to do things that scared him the most. Something he had read about conquering fears that had stayed with him. Jackson was like the weather’s own mirror. It was weird how the weather affected him. Clouds and impending rain always did a number on his energy, making him feel numb in a place he couldn’t reach. The professor drawled on and on about a concept he hardly cared about and that’s when he heard some commotion in the hallway. Was he the only one who was hearing it? He looked around and found all of his classmates busy solving a problem the professor had given. While they were mentally occupied, Jackson was busy trying to figure out what was going on, on the other side of the door. A chalk hit later, he was scribbling in his notebook, cursing under his breath, desperately waiting to get to the cafeteria and stuff himself.

When Jackson got out of the class, the weather had lightened up a bit. The clouds were starting to clear and he was so thankful that it hadn’t rained. He walked to his locker and opened it. Somehow, he felt like he was being watched so he turned around but there wasn’t anyone around, except for a group of seniors walking away. “Hey Wang, wanna join us for some basketball after lunch?” Jackson was popular for his basketball skills if not for his height. He took pride in squashing people’s beliefs that men his height couldn’t play basketball well. Something he had read about skill being the core of any game had stayed with him. “I have class at noon,” he gulped, slamming the door of his locker. He knew he wanted to go play. Missing a chemistry class was going to be a mistake but eh, he was good at it and even the professor was sure he would do just fine, thanks to all the As and B+s he had scored on his homework so far.

“Yah, don’t bullshit me. You can join us after class but if you slip out without coming to play, I am gonna whip that butt of yours,” Jackson smirked at the offending tone of his classmate. They weren’t close friends but when it came to basketball Jinyoung had seen him in action at Jackson’s old school and desperately wanted him on the team. He nodded and headed towards the cafeteria, which he was sure was going to be full of people already. Jackson didn’t have any friends, much to his own surprise.

His social skills had taken a backseat after he had shifted to this college. Something about taking time to adjust to new environment he had read about had stayed with him. After buying a grilled sandwich, fries and some orange juice, he headed to find a spot at the tables. Like any other college, this one too had sections in tables. The popular groups sat to the left where the desserts would be, the least popular sat to the right. The weird ones formed the neutral zone in the centre and that’s where he wanted to sit. Luckily he found a spot and made himself comfortable.

He was about to take a big bite of his sandwich when a boy sitting next to him nudged him lightly. “You new here?” he asked, smile too bright and friendly for Jackson’s taste: ironic. “Ummhmm,” Jackson nodded and took a large bite of his cheese filled sandwich. “Moved here two weeks ago. You?” he was okay with casual conversation since he actually didn’t have anyone to talk to. “This is my first college. I am Youngjae. I guess I am your junior,” he said, quickly stealing one of Jackson’s fries. “Yah! Respect your senior then,” Jackson swatted his hand which came to pick another fry. He smiled wide. “Ok HYUNG,” he giggled and Jackson couldn’t stop his own smile. They talked about a few things and Jackson got to know Youngjae was a music major which impressed Jackson to no end. “Really? Wow. So what? You sing? Compose? Play?” he shot questions too quick for Youngjae to process. He ended up slapping Jackson’s arm and laughing. “All of those,” he answered, helping himself to Jackson’s juice as well. “Seriously, buy your own food kid,” Jackson scolded but with no edge. “Tomorrow, I will treat you hyung,” he whine and Jackson sighed and moved his plate of fries towards his new ‘friend-cum-dongsaeng’.

After getting done with lunch, he moved to get to class as soon as he could. He didn’t want to be late, too eager to get the class over with and go play some ball. Time ticked slowly as the class carried on. The professor was good with engaging the students so at a point Jackson did get excited about learning new things. And before he was all into the concept, the bell rang, signalling an end to the class. He sighed. Nothing was in his control. He gathered his books and rushed outside.

The weather was so much better than the morning. He had changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top. He couldn’t play without being comfortable. The bleachers were already full of people he didn’t really know or care about so he just stood and yelled to catch Jinyoung’s attention. The game was paused momentarily as Jinyoung looked his way and signalled him to join in. He rushed to the court and high fived him.

The game progressed well, at least for Jinyoung’s team as Jackson shot hoops after hoops and made some sick passes, evading the other team players so sneakily that they didn’t know what hit them. Jackson was going to shoot the winning hoop and clinch a win. He ran with the ball, dribbling smoothly and evading players left and right, he leaped so fast and slam dunked effortlessly, winning the match without even breaking a sweat. Just when he was wiping off his actual sweat, he looked at the bleachers. A guy, hunched forward, elbows on his knees and fingers intertwined looked at him straight in the eye. The stare was so intense that Jackson felt his breath get knocked out of his chest. He held the stare, the curiosity of what an unknown person staring at him with such intensity getting him pinned. The moment was suddenly interrupted when Jinyoung leaped on his back and whooped. The stranger got up and left, a few more boys following along.

“Wang’s my man, we better get him on the team,” Jinyoung yelled and his team mates agreed. Though the opposition had lost, they were still from the same college so they welcomed the whole ‘let’s get this bitch on the team’ speech from Jinyoung that continued for quite a while. They headed to take a shower. “So, you liking it here?” Jinyoung was awkward when Jackson was shirtless. He didn’t expect the boy to have such defined abs and a chest that looked rock hard. That’s why the small talk. Something he read about distraction being the cure for unwanted feelings had stayed with him. “It’s fine. I don’t know, I mean, I am trying to fit in, you know. Don’t know many people,” Jackson said as he pulled a comfy t-shirt and pushed his wet hair back. “Uh. You have me now, let’s hang out more often man,” Jinyoung held out his hand and Jackson took it, a blinding smile decorating his face and throwing Jinyoung a little off-guard. The others were already busy talking between themselves so Jackson just sat down on the worn-out couch of the changing room. Jinyoung made his way beside him and sighed, stretching his legs and arms to relax his tense muscles, moaning as his bones made a cracking noise. The guy was weird but Jackson liked weird so eh, he had made two friends in a day.  

“You know this kid Youngjae? He’s a music major,” Jackson asked casually because the silence was starting to bother him. Jinyoung’s cheeks were suddenly pink and that made Jackson frown. “Umm…yeah. He is such an annoying kid, God,” Jinyoung bit his lip and looked away. “Heyyy, he is a good kid. A little loud and flappy but a good kid, man,” Jackson felt suddenly protective for his dongsaeng. He could get fiercely loyal even from day one. “Hmm. So what about him,” Jinyoung looked at the ceiling as if meeting Jackson’s eyes would electrocute him. “He’s my friend, we just met today. And now you, today must be my lucky day,” he giggled shamelessly, not worrying what about Jinyoung would think about him. Jinyoung whipped his head towards Jackson so fast that he was sure he was going to catch a muscle. “Friend? Yours?” Jinyoung’s voice had gone an octave higher than normal and Jackson had to half-turn towards him to make sure nothing was wrong. “Yeah. We talked during lunch. That kid needs to buy his own food though,” Jackson clicked his tongue in mock annoyance. “I never share my food but he is just…how should I put it…umm…” “Too hard to say no to?” Jinyoung asked and Jackson clapped. “Yes, that. His stupid little face just lights up like the sun. I was thrown, I mean, what is it with him being so bright? Does he ever get a little dimmer? Twenty minutes and he was lighting me up like a fucking candle,” Jackson laughed as he remembered the boy just talking a lot and laughing loudly, hitting Jackson now and then on his arm.

Jinyoung bit his lip again, his frown growing deeper and something akin to a scowl settling on his otherwise deadpanned face. “Wang, umm, hey…so do you…I mean…this kid is…well…how should I put it,” Jinyoung looked really troubled and Jackson was so confused. “What? His cute little otter face reminds me of my cousin brother. Is it weird to have such brotherly instincts from day one?” Jackson laughed awkwardly and scratched his neck nervously, for the first time feeling terrified that Jinyoung might just stop being his friend. Jackson could get too much sometimes. Jinyoung’s posture had suddenly relaxed, he sighed contentedly. “No man, I understand. This college can be difficult for people like him. He gets bullied a lot because ugh art majors are always bullied. You better keep an eye out for him,” Jackson nodded vigorously.

“So hey, umm I talked to Brian…and well he told me why you transferred. Sorry man,” Jinyoung patted his shoulder in understanding. “Ugh, it’s just, it was starting to get difficult. She once went to the Principal and told him I tried to get my way with her. Who does that? I mean what the hell! It’s a good thing the Principal knows me well. He was the one to suggest I move colleges. Good riddance,” Jackson looked at people filing out of the room and he got up and stretched himself.

“Hey Jinyoung,” Jackson suddenly remembered the guy at the bleachers. “Hmm?” “Who were the guys sitting on the bleachers? To the left,” Jinyoung was standing beside him and supressed a yawn with his palm. “Who?” “There were these four-five guys sitting to the left on the bleachers,” he tried to remember if he had any other physical attribute of the guy he was trying to ask about. But all he remembered was the guy’s piercing gaze. “Oh those. Seniors. Our seniors. Jesus, don’t tell me you haven’t introduced yourself to them yet. You are lucky you are a transfer student. We were made to introduce ourselves when we were freshmen. It was harsh.”

“Did something happen at the court?” Jackson didn’t know what to say. “Umm, this one guy, he looked at me like he wanted to kill me or something,” and Jinyoung whistled. “Red head?” Jackson tried to recall the colour of his hair but he couldn’t remember. “I don’t recall man, I was too startled with the way he stared at me,” they walked towards the door together, sipping water from their bottles. “The hyungs can be creepy. Just stay out of their way, yeah?” “Creepy how?” “They pinch my butt every time I pass them. Something about me having a peachy butt. It was so embarrassing. And this Youngjae kid, he once saw them do it to me. He laughed so hard that we were all startled. So annoying,” they had already come to the lockers. Jackson giggled. “Aish, poor you.”

“Jackson hyung,” a loud voice called out to him and Jackson stopped in his tracks. It was Youngjae, holding a smoothie and a sandwich in his hand. He rushed to where Jinyoung and Jackson were standing and handed Jackson the smoothie. “Hey kid, what’s this?” Youngjae smiled wide, panting a little. “This is for you. I thought you must be exhausted after practice. You did great hyung. I saw you play,” he looked at Jinyoung before looking back at Jackson. Jinyoung was frozen in his spot, not really moving, just breathing to remain alive. “You did? Thanks for this, I was really hungry,” he patted the youngster’s shoulder. “Wanna share?” he asked Jinyoung and he gulped.

Youngjae took a step towards Jinyoung and the boy just took a step back as if he had seen a ghost. His face was pink and so were the tip of his ears. “Hi _hyung_ ,” Youngjae said sweetly. Jinyoung couldn’t look at his face so he looked up. “Hi,” he said in a small voice. Jackson was so amused with what was going on in front of him. _Aaah, so this is interesting._ “I saw you play too hyung,” Youngjae whispered and Jinyoung shivered top to bottom. Jackson cleared his throat and Jinyoung got a grip. “You are so annoying,” he clicked his tongue at Youngjae and shoved his locker. Youngjae just laughed and came back to Jackson. “Isn’t this hyung weird?” Youngjae asked Jackson and he snickered. “You are weird with your big smile and cute face,” Jinyoung yelled and froze. Youngjae was frozen to his spot too. He was a bit flushed and had his eyes glued to the ground.

Just then the seniors came by. The guy who had stared Jackson down was leading the group, hands in his pocket, looking smug. He was a red head. There was a guy with really broad shoulders walking beside him and giving Jinyoung a once over. “Hey peach,” he pinched Jinyoung’s butt and made him jump. The rest snickered but the main guy had his eyes glued to Jackson’s lips around a straw through which he was sipping his smoothie. They then slowly lifted to meet Jackson’s inquisitive eyes. After the initial shock of being pinched, Jinyoung rushed to Jackson and pushed Youngjae behind him. “Introduce yourself, palli he,” he whispered in Jackson’s ear. He nodded and turned to hand over the smoothie and sandwich to Youngjae.

“Anneyeonghaseyo, I am Wang Jackson. Sorry hyungs, I wasn’t aware that I had to introduce myself to you or I would have done it sooner. I transferred here two weeks ago but since the college had so many holidays, I hardly was here. I play basketball and I am also a fencer. Nice to meet you,” he did a 90 degree bow. The seniors gathered around the red head who had his arms folded over his chest, eyes not leaving Jackson even for a second.

“Fencer huh? So you must have strong thighs,” the senior with sharp eyes and broad shoulders asked. Jackson nodded. “Use your mouth boy,” he heard the guy growl. “Yes hyung, I have strong thighs,” Jackson answered, suddenly nervous and too conscious of his legs in the shorts. The red head leaned towards his friend and whispered something in his ear which made him smirk. His eyes were back on Jackson immediately. “Do a sexy dance for us. Wonho play the music,” the guy instructed.

Jackson’s mouth had formed an o and he was looking at Jinyoung and Youngjae as if to beg for help. He gulped nervously. “Come on, unless you want to do it in front of all your seniors, class and the freshmen, better do it now,” he smirked and looked at his red head friend. Jackson looked at the boy who was intently staring at his face as if taking in his appearance and committing it to his memory with every detail possible. There was no expression on his face, it was calm and focused and it disturbed Jackson. Who was this guy anyway? Who did he think he was? Did he ask the other guy to make Jackson do a sexy dance?

The music played and Jackson was hyper alert. He took a few steps ahead and stood, waiting for the dancing beats to play. When they did, he shook his hips sensuously, moving them back and forth and literally fucking the air. That’s when he saw the guy part his lips. It was for a fraction of a second but Jackson saw it. He saw him exhale a long breath once Jackson was done, hoots and whistles followed. Jinyoung and Youngjae were standing at the back, close to a wall. Youngjae tried to move but Jinyoung pushed him back against the wall. He could feel Youngjae’s breath on his shoulder. “Shhh, do you want to dance too?” he whisper yelled at Youngjae and he stilled.

“My, my, what a nice-” the other senior who was about to comment was stopped midway by the red head with his palm raised in the air.  The broad shouldered guy then came towards Jinyoung again, eyeing him to bottom, completely missing Youngjae who was sandwiched between Jinyoung and the wall. “Got a nice friend here peach, plays ball well, dances well too, looks-” “Jaebum,” he heard the red head say the first word and everybody stilled. “Okay okay Yien, jeez,” Jaebum raised his hands in surrender. “Come on, come on over here,” he gestured Jinyoung to come towards him. “Www—hhy hyung?” he stammered and Jaebum laughed. “It’s been a while we didn’t see you dance, how about a few moves hmm? Like your new friend here,” Jaebum clapped in excitement.

Jinyoung felt Youngjae bunch his shirt tightly from behind but then he let it go. Jinyoung went ahead and danced a little bit to the music. Ooohs and aaahs echoed through the small hallway. When Jaebum approached Jinyoung, apparently to pinch his butt like usual, Youngjae marched in and back hugged Jinyoung like it was the most natural thing to do. Jinyoung froze and so did Jaebum. “Hey freshman, what do you think you are doing?” he asked Youngjae, a frown forming on his face. Youngjae smiled wide, throwing Jaebum off a bit. “Oh hyung, I am just hugging my hyung here for dancing so well,” Youngjae’s laugh echoed in Jinyoung’s ear and he felt himself straighten due to goose bumps. Youngjae got a slap on his butt from Jaebum and flinched. “Not bad kid,” he walked back to his place beside the red head senior.

“Just a warning. You will not do anything without consulting us. You practiced on the court without informing us, we had a match planned. Be considerate of your hyungs, show some respect,” the senior named Yien said in a very calm but menacing voice, looking at Jackson without blinking. Jackson felt a chill run down his spine and instinctively moved to be beside Jinyoung. The senior got his tongue out and licked his lips slowly as he continued to stare at Jackson’s face. His face heated up in embarrassment at the unwavering attention.

“Go home now, fast,” he said in the same baritone voice and the three bolted out with their bags, not waiting for a second more.

“What’s up with you Yien?” Jaebum asked as they both walked towards the car park. “What do you mean?” Mark fished out his keys as they got close to his Jeep. “Look at me,” Jaebum turned him around. “You haven’t said one word since this morning. What’s up? You know you can tell me,” Jaebum urged. “Wang annoys me,” he murmured, not looking at Jaebum in the eye. Jaebum snickered.

“Why? Because he’s got some moves on the court?” Mark sighed. “Whatever! He didn’t even have the courtesy to come introduce himself to us. Are we losing our grip here?” he opened the door of the Jeep and got in, Jaebum sitting in the passenger seat. “He is a transfer student man, we noticed him today. He danced for us like a bitch, what else were you expecting?” he strapped the seat belt and looked at Mark. “I don’t know. He just gets me mad, I don’t know why. I thought seeing him do an embarrassing dance would humiliate him and make me feel good but eh, it didn’t work. He is good at dance too,” he started the engine and they drove off.

“You couldn’t get your eyes off him Yien. You have the hots for him?” Jaebum went all out and got his thigh smacked. “Yah!” he yelled, it made Mark laugh. “Hots for him? Are you crazy?” he punched the accelerator hard and zoomed on the highway. “Yeah. You and your inexperienced bi ass. Just tap him if you are so enamoured by him. I must admit, he is not bad,” another smack on his thigh got him a little worked up. “What? You jealous already? Look at the great Mark Tuan getting worked up over a sophomore,” he was repeatedly hit on his thigh and arm, whatever Mark could reach as he drove. “I am not worked up. He gets me mad, are you even listening to me, you butt pinching moron?” that seemed to shut Jaebum down. “Jinyoung will report you for pinching his butt one of these days. We stopped doing that a long while ago but you just can’t seem to stop,” Mark snickered. “Love his butt that much?” Jaebum laughed. “He makes a weird face, I enjoy that. You know I am straight as a ruler man, happy with my babe,” he lays his head back and sighs. “Yeah yeah, we are so stupid to not see through your excellent acting,” Mark shook his head in exasperation.

“Did you hear that Wang changed colleges because of a girl? She was a manic, stalked him for months. When he didn’t relent, she told the Princi that Wang had tried to rape her,” Mark hmmed at the information. “I didn’t know. That’s bad,” Mark stopped at the light. He suddenly remembered the guy’s strong arms moving around, passing the ball. His face and neck dripping sweat, him bunching up his little tank top to wipe it off. His well-defined abs had shown and Mark had almost popped a vein. He even had a perfect body. Mark wanted to choke him, mark his skin with his nails, taste his pink lips and ruin him…oh fuck. The car jerked as the people behind him honked. The light had turned green but Mark really needed to fucking stop himself! Damn that Wang guy, he swore under his breath, leaving Jaebum confused but amused. Mark was going to take care of this, really fast.  

 

 


	2. I hate you back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops! Sorry!

The basketball matches were near and the practice sessions were chalked out in such a way that Jackson had to rush to the court right after class. He hardly had time to grab anything to eat or drink, too afraid to get there late and earn stares from a certain senior. Seriously, it was starting to piss him off. Four days, four full days Jackson had endured this senior literally showing up everywhere he went.

He was getting creeped out with how the atmosphere got tense every time they shared the same space. It didn’t help how Jaebum snickered in his direction either. It was always a package deal, Jaebum and Mark. Jackson had found out that the name, well the English name of his staring senior was Mark. Personally, he liked Yien better but the guy creeped him out on so many levels. Jackson was used to the attention, but not from the same sex. He was in fact so tired of girls hitting on him that he just put on his headphones while walking around the school to avoid any kind of conversation.

One day while navigating his way through the crowd as he jammed to his favourite song, he collided with someone head-on. He groaned as several people around him scattered and continued to move ahead. He had landed on his ass, his bag had slipped off his shoulder, his cell phone lying face down. He gathered his things and was about to get up when he saw a pair of feet, one tapping the floor. When he looked up, he was met with Mark’s piercing gaze. He quickly got up and gulped, looking anywhere but at his senior’s face. “Ss-sorry hyung,” he stammered and dared to look at him, his face was stoic as he expected it to be. “Do you not watch where you go?” he asked, tone a normal, rather flat one as he stared Jackson down.

Jackson felt bothered and took a step back as if it would help somehow. “I was…umm…busy looking at my phone, sorry,” he whispered but the commotion around caused Mark to take a step forward to listen to him better. “What?” he bent forward, angling his face so that Jackson could speak into his ear. The proximity was too much for Jackson to handle. He took a step back instinctively as if Mark would burn him.

Mark looked at him again, face decorated with a scowl. Mark grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward so they were face to face, hardly a few inches away. “I asked you something,” he whispered staring into Jackson’s eyes hard. His grip on Jackson’s wrist was tight, so tight that Jackson thought it would bruise. “Aaahhh,” he groaned as he twisted his wrist in Mark’s grip. “Sorry hyung, please let me go,” Jackson didn’t know why he was begging. He hated to beg to anyone but in that moment he didn’t want to be that close to Mark. It was so fucking weird to be stared at like that.

“Why?” Mark asked as he held Jackson’s other wrist too. Jackson dropped his phone out of nervousness, his bag stupidly moving on his arm. His headphones were askew, the sleeve of his t-shirt pulled down due to the bag, exposing his right shoulder and a little of his collar bone. He gulped as he looked away, too scared to see an angry expression on Mark’s face. Mark eyed the stretch of skin from his neck to his shoulder and his breath got caught but Jackson missed this part as he was busy looking around. He was confused as nobody found their position weird. Was this how the seniors usually treated their juniors? Did nobody find this strange at all?

“This is weird, please let me go,” Jackson mustered the courage to speak. “Stop staring at me like I killed your cat. Please let me go,” he whined as he finally met Mark’s eyes. He was sure his frown was going to piss him off even more but Jackson couldn’t control his frustration anymore. “You think I stare at you?” Mark whispered and looked around at the already emptying hallway. “Who do you think you are?” he repeated, each word scathing and laced with anger. “Umm, really? You do stare at me, all the time,” Jackson had lost the patience to hold back. He felt Mark tighten his hold on his wrists even more. “Don’t flatter yourself,” Mark pushed him hard, and walked away without even looking at Jackson again. 

It took a moment for Jackson to get a grip over himself. When he did, he just swore really loudly. He was so done with Mark. What the hell was his problem? God! He was starting to hate this place just like his last college. Why did he always have someone looking over him, staring him down like a piece of meat? But what reason did Mark have to stare at him really? He was a guy, why would he almost stalk him like that? “What a weirdo this hyung is,” he murmured and left.

Jackson spent his day pissed off and on edge. Even Youngjae’s bright smile couldn’t get him back to normal. “Hyung, why are you like this today?” Youngjae whined as they quickly stuffed their mouths in the cafeteria. Luckily Jackson had another ten minutes until the practice. “Sorry Youngjae-ah, had a bad start to the day,” he quickly wiped his hands, drank some water and waved him a goodbye.

Jackson was in the room where the team usually gathered to change. But today, he was alone in there. He was confused. “Hey Jinyoung, I am at the locker room. Where are you guys? There’s no one here,” he spoke into the phone hurriedly. “Oh shit! I forgot to tell you that we will be starting an hour late. Sorry Jackson, I really forgot texting you. We have class in like five minutes, the professor is taking an extra session so five of us are stuck. I don’t know about the rest, gotta go now. Sorry sorry,” he hung up before Jackson could whine.

“Jae-ah, hyung is alone in the locker room, come give me company?” Jackson begged to his little otter of a dongsaeng and heard his laughter bubble up on the other end of the line. “That sounds pervy, hyung,” he laughed even more. “Yah! Shi! Coming or not?” Jackson laid down on the worn out stupid couch. “Sorry hyung, got a class and then need to go to the library.” Jackson sighed. This day was the most boring day for him. “Okay, see you later then,” Jackson was about to hang up when Youngjae squeaked. “What happened?” “Jaebum hyung is here. Yah! He is looking my way, shit. Gotta run hyung,” he hung up.

Jackson threw his phone to his side and decided to take a nap. He had another fifty minutes to himself so he might as well make good use of them. He got up and changed into his playing shorts and a tank top, just in case the guys came in early, he didn’t want to waste any time. He laid back down on the couch and sighed contentedly.  

**

Mark headed to the locker room with his friends. They had the court free for another forty five minutes so they were excited. The juniors had been considerate enough to inform them of the change in their practice time and now Mark could finally have a good time. He was pent up for some reason and he wanted to relieve the tension. Nothing relieved his tension like playing ball with his friends.

“You look upbeat suddenly Yien,” Jaebum wound his arm around his shoulder and shook it. “Yup! Need to release some stress,” he sighed. “What stress may I ask?” Jaebum mocked. “I don’t know, I am just tightly wound today,” he resigned. “Because of Wang?” “Ugh. I had forgotten that he exists. You just reminded me. He dashed me in the hallway, was too busy with his phone to see where he was going. Kids these days,” Mark clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Don’t talk like an ahjusshi,” Jaebum laughed and was shoved to the side.

Mark was the first to step into the locker room and stood dumbstruck at the view in front of him. Jackson was splayed on the couch, his tank top not doing anything to cover his chest. He was in a deep slumber, breathing steadily. His legs rested on the armrest uncomfortably while one of his arms covered his face. The other lay flat on his stomach, which looked so fucking soft. Jaebum followed close and found Mark staring at a sleeping Jackson. “Close your mouth, you are salivating, eww,” he whispered in Mark’s ear and suddenly Mark was hyperaware of his surroundings. If he could see Jackson like this, so could his friends.

“WANG!” he yelled and Jackson almost fell face flat on the floor. The commotion got all his friends to come there to see what was going on. “Awwwww, shit. What the hell-” Jackson stopped mid rant when he saw Mark and his friends standing there. He got up hastily and tried to calm his wildly beating heart. “This is the locker room, not a place where you can nap,” Mark stated coldly.

Jackson straightened at the tone, a frown quickly made its way on his face. “I know,” he stated equally coldly and there were oohs and aahs uttered around Mark. “Are you talking back to me?” Mark took a step forward and stood right in front of him. “What if I was?” Mark’s eyes widened at the response and he scowled. “Boys, look, we have a guy who doesn’t respect his senior and wants to talk back to him,” Mark looked around to his friends. “Hyung, if you treat me right, I will treat you even better,” Jackson said impatiently. “All you do is give me a death glare and yell at me. How am I supposed to respect you?” he asked. “Why can’t the seniors be friendly? Why do we have to be scared of you?” he continued and the atmosphere was getting tenser by the moment.

“Because this is how this college works. We were treated the same way by our seniors. This college remains what it is because seniors keep their juniors in line, monitor their projects, studies and sports. Students are afraid of their seniors more than their professors,” Jaebum chimes in. “And you are saying this cannot be done by being friendly?” “It cannot. Don’t you get it? We don’t want to be your friend Wang, not interested,” Mark snickered as he saw Jackson’s face fall. “You are mean,” Jackson looked at Mark with genuine hurt plastered all over his face and Mark felt flustered. Jackson stormed out of the room without another word.  

“Way to go Yien,” Jaebum clicked his tongue. “You are already so harsh on him. Brian told me what you did to him in the hallway,” he walked away with the others, leaving Mark pondering. Was he really being unreasonable? Mark had issues with emotions, he did. He didn’t even deny it anymore.

If anyone had stuck with him through his madness, it was Jaebum. He was the only friend who was with him through thick and thin, helping him see his faults, encouraging his talent. If Jaebum was saying he was too harsh on the kid then probably he had been. But then Jackson wasn’t any normal kid. He stirred something in Mark which was really disturbing. The side of him which he had suppressed all these years since Jaebum and he almost lost their friendship over it was starting to surface again. He was overcome with a maddening desire for this person. He didn’t know how to handle it. He was flustered and he hated when he felt out of control.

Mark was a silent guy, his best face was when he appeared completely in control and to maintain that, he was just driving this guy away. There went the afternoon, there went the unwinding. He was even more tightly strung than before. He sighed and went to sit on the couch which eerily smelled like Jackson, the warmth of his body still present on its worn out cushions.

Mark’s heartbeat skyrocketed as he imagined sharing the couch with Jackson, touching his body without any restraints, his abs, his soft stomach, kissing those lips till they bruised, tying him up and fucking him into oblivion…shit. His breath hitched as the visuals his brain showed him almost gave him a boner in the middle of the afternoon. He rushed towards the bathing stalls and showered with cold water, hoping it would calm his burning heart down.

His breathing was still uneven and he heaved to relieve himself of all that he was feeling. Jackson’s face scrunched with hurt appeared in front of his eyes and he bit his lip. Because of his own faults, he had hurt an innocent person. Guilt was another feeling that he hated and once hatred took over his heart, there was no turning back. Mark was fucked on multiple levels and this time he was completely clueless about what to do.

**

Jackson sat on the bleachers, the afternoon sun making his skin burn slightly. Seriously, he didn’t know why he had become this sensitive about how someone treated him. He was used to being treated in a shitty way but he had never complained. However, Mark was a completely different story. The whole mystery surrounding the guy and the way he treated him went way above his head. It had been four days now, Mark seemed to have a personal vendetta of some kind against him. But what had he done to receive this kind of treatment from the senior?

He couldn’t think of anything so he decided to ignore the guy. He was going to forget that someone as mean as Mark even existed. May be then it wouldn’t bother him anymore, may be then he would just breathe a sigh of relief and not worry about finding a strange guy staring him down all the time.

He looked at the seniors who were playing on the court and noticed Mark wasn’t one of them. Thank the heavens. He waited patiently for his friends to show and when they did, he got up to meet them at the locker room. There was a lot of commotion when he got there. The seniors and his classmates had crowded the room at the same time. “FORM A FUCKING LINE!” Jaebum yelled and his classmates scrambled to make a line so that they didn’t create a mess.

Jackson stood at the end of the line because he didn’t need to change. He waved at Jinyoung who smiled at him apologetically. The seniors were sweaty and tired. They were crowding the shower stalls so the juniors moved away and started taking their clothes off and changing into their basketball shorts. That’s when Mark walked out from the stalls, hair wet, a towel wrapped around his neck. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of sweats that hung low over his waist. His broad shoulders and well-built abs were visible and so was his endlessly flawless, pale skin. The red hair against his fair skin were making him look ethereal.

As he walked towards the lockers, every junior around him stilled, too scared to piss him off even with the slightest movement. Once he was done packing his clothes in his small bag, he shoved his locker closed and Jackson flinched. He immediately looked at the source of the sound and found Mark’s eyes staring at him. The moment he realized it was Mark, he looked away, pretending he hadn’t seen the guy.

Mark frowned at this new kind of reaction. He huffed and walked in Jackson’s direction. “What’s your practice schedule for tomorrow?” he asked, arms folded over his chest, looking at Jackson’s face. Jackson didn’t respond, looking straight ahead without acknowledging Mark’s presence. “I asked when you have practice tomorrow,” his voice seethed even when he was trying not to get pissed at how Jackson was behaving. “Ask Jinyoung,” Jackson replied without looking at Mark. His expressionless face drove Mark really mad. “I am asking you so I want you to answer me,” Mark moved closer.

The people standing in front of Jackson freaked out and moved ahead. Mark looked in their direction and gestured them to move out. They made their way towards the court, giving Jackson pitiful looks. Jinyoung gulped as he passed Jackson. Mark and Jackson were left in the locker room alone while the rest of the seniors were busy showering.

Jackson still didn’t look at Mark, he kept looking ahead like Mark didn’t exist. “Look at me,” Mark moved even closer, his toes touching Jackson’s. “Stop intimidating me,” Jackson yelled and shoved Mark. Mark lost what little control he had over himself and moved to pin Jackson against the wall. “You pushed me? Huh? You pushed me?” Mark had his fingers around Jackson’s neck so fast that Jackson squeaked. He looked bewildered at Mark’s actions and his fear gave Mark a new high. His grip tightened around his neck and Jackson groaned. His fingers were around Mark’s to try and loosen the hold. “You are driving me insane Wang, fuck,” Mark let go of his throat and punched the wall in frustration. Jackson heaved and looked at Mark’s bruised knuckles, not knowing what just happened. “Hyung…you are bleeding,” he whispered.

His bleeding and throbbing knuckles were least of his problems. Jackson’s face was right in front of him. His chocolate brown eyes were full of fear and hesitation. He rubbed his throat repeatedly to feel better and then he cried. Tears streamed through his eyes silently and Mark took a step back instantly. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know why he had gotten so violent with Jackson. His head started throbbing.

“Oh my God,” he clenched his hair. “Shit,” he closed his eyes and crouched on the floor. “Hyung…” he whispered and Mark looked up. “I hate you,” he said and ran out of the room.  

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...Jackson is sensitive...no matter how strong he appears. And yeah, Mark has issues. He has anger management issues. But his issues get doubled when is angry and he can't really figure out why. I hope you are liking where this is going.


	3. Unbelievable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry okay? Mark has serious issues, let's be forgiving. Let's love Jaebum more. I hope you enjoy!

The loud thud had alerted Jaebum, he knew something had gone wrong. It was his protective instinct for his best friend that compelled him to take matters into his own hands. He quickly asked his other friends, who by now were familiar with Mark’s outbursts to leave them alone. They had slipped out as silently as they could, worriedly looking at Mark’s crouching form on the floor. Jaebum had locked the door of the room and slowly approached Mark. “Yien, what happened?” Mark winced at his voice and got up with a flash.

“Yien?” Jaebum looked at him with worry. The frown on Mark’s face coupled with a few stray tears that dotted his cheeks made him restless. He could sense his tense shoulders, his defensive stance and the overall simmering, angry vibes that Mark’s body were conjuring. _Oh no_ , _did he hurt himself again? Did he hurt the Wang kid? So not good_ , he thought as he gulped nervously. “Leave me alone,” Mark yelled and Jaebum staggered a step behind. “Yien, you are-” “I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE,” he yelled even harder. Jaebum closed his eyes in frustration. “I cannot,” he whispered. “You are having a meltdown, I will not go.”

What happened next was surely something Jaebum expected to happen but he could never prepare himself for it. Mark pushed him against the wall hard and pulled his head back by the hair. “Who do you think you are? Get the fuck out of here Jaebum,” his words were venomous and pierced his heart. He knew Mark wasn’t himself when he was angry, he completely became a different person but it still hurt to hear him say things like these. “I am your best friend,” he said silently, looking into Mark’s eyes, which could definitely burn anything and everything around, that’s how intense his anger was.

Mark let his hair go and caged him. His breathing was strained and Jaebum could guess his heart was hammering in his chest. “I choked him,” he whispered and suddenly banged his fist into the wall. His already hurt knuckles made him yell in pain but he raised his fist again to hit the wall. Jaebum stopped him just in time. He pushed his arm down with all the power he could muster in that moment. Mark moved closer and quickly peppered his neck with sloppy kisses. Jaebum squeaked and tried so hard to not punch him in the face. His hurried hands went under his t-shirt before he knew it and roughly roamed around his torso. “Yien…” he pleaded but Mark was too lost in his daze. He grabbed the hem of Jaebum’s t-shirt and impatiently pulled it over Jaebum’s head. “Yien, what are you doing…” his voice was resigned but low. He covered his chest by crossing his arms over it. Mark pulled them apart and held his wrists tightly. Jaebum wrestled with him to snap him out of it but Mark was terribly overpowering. “The juniors will be here any moment Yien, what are you doing?” he asked him restlessly. “I want…” Mark licked his collar bone and proceeded to lick his chest, biting his nub and eliciting a groan. Jaebum tried really hard to not land a kick in Mark’s groin. “Jackson, Jackson, please,” Mark whispered. “YIEN! Snap out of it,” he yelled and Mark’s knees buckled. He hugged the lower half of Jaebum’s body tightly.

Jaebum sighed, trying really hard to calm his raging heart down. This wasn’t the first time Mark had lost his sense due to a havoc of emotions. Jaebum’s guilt made him adjust with whatever Mark threw at him in his moments of despair because he had broken Mark’s heart. Two years and he still couldn’t forget the look on Mark’s face upon hearing his rejection. He kept on telling himself that him being straight had everything to do with what happened between them but somewhere he felt he was afraid of Mark. His rejection had only aggravated Mark’s condition but he knew he had to be honest with Mark. He loved Mark, just not in the way Mark expected him to.

“Hyungie…you are okay, calm down,” he combed his fingers through Mark’s red locks and massaged his scalp. He could hear Mark sobbing and it broke his heart. “I am sorry Jae, I am so sorry,” he suddenly wailed and his body shook with an intense flood of emotions. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, I am not mad, I am not mad, I am here, it’s okay,” he crouched down and hugged him, uttering soothing words in his ear. It took twenty minutes for Mark to completely calm down. Jaebum rocked him like a baby in his arms, and slowly but surely Mark came back to himself. “We need to go see the doctor,” Jaebum whispered and Mark hugged him tighter and whimpered. “I said I was sorry,” he cried and Jaebum clicked his tongue. “This isn’t about what you tried to do to me, it is about you being okay.” Mark had landed his head in his lap and Jaebum patted him slowly. “You turn into someone you aren’t. The soft hearted, ever smiling boy that I know just disappears. It’s my fault, isn’t it?” he sighed. “I wish I could be with you like you wanted me to hyung, I really do. But, I am sorry, I can’t,” he bent down and nuzzled into Mark’s hair. “I still think about that day sometimes Jae. I remember how I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I remember how much it hurt to see you with someone who wasn’t me. I don’t want to experience that again. Jackson…he cannot be controlled. He scares me. It’s like revisiting the past again. I can’t take my eyes off him. What if he too rejects me? He said he hates me,” he gulped, throat forming a lump.

“Listen, you fucking choked him. Is he supposed to love you after that?” Jaebum asked and Mark straightened to look into his eyes. “He is just a kid. He is new, shy and you have been a jerk to him since the beginning. If you want him so bad, mend your ways, stupid,” Jaebum bent forward to pick his t-shirt up. Mark hesitantly touched his nipple which looked bruised and swollen. “Hey….stop that,” Jaebum swatted his hand away. “I am sorry about that, I just…lost control,” he sighed. “Yeah and so fucking insulting. You were touching me and uttering Jackson’s name. Eww man,” he slapped Mark’s arm. “You want me to utter your name when I touch you?” Mark snickered. “Fucking touch me again and I am going to kick your balls,” Jaebum hissed as he wore his t-shirt. “Seriously, I am sorry Jaebum. I hate myself for what I did today. To you and to Jackson. You are right. I must see the doctor. If I ever attack you like this again, just kick me or hit me,” he got up and went to get a shirt. “Yeah, I will. Let’s patch your hand up,” he quickly got the first aid kit and started cleaning the wound. He wrapped a bandage around his knuckles carefully as they sat comfortably on the couch. “I will take an appointment for tomorrow. I am taking you to the doctor,” he said seriously and much against his wish, Mark nodded. “Be right back,” Jaebum rushed to the washroom.

Once he was alone, Jaebum broke down, tears streaming down his face unhindered. He covered his mouth in order to muffle any noise. He had turned Mark into this. It was his fault. Mark always had an issue with his liking for both male and female partners. Jaebum was the first boy he had ever liked. Since the very first experience of liking a guy was horrid for him, thanks to Jaebum’s rejection, Mark had developed a stigma against himself and his sexuality. Mark had fucked every girl in college after Jaebum had rejected him but he had lost a part of himself he could never bring back. He had never taken interest in any boy, no matter how many approached him. He had stuck to having flings with girls or just being alone. Jaebum, in turn, couldn’t have a stable relationship with any girl. The guilt of breaking his best friend’s heart had made him super sensitive about Mark and girls he had dated found it difficult to deal with. ‘You are always thinking about Mark’ ‘Can you please concentrate on us better?’ ‘We can’t do this anymore, you are too attached to your best friend. Are you really straight?’ Jaebum had had to answer all these questions while Mark had become reclusive and his anger had bottled up day after day.

And now, Jackson was taking him back and making him question his sexuality again. It didn’t help that Jackson, at least to Jaebum, appeared straight and did not get enamoured by Mark’s charm or his handsome looks. They had started on the wrong foot but Mark really wanted Jackson and he had seen it today. Mark’s voice had wavered when he had uttered Jackson’s name. It was starting to get more than physical. It was becoming more like an obsession and that wasn’t good at all.  What if Mark hurt him again? It would be surprising if Jackson didn’t complain about Mark to the Dean or the Principal after what Mark did to him today. He prayed to God that the boy didn’t do something to get Mark expelled for good. Jaebum was going to be with Mark as his best friend until the guy found true happiness and never felt anger in his heart again. Hazing juniors was just a way for him to release some of those pent up emotions. Jaebum pulled himself together and washed his face.

Soon enough, the juniors piled in. They had played longer than anticipated and rushed into the shower stalls to quickly get cleaned up. Jaebum walked out and started searching for Mark. He was standing against the door frame looking towards the court. He looked at all the juniors that were in the room but couldn’t find Jackson. “Peach, where’s your new friend?” Jaebum whispered to Jinyoung and he stilled. “I am not sure, he didn’t come to play. May be he was not well. He just ran away,” he answered without looking at Jaebum. _Oh shit._ “Can you ask him to come talk to me when you see him tomorrow? Tell him I need to see him and it’s urgent. Better, just give me his phone number, will you?” he fished out his phone and waited for Jinyoung to tell him Jackson’s number. Jinyoung looked apprehensive and scared. “Hyung…can I just ask him if it’s okay for me to share his number? I mean…he might get mad,” Jinyoung’s voice was full of fear and Jaebum understood. “Okay. How about this? I will talk to him using your phone. Just a five minute call? Please? Your hyung is begging you. Can you see how urgent this is?” Jaebum pleaded. Jinyoung nodded fervently.

“Jinyoungie, I will call you back? Not in the mood to talk,” Jackson said without even saying hello. “Wang, it’s me, Jaebum,” he could hear the stilling silence on the other end. “Listen, I just need to talk to you for a moment. Can you please listen to me?” Jaebum was patient but he couldn’t deny the restlessness that took over him. “What is it hyung?” Jaebum sighed. He didn’t know where to start. “Mark…he has issues. He told me what he did…” “I don’t want to talk about him hyung,” “Listen to me once, please…” Jackson clicked his tongue is annoyance. “He is not a bad guy…it’s just that he is a bit aggravated right now. Can I please request you to forgive him this once? I promise I will take care that he doesn’t bother you again. Please,” Jaebum pleaded and Jackson was thrown by how genuine the man sounded. “Tell him to stop crossing my path hyung or I might lose my patience with him. I don’t know what his problem is, I just hate him.” Jaebum closed his eyes at the statement. “You won’t, once you get to know him better. He is an amazing guy, he just appears a little difficult. He will not bother you again, please forgive him.” “I will. I just don’t want to talk to him or any of you people to come bother me. Deal?” “Deal. Thanks Wang,” Jaebum said and hung up.

“What…what did Mark hyung do to Wang?” Jinyoung asked, albeit hesitantly. “None of your business peach. If he wants to tell you, he will. I cannot, at this moment, I cannot. Thanks for helping me, I promise to not pinch your butt for a week,” he winked and left.

**

Finally, the day of the match had come. The visiting team was exceptional, not having lost a single match throughout the year. This was the very first time that the entire team was made of sophomores, no seniors or freshmen were on it. To say that Jackson was nervous was an understatement, it was his old team, his old college team! They knew how he played, they knew his weakness, his strengths and there was no way they weren’t going to use this knowledge to win. Jackson was going to use his own knowledge well too!

“Are you okay?” Jinyoung patted his shoulder and Jackson came out of his thoughts. “Yup, a bit nervous. All those guys are my friends, you know. We won so many matches together, even crushed this college’s team the previous year,” he smirked and Jinyoung pouted. “It’s just a bit weird, that’s all,” he scratched the back of his neck. “Do I need to question your loyalties?” “Yah! No need. I am going to play well.”

Jaebum had kept his promise of keeping Mark away from Jackson, much to Jackson’s delight. So it was least of his worries when he got on the court for warm up, around two hours before the match. He and Jinyoung practiced shooting hoops and block. “At this rate, you are going to kill that team. Shit, you are good,” Jinyoung clapped his hands and panted.

“You will get tired if you practice more, take a break,” a voice startled them. Mark was standing near the bleachers, hands in his pocket, no expression on his face but a slight glint in his eyes as he looked at Jackson. “I can take care of myself, thanks,” Jackson retorted, not even looking in his direction. Jinyoung gulped, unsure what to say. “Do you want to expend all your energy right now?” Mark asked softly and Jackson stared at him surprised. “What? Suddenly you are concerned about me?” Jackson shot another airball and Jinyoung clapped like a seal. Mark bit his lip and continued to look at Jackson. “I care for all my juniors,” Mark replied. He got two bottles of fruit juice from his bag and headed towards the court. Jackson wasn’t paying attention as he was busy taking a three-pointer. Jinyoung’s eyes widened as he looked at Mark, holding the bottle in front of him. He accepted the bottle and couldn’t help but smile. Mark nodded, leaving Jinyoung a little disappointed at him not smiling back. Jinyoung was petty.

Just when Mark approached Jackson, he turned around and bumped into Mark, falling over him as he lay flat on the ground. Jinyoung had his hand on his mouth in surprise. Was Jackson going to get hit for making Mark fall down? He looked around to see if he could call anyone for help in case things got bad. But there was no one around. Jackson had his palms flat on either sides of Mark’s face, which was quickly turning red. It was like Mark had stopped breathing while Jackson was panting. Jackson was surprised to see Mark immobilized and a lack of a frown on his usually frowny face threw him off guard. He gulped, remembering the last time he was this close to Mark. Mark’s lips parted and he gulped as he looked into Jackson’s eyes. Jackson scrambled back up, the movement causing Mark to immediately close his eyes.

Mark got up, feeling a little dizzy, heart almost threatening to leap out of his chest. “Still don’t watch where you go, do you?” “It’s because you are invisible to me,” Jackson retorted back, turning around. “Drink this,” Mark moved to give him the bottle which completely surprised Jackson. “Next thing I know, you will be feeding me food. Stop over compensating _Mark_ ,” Jackson looked at the bottle in his hand and then at his face. It was expressionless again, eyes completely focused on him. “Jackson…” Jinyoung uttered in fear and moved towards them both slowly, stopping a few steps away, as if he was going to defend Jackson if Mark decided to throw a punch. “What? Why is he even here? By the way, where’s your passé? Did they get bored of you already?” “Jackson!” Jinyoung’s tone was a warning which Jackson didn’t heed. Mark was still holding the bottle, absolutely not reacting to whatever Jackson had said. It was starting to piss Jackson off. Wasn’t reacting the only thing that Mark was good at? “Drink.” Mark moved the bottle in his hand towards Jackson again. “I don’t want to, please go,” Jackson moved away. Mark followed him closely with the bottle still in his hand.

“Stop chasing me, God!” Jackson squeaked as he saw Mark follow him. “Drink,” Mark said softly. “Jesus, this hyung is unbelievable,” Jackson snatched the bottle from his hand and started to drink the damn juice. “Happy? Go away now, palli,” Jackson looked at him irritated. Then something happened which completely froze Jackson. Mark fucking smiled, showing off his perfect teeth, eyes crinkling in the most adorable away, his whole face radiating like the sun. He opened his eyes, smile still gracing his lips and looked at Jackson with so much adoration that Jackson couldn’t believe it. “All the best for the match,” he whispered, only for Jackson to hear. The tips of Mark’s ears were red, a blush quickly creeping to his neck. He quickly walked away, not looking back.

“Oh my God! There you are,” Jaebum came panting. He was perplexed as he saw both Jinyoung and Jackson holding the juice bottles Mark had bought at the cafeteria. He looked at Jackson in worry and shot an apologetic glance at him. Jackson just shook his head and he relaxed. Mark ran to Jaebum, held his hand and sprinted away, leaving a very confused Jackson behind, still holding the bottle in his hand and looking at the direction Mark had run in.

“That _hyung likesssss you_ ,” Jinyoung sing-songed. Jackson threw the cap of the juice bottle at Jinyoung. “Are you crazy? He fucking hates my guts and I don’t particularly like him either,” he sipped the juice, much to Jinyoung’s amusement. “We will see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I please take this sassy Jackson home? And what's with Mark being oh so cute? May be the meds are working? :P or is Jackson his medicine?


	4. Up the game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark's going all in!

One phenomenal win later, Jackson was surrounded with so many people who wanted to be his friend. It was his moment of feeling at home. His social bug was back and he would be kidding if he said he didn’t enjoy the attention. The girls threw themselves at him, as if it wasn’t already happening. Guys were ‘hey bro’, ‘hey champ-ing’ him and he was having the time of his life. Still, the comfort he found in the company of Jinyoung and Youngjae didn’t seem to fade. Jackson was simple in so many ways. One smile and a good hello was all it took for him to generously give out affection and in most cases undying friendship. He had had shitty experiences in his life where people cheated him, took advantage of his kindness, made him do things which he didn’t want to do by emotionally blackmailing him. He was a little stronger if not more than what he used to be before he moved colleges and he was glad he hadn’t found trouble yet.

The seniors had laid off a bit for over two weeks since the match. But Jackson was smart enough to figure it was just because they had their assignments due, exams around the corner. They couldn’t be found anywhere but at the library or the computer lab making projects and the juniors knew exactly how to avoid them. “It’s called adaptation,” Jackson had snickered when they had successfully evaded another group of seniors. Jackson had completely forgot about a senior named Mark. His bright and positive disposition allowed him to move on from dark memories faster than normal people. It was a blessing but the whole part of living the horrific moment and getting his heart broken in that one moment did not evade him. Mark had not crossed his path since two whole weeks and it wasn’t even a problem for him. Not until today.

Jackson, Jinyoung and Youngjae were sitting at the cafeteria, ridiculing the poor quality of food served there. Christmas was near so all of them were just relaxing, enjoying the last few days of college. Just when Jackson thought his life was close to perfect, Mark had come barging into his life without leaving him an escape route.

Mark was also at the cafeteria with his friends and had chosen the table right across from Jackson’s. It wasn’t intentional but Mark couldn’t complain about the view. A laughing and happy Jackson chatting up Youngjae and Jinyoung. Mark chewed on his fry slowly as he sucked in every detail of Jackson’s radiant face while nodding to whatever his friends were saying. Jackson was taking a bite of his sandwich when he felt eyes on him. He looked straight ahead and caught Mark licking his lips of ketchup. Jackson felt taken aback, like a deer caught in headlights as Mark’s eyes scanned his face with excruciating detail. He averted his gaze, unable to suppress the pit that had formed in his stomach, a nervous buzz running under his veins. Jinyoung seemed to notice and bent ahead to see who it was that had gotten Jackson to shut up instantly. “Oh, hyung is back at it?” he whispered and Jackson snapped his head at him. “Huh?” “The hyung that _likes_ you is back at ogling you,” he snorted. “He does not like me, what rubbish,” Jackson clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Then how do you explain his lingering gaze on your pretty, radiant face?” “Yah hyung! Mind your own business,” Youngjae interjected and Jinyoung’s eyes widened. The frown on Youngjae’s face was confusing to say the least but never before had he spoken to Jinyoung like that. “What’s with you talking to Jinyoung like that?” Jackson looked at him confused. He just turned his face away with a pout.

“He is so weird, staring at me like I am some…look, look,” he looked at Mark again, who by this point had his eyes sparkling looking Jackson in the eye. Jackson gulped. “If you are so annoyed by his staring, do something about it,” Jinyoung whispered. “Do what?” “Respond,” Youngjae chimed in. “Respond to his stares so that he is thrown off guard and just avoids staring at you like you are piece of deliciously barbequed meat,” he giggled as he looked at Jinyoung’s face, which was slowly turning red. “Stop giving him power over you,” Youngjae’s voice was dead serious as he continued to look Jinyoung in the eye, then slowly moving to stare at his lips and back up. Jinyoung was completely red in the face, quickly moving to sit closer to Jackson as if Jackson would protect him from the not so bashful maknae. “Stop it,” he whispered to Youngjae from behind Jackson’s shoulder. “See? It works perfectly,” he giggled triumphantly.

“Uh huh,” Jackson looked back at Mark. He stared back at him, holding his gaze. Mark’s lips had parted, his hand frozen mid-air. He continued to look at Jackson, eyes transfixed on his face. Jackson looked at his face, for the very first time observing how milky white and clear his skin was. A fringe of his red hair rested on his forehead just high enough to make it look flattering. His eyes were soft but dark, a very straight nose led him to his lips which were pink and really gracefully complimenting his face. Because they were parted, he could see the hint of pearly whites, all in a straight line. He continued to look at his lips which were really by far the best feature of his weird hyung’s face. His own lips had parted looking at them. When he realized what he was looking at, he suddenly looked up and met a very flustered Mark. The tip of his ears had turned pink, a red flush adorned his chiselled cheek bones, his well set jaw tight and his bottom lip caught in by his sharp teeth.

Mark abruptly got up and ran away creating a commotion at his table. Jackson released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “That was…intense. You literally made him run away,” Jinyoung patted his shoulder. Jackson couldn’t explain his suddenly heightened heartbeat. What the hell had just happened? Did he just find Mark ‘pretty’? No, he was guy, he only found girls pretty. He never…he what…um what? Mark is fucking pretty, he is beyond handsome and he is breath taking and fuck! He is a guy who is pretty who Jackson is thinking about right now. Wang Jackson is thinking about a guy who he supposed he hated.

**

Mark had gotten up and ran away like his life was in danger. Jaebum quickly followed him, worry clouding his mind. He was already worried when Mark had started staring Jackson down. _Not this again_ was what he had thought. But Mark had been good two weeks, not losing his mind even once. Studying hard and being really friendly and laid back so he didn’t have the heart to warn him. He was sure Jackson had done something to set him off like this.

“Hey what happened?” he held his arm and stopped him from running. Mark was heaving and it made Jaebum worry even more. “Are you okay? What happened? Why did you run away like that?” Jaebum pressed on. “He…well…he is mean. He stared back at me…and he is just so mean…” Mark finished lamely. Jaebum snickered. “HE is MEAN? So he adapted to your little staring game. He is not a dumbass, you know. Up your game, loser,” Jaebum had him in a headlock. “Up your fucking game,” he repeated as he dragged him away.

“Up it how?” “Umm, gee, I don’t know, don’t just stare at him. Hey, don’t follow him or stalk him, but you can start by trying to make him feel comfortable around you?” Mark contemplated on it. “Okay, I get what you are saying but we hardly come across each other anymore,” he scratched the back of his neck. “Are you serious about him?” Jaebum asked softly. “I want to try, it’s something I have to do or I am going to go mad thinking of what ifs,” he replied. “Try to erase your bad memories with him? Be approachable and may be tone it down a little?” Mark nodded as they walked away.

**

The next time Mark came across Jackson was two days after their cafeteria incident. He was walking in the least visited aisle of their library when he heard a loud thud and turned around. He walked to the source of the noise. Jackson had landed on his butt in a painful position. A small ladder appeared turned over beside him. From the looks of it, Mark thought he must have hurt his back real bad. He could hear whines and a few cuss words spouting out of Jackson’s mouth under his breath. His tousled black hair looked extremely soft and fluffy, effortlessly caressing his chiselled face which was scrunched in pain. Mark covered the short distance that was left between him and Jackson and extended his hand to help him up. He controlled himself to not laugh at Jackson in his face. He looked up at the extended hand and then its owner and frowned. Mark was biting his lip to not let a laugh escape. “Here,” he shook his hand in front of Jackson’s face so that he could take it. “Looks like you landing on your ass is not an uncommon occurrence,” he couldn’t hide a smile that spread on his face.

Jackson’s frown deepened and he grimaced. “Seriously?” he pouted. Hesitantly, he took the hand Mark had extended. He winced when he got up because his back hurt. He fumbled to stand straight and find support. Mark supported him by putting his hand around his waist. “Are you seriously hurt? Oh my God,” he delicately loosened his grip on his waist and instead put his arm around his shoulder. “Let me take you to the infirmary. Lean on me,” Mark whispered and Jackson tensed slightly.

Jackson looked anywhere but at Mark when he put his arm around Mark’s shoulder. He escorted Jackson very carefully out of the library, gathering some stares and snickers from his friends. He pointedly ignored them and tried very hard to concentrate on the feeling of Jackson’s arm around his shoulder. He was slightly taller than the younger man, making him wanting to pull him closer but he maintained a safe distance. “Does it hurt too much?” he asked softly. “Hmm, my…err…back hurts,” he managed to croak out, suddenly finding his shoes really attractive. “Oh! Don’t worry, you will feel better once we get you checked,” he assured.

The pain shooting up his spine made him grip Mark’s shoulder tighter. “Hey, just a few more steps Jackson,” he whispered and Jackson shot his head. “You called me…Jackson?” “Isn’t that your name?” Mark snorted. “But you and your posse call me Wang,” “How does it matter?” “Aww aww aww,” Jackson groaned. They halted in the corridor that led to the infirmary, also connected to the freshmen classes. That’s when he noticed Jinyoung loitering around. They both met each other’s eyes, blushing brightly and looking away at the implications of the position they were currently in. “Jinyoung-ah,” Mark yelled and Jinyoung rushed towards them, too scared to ignore Mark. “Get him some water and inform the on-duty doctor that we have a problem?” “What did he do to you?” Jinyoung asked before he could think his words through. “Yah!” Jackson blushed crimson at the question, choosing to look at Jinyoung’s scared face instead of Mark’s intrigued one. “Wow my juniors think I am monster,” Mark sighed. “No hyung, I didn’t mean it, sorry,” Jinyoung bowed repeatedly in front of Mark. He waved his free hand to make him stop. “Palli, get your friend some water,” Mark slowly urged Jackson to take a step forward.

Jackson lunged forward but lost his balance and Mark pulled him up just before he could land on his face and break his nose this time. The pull was so strong that Jackson was in Mark’s arms, held tightly, strong arms gripping his upper back. Jackson’s nose was on Mark’s neck and he could feel Mark’s breath hitching as he breathed shallowly under his ear to recover from the almost fall. A few beats passed in silence, each too afraid to move lest something weird happened due to a careless step. Mark was too afraid to let go, Jackson too afraid to rub his lips against Mark’s neck or breathing too hard. Jackson could feel Mark’s breathing on his shoulder and he felt goosebumps form. This was by far the closest he had gotten physically to any guy. It was so weird, the whole situation, the whole tingling feeling he had where Mark’s breath hit his shoulder. Mark’s cologne was manly, constantly reminding him that a guy was making him feel overwhelmed. That and the thing about Mark being pretty.

Jinyoung cleared his throat as he approached the two embracing people in question. Jackson carefully detached himself from Mark, but still leaned on him for support, his strong arms suddenly reminding him of how manly Mark could be when he wanted to. He refused to meet Jinyoung’s or Mark’s eyes and just looked straight ahead. “He was about to get his nose broken next. Do you have a penchant for trouble?” Mark joked and Jackson found himself pouting. “You pushed me ahead to make me walk,” he whined and it came out uncharacteristically cute. Mark bit his lip as he took in Jackson’s pout and wanted to pinch his cheeks. His brain was getting clouded with the cuteness which had suddenly presented itself instead of the otherwise manly, sexy charm which personified Jackson. His rapidly increasing heartbeat and Jackson gripping his shoulder tightly did nothing to ease the tension.

“The doctor’s waiting. I will take him from here hyung,” Jinyoung said softly. Much against his will, he nodded. He didn’t want to let Jackson go but Jaebum had told him to not go overboard. What he had done so far was definitely overboard. Any more than this and they could again have issues. “Be careful, don’t touch his lower back, I guess it’s severely sprained,” Jinyoung nodded and Jackson shifted from his arm to Jinyoung’s. They started walking towards the infirmary and Mark turned around to leave. He took two steps when he heard Jackson. He turned back around. “Thank you,” was all he said with a lopsided smile. Mark needed nothing more.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jackson's no longer immune to Mark's charm. :P


	5. Shift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. The teaser images had me good. Also, I wasn't satisfied so I rewrote the whole damn thing. Hope you enjoy.   
> xoxo

Mark was Christmas shopping with Jaebum. He was really happy when he bought things for people he cared about. It was always their strategy to shop a week or two in advance because both Jaebum and he hated crowded places. Mark loved to buy things for his nieces and Jaebum always bought things for his parents, usually some high end home appliances for his mom and some great wine for his dad. While they were roaming around trying to evaluate their options, Mark heard a laugh he could identify even in his sleep. He stood perplexed. Wasn’t Jackson supposed to rest? Wasn’t it just two days since his fall? What was he doing here? It got him a bit worked up. He turned around and there he was, the boy that had made Mark lose his sleep, arm locked with a girl’s.

Jaebum stopped in his tracks when he didn’t find Mark walking beside him. “Yien,” he turned absentmindedly until he saw Mark frozen in his spot staring at someone. He walked to him and looked in the direction Mark was looking. _Shit._ “Yien,” he tapped his shoulder and Mark came out of his reverie. “Huh?” “Let’s go,” he pulled him by the arm but Mark didn’t relent. “What is he doing here? Isn’t he supposed to rest?” he stood rooted. “It’s his life,” Jaebum retorted. “I am going to give him a piece of my mind for being so careless,” Mark took a step forward but Jaebum stopped him. “He is with someone. Please, let’s go,” Jaebum kept a firm hold on his forearm to keep him from moving. Mark closed his eyes in frustration. “He is going to hurt himself if he doesn’t take care,” Mark argued. “Again, he is not a child, he can take care of himself,” Jaebum dragged him away before he could get worked up again.

It was really hard from there, Jaebum knew he needed to show extreme patience with Mark but somehow he was really mad at Jackson. Mark was focused on Jackson, no matter how much Jaebum tried to distract him. Ultimately, he somehow managed to pull him to the food court to eat something. At least good food would distract him. “I am in no mood to eat. How can you be hungry at this time?” he complained and Jaebum sighed. “Don’t be like this, let’s order,” he pushed him ahead and they sat down. Luck was definitely not on his side or Mark’s because soon enough Jackson had followed them to the food court with his ‘date’ or whatever.

It was hard to miss him even in a crowded place and add to it his loud laugh and active body language and you had a breathing meme. _What does Mark see in him?_ Jaebum couldn’t help but think. Mark’s eyes followed Jackson’s moves like a hawk as he headed towards table not that far, not noticing them. The moment Jackson bent a little to sit down, he winced and Mark almost leapt out of his seat. Jaebum pushed him back and shook him by him shoulders. “Are you mad? He will be so creeped out if you go and ask him why he isn’t resting. I told you to tone it down a little, didn’t I? God, this Wang is literally turning you crazy.” Jaebum was deeply worried about how things were going to progress because Mark didn’t look normal right then.

Mark still kept looking at Jackson from the corner of his eye. To make matters worse, the girl had her arm around Jackson’s shoulder and was whispering something in his ear and went on to peck his cheek. Mark was losing his temper fast and Jaebum was scared out of his wits end. “Let’s go,” he pulled at Mark. He could snap at any moment. “Get up, God, remember you cannot lose your temper Yien, let’s go. Do not break your streak because of Wang,” he insisted and Mark got up huffing, holding onto Jaebum like his life depended on it. He clenched his fists tight in Jaebum’s shirt and Jaebum instantly hugged him tight. “Calm down, I am here. Forget what you saw,” Jaebum threaded his fingers in his hair and kept on whispering calming things in Mark’s ear. What they both missed was Jackson eyeing them with a frown.   

**

The next day was surprisingly weird for the both of them. Mark did not spare Jackson a glance the entire day and Jackson was acting out so much that Jinyoung was worried. “What is it with you today? Did your date not go well?” “It was okay, she was too clingy. Guess who I saw being all touchy at the mall,” Jackson pushed away his books from the table and they sprawled over the floor hopelessly. Jinyoung huffed but started picking them up and piling them neatly on Jackson’s table. “Who?” “Mark hyung and…” Jackson made his hands into fists and banged them on the table. “Whoa. Are you losing it Wang?” Jinyoung held him by his shoulders to calm him down. “Jaebum hyung, he was holding Mark hyung really tightly right in the middle of the food court for the whole world to see.” “And?” Jackson looked at him perplexed. “They are friends since a long time, I have never seen them apart. What’s the big deal about them hugging?” “It just IS! I am not talking to you,” Jackson walked out without taking his things leaving a confused Jinyoung behind.

Jackson was angrily walking through the corridor when he saw Mark talking to Jaebum, his gang surrounding them. He could see them laughing and his blood just boiled. He walked straight and bumped his shoulder against an unknowing Mark’s. “Yah!” Mark yelled until he saw it was Jackson who had bumped into him. “Seriously, do you have no sense of direction?” he asked and Jackson just snorted. “No, I don’t. What are you going to do about it?” Jackson turned around and faced Mark.

Jaebum straightened and so did all of his friends. “Need I remind you that you almost broke your back not three days ago? You are a danger to yourself anyway.” The whole back thing reminded of how Mark had taken care of him and a slight blush crept his face. “Bored of me already?” Jackson stepped closer and looked straight into Mark’s eyes. “Excuse me?” “I asked are you bored of me already?” he bit his lip. “What makes you think that I was interested in you in the first place?” “Oh. Let me think. The incessant staring, the breath hitching, you taking care of me…need I go on?” Jackson spat. Mark just snorted as if Jackson was spouting nonsense. “Hey! Don’t flatter yourself. Go or you will get late for your class,” Mark waved his hand nonchalantly as if Jackson meant nothing to him. “Why? Want to get private with Jaebum hyung again?” Jackson raised his voice and literally everyone around them gasped.

Jaebum leapt forward to launch a punch in Jackson’s face but Mark stopped him. “Yeah. I want to get private with him. Don’t you think he is absolutely stunning?” Mark put his arm around Jaebum’s neck and nuzzled in it, making him freeze. “I don’t care what you think,” Jackson was so worked up by this point that Jaebum could clearly see a vein on his forehead popping. As if one of them wasn’t enough to handle, now there were two!

“Wang, go cry in your girlfriend’s lap,” Wonho muttered and Jackson closed his eyes to control himself. Jackson then stared at Mark hard, his face was red with anger as he looked at Mark’s nose touch Jaebum’s cheek. He had his hands balled into fists. “I hate you so much,” he rumbled and Mark pursed his lips into a straight line. “I am afraid the feeling is mutual,” he snorted in reply. Jackson walked away and Mark let out a breath.

“What’s his problem?” he muttered to Jaebum who hit him in his chest. “Cheers to the temper losing team,” he turned Mark’s ear and he groaned. “Do you two have an alternate pissing off match? I am so tired of this,” he sighed. “Sorrryyyy,” Mark hugged him to appease him. “Are you gay for that kid?” Wonho asked and Mark snorted. “No, I am gay for every one of you hoes,” he smacked Wonho on his arm and they all laughed.  

When Mark and Jaebum were alone he let out a sigh. “He said he hates me. Again. What did I do this time?” he whined. Jaebum let out a hearty laugh. “He is jealous.” “Huh?” “He is JEALOUS, you dumbass. He must have seen us hugging yesterday.” Mark made an o and then stared at Jaebum with his eyes wide. “Wait what? Are you kidding me?” Mark let out a laugh. “Wang is jealous? Is that even possible? Why would he be? It’s not like he likes me or something,” Mark scratched his neck nervously, his throat suddenly felt dry. “You haven’t spared him a glance all day. He misses your attention,” Jaebum hugged his shoulder and laughed. “Don’t you think this is too easy? He’s straight for fucks sake,” he wrinkled his nose in distaste.

“Are you complaining?” Jaebum asked, his voice high pitched with surprise. “No. I just think you have it all wrong.” Jaebum sighed. “Okay, let’s try something new. Don’t even look at him for another two days. Let’s see how it works.” Mark contemplated over it. It’s not like he had forgotten about Jackson’s little date yesterday, the girl swinging off him arm and kissing his cheek, him being smiley and bright with someone else. Ugh. “Okay! I don’t think this is going to work, but okay, no harm in trying. Not like I am expecting him to pine for my attention anyway. He hates me,” Mark sighed dejectedly.

**

Jackson hadn’t had lunch nor had he paid attention in any of the classes. Jinyoung got to know that Jackson had snoozed in the class from one of Jackson’s batch mates. He was really worried that his friend was losing his mind. He didn’t know why except that it definitely had something to do with Mark.

Youngjae was eyeing him from afar and Jinyoung went blank. He rushed towards him and Jinyoung felt his heartbeat skyrocket. Seriously, why was this guy like this? He smiled like he was the sun and it was so hard to ignore him or say not to him. What sorcery was this?

“Hi hyung,” he smiled wide as he waved in front of Jinyoung’s face. “Hi, what’s with you being so full of energy at the end of the day?” Jinyoung mumbled. “Are you complaining?” he pouted and God Jinyoung wanted to die. This was so unfair, so horribly unfair. “Uh no…” he scratched his neck. “Where’s Jackson hyung? He has been MIA all day,” he linked his arm with Jinyoung’s who looked at him wide eyed. “What?” Youngjae asked with a sly smile on his face. “I want to tell you something hyung,” he pulled him towards a staircase which students hardly used anymore. “What is it? Can’t you tell it to me here?” “No.”

Youngjae hurriedly pushed the door of the staircase exit and dragged him along. He pushed him against the wall and stared at him intently. “Hyung…” he looked into his eyes and then at his lips. “Youngjae-ah, what is it?” Jinyoung gulped as he looked at Youngjae’s focused face. “I need you, I can’t take it anymore,” he whimpered and pulled him by the back of his neck into a kiss. Jinyoung squeaked in surprise. His eyes were wide open as he felt soft lips on his. _Shit, his dream was coming true._

He responded immediately until Youngjae pushed him hard against the wall and started to kiss him even more passionately. His head was spinning with so many emotions that he let out small mewls due to desperation. The kiss was broken and Youngjae heaved. “Shit hyung. I am going to eat you right up,” he surged to capture his lips again and Jinyoung felt weak in his knees. “Youngjae-ah, you…” he said between kisses. He was breathing heavily, heart ready to leap out of his chest. “What is it?” Youngjae whispered and started to plant kisses under his ear, Jinyoung shuddered. “You are so forward,” Jinyoung mumbled, trying hard to not make any noise. “Uhhmm,” Youngjae hummed against his neck and a moan escaped his lips. “Yess, I will make you moan, I am going to take you home tonight hyung,” he bit his collar bone and Jinyoung whimpered. “You live in the dorms,” he whispered and then there was a chuckle neither of them anticipated. They immediately stopped and looked at the door, which was open slightly and Jackson was peeping.

“I am so turned on right now,” he chuckled and both Youngjae and Jinyoung groaned. Jinyoung straightened his collar to hide the obviously reddening hickey that Youngjae had left. The younger wiped his lips and looked at his hyung with desire so strong that Jinyoung’s breath hitched. “Did you have to disturb us?” he pouted and Jackson cooed. “I was meaning to be alone so I was gonna come sit here for a while, but surprise,” he pointed at the two of them. “This is the best distraction ever,” he giggled. “Yah!” Jinyoung hit his arm and clicked his tongue, face obviously too red to look at him longer.

“Where the hell were you all day? You didn’t even come for lunch, your phone was off too. What is up with you?” Youngjae loosely put his arm around Jinyoung’s shoulder and the elder tried hard to not shy away. Jackson’s face fell at the question. “Not in the mood today.” He sighed and closed the door behind him, he tried sitting on a stair but winced as his back hurt. He kept standing, holding his head in his hands. “I am so pissed since yesterday and I don’t know why. I want to break something,” he pulled his hair in frustration. “Did something happen?” “Not that I can think of. I am just bothered, I don’t know. Today’s different somehow.” Jinyoung patted his shoulder. “Is it by any chance about Mark hyung?” Jackson straightened. “Please. Don’t talk about him. I hate him, he is the worst,” he clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Why? He doesn’t even bother you anymore.” Jackson frowned at the statement. Today, Mark hadn’t even breathed in his direction. He had gotten so used to Mark hovering around him and staring at him that him not doing it today was just weird. “I just hate him still, okay?” he pouted. “You are such a complicated person.” “Are you missing his staring by any chance hyungie?” Youngjae snuggled up to Jackson and snorted. “Yah! Why would I?” he couldn’t meet Youngjae’s eyes. “It’s better that I don’t have his eyes on me. It was creepy.” “You miss it.” “Shuddup stupid,” Jackson hit his arm and he whined.

“Jackson, have you ever considered the possibility that you might actually like him? He is a good looking guy and recently I heard that he was bi,” Jinyoung said slowly. “I am not into guys Jinyoung-ah. I don’t have anything against it, don’t look at me like that jeez,” Jinyoung’s eyes had immediately reflected hurt. “It’s just that…I like boobs,” Jackson finished lamely. A collective ‘eww’ echoed. “He looks at you like he will devour you hyung. He’s so gay for you, God,” Youngjae snickered. Jackson couldn’t control the blush that crept up his face and it made him feel even angrier. “He’s gay for Jaebum hyung, not me. I am going home, I don’t wanna hear this,” he turned to leave. “Jackson, just think about it. It’s not like it will change who you are.” “It’s not about me liking guys, it’s about me liking Mark Tuan.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still dancing around each other. Mark is mean when he wants to be. My poor neglected Jacks :'(


	6. Torture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is going mad. Mark is not far behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates after this are going to be long. Just thought to keep you informed. I liked this chapter best. I hope you like it too.

Jackson had slept on his temper and decided that he wouldn’t get pissed off for absolutely no reason at all because it was crazy. He wasn’t an unreasonable person but these days things were just getting out of his control. He was used to attention but not from the same sex and Mark had grown on him, his presence induced a nervous curiosity in him. The constant war of words and the tension filled gazes that Mark threw at him had somehow become a part of his life. There was an underlying fear that he would definitely become delusional and actually consider liking Mark but what if it was one big senior prank? He didn’t even want to go there.

He wasn’t against same sex relationships but he had never pictured himself in one, may be once or twice when he was a teenager but over time it got replaced by his love for sports, relationships becoming not-so-important part of his life. Mark was different, there was something wild and powerful about him yet something tender and soft about how he looked at him. Jackson had started to yearn for it, the whole combination of authority outlined with a subtle, soft charisma that Mark oozed. The realization had left him breathless and hyperventilating when he reached home and had taken a lot of out of him. This was like suddenly discovering a part of himself that he never knew or expected to exist.  

If Mark truly liked him, Jackson wanted him to confess it. He was going to make him spill it, get a verbal confirmation of whatever madness that was brewing inside Mark’s head. Jackson was no player nor did he like one. What few relationships he had had in the past, he had wholeheartedly devoted himself to them. If Mark was so keen to have him, own him, if his gazes were something to go by, then he needed a proper confession. Why he was thinking about all these things was a big surprise to him. It got him all hot and bothered and he tossed and turned all night. Mark was doing this to him without even knowing about it. It scared him, was this just a sexual curiosity? And if it was, would it wear off with time? Would he need to hurt Mark by calling quits eventually? The thought about him caring about Mark to that extent in itself was so disturbing for him.

The surging anger which he experienced when he saw Mark in someone else’s arms was so off putting and confusing. It had left him restless and paralysed, so much that he had to ditch his date halfway through their date. He had told himself that she was clingy but the truth was he couldn’t brush off the moment that he had seen. It was etched on his brain. He definitely wanted to erase it as soon as possible. The intense possessiveness about the man who he thought he hated came as a surprise but Jackson was weak for intensity. Intensity in thoughts, intensity in emotions, in relationships, in bed, in life. If Mark was invoking such intense emotions in him, something was definitely there, something he was too scared to explore but something that made him so curious that he was sleeping in a dead dark room, which would otherwise scare the shit out of him. He was completely taken by the thoughts of actually chasing down this confusion and getting some sort of closure. “I hate you Mark Tuan,” he whispered before sleep took over him, Mark’s smiling face flashing in front of his eyes like a lost dream which he would forget tomorrow, only he was sure he wouldn’t.

**

The whole colour of Jackson’s life had suddenly changed. When he looked at himself in the mirror in the morning, he wanted to give some extra time on styling his hair better. He wanted to wear something nice and it was so unlike him to care about how he looked that it made him want to throw up. He usually put on the first thing that he saw in his wardrobe, which was mostly black or white, a t-shirt or a button down from one of his favourite brands. Today, he had spent ten extra minutes matching his pants with his shirt and he really wanted to cry. Everything had flipped. He was running twenty minutes early for his college, and he was a walking confusion.

When Jinyoung spotted him, he had his mouth open in surprise. Jackson had closed it delicately and snorted. “Youngjae will kill you if he sees you checking me out, Jinyoung-ah.” Jinyoung had clicked his tongue, his apparent blush at the mention of the younger leaving Jackson in splits. “You clean up good,” he had given Jackson a once over and Jackson felt a sudden boost in his confidence. He had told Jinyoung that they would walk together to the college since he was ready before time.

“Did Youngjae really take you ‘home’ yesterday?” Jinyoung bit his lip and his shuddery nod made Jackson’s heartbeat skyrocket. “Really? You went all the way?” he was squealing like a school girl, unable to handle the implication of Jinyoung’s reddening face. “Shi! No!” Jackson was hit square in the chest. “Spill everything right now,” Jackson attached himself to his shoulder to force him. “I am not discussing my intimate moments with Youngjae with you,” he mumbled. “Park Jinyoung, I will crush you like a soda can if you do not tell me every little detail! Did you hurt my precious otter? Fight me,” Jackson had Jinyoung in a headlock before he could say anything. “If I find one hair missing on his perfect little otter head, I swear to God Jinyoung-” Jinyoung had pushed him playfully. “He is the one who hurt me,” he shot but immediately covered his mouth. His eyes went wide at his own impromptu confession about who was who in his and Youngjae’s relationship. Jackson let out a strangled giggle.  

“Really? Youngjae? Oh my God! What the hell!” Jackson was laughing like a hyena and running on the road, jumping and pointing at Jinyoung who had his face hidden behind his palms. Jackson’s usual sense of direction was missing so he had had run into someone and stumbled down so fast that one moment he was laughing and in the second he was groaning. It was like a quickly changing meme. When he looked up, he saw Mark staring at him with his pinning gaze. He quickly got up and dusted his pants and turned to look at Jinyoung who was stuck in his spot. He turned back to face Mark who had a neutral expression on his face. He stared at Jackson from head to toe as if scrutinizing him. When his gaze returned to his face, his eyes wavered to his lips and lingered. Jackson gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing like a huge weight in his quickly drying throat. Mark’s eyes had followed the movement and then met Jackson’s eyes square. Jackson was feeling breathless and powerless so fast that he was sure he was going to faint and again go crashing to the ground. “If you run into me one more time, I am going to put a leash on you,” he whispered coldly. A shiver ran down Jackson’s spine at those words, his eyes flashing an unknown emotion as his lips parted. He looked into Mark’s eyes, his nose, and then his lips.

Mark had his hands in his pockets so Jackson couldn’t see how he had them fisted. His heart was thumping looking at Jackson in a red button down and black skinny jeans. What kind of torture was this? Did this guy not know the things he did to him? He wanted to unbutton his shirt agonizingly slowly and kiss every part of Jackson’s abdomen and then shimmy him out of those tight pants and smack his ass until he was a crying mess. He wanted to fuck him raw until Jackson begged for mercy, until his knees gave up. And now he was staring at his lips like it meant something and Mark was sure he would start to falter on his mission of not sparing Jackson any attention. Jaebum wound his arm around Mark’s waist and he almost squeaked in surprise. It had effectively broken his chasm of erotic fantasy that Jackson had induced just by looking like that. “Wang being a bother again?” he whispered in his ear and Mark could see Jackson’s face twitching slightly. The reaction was so small and Mark would have almost missed it if he wasn’t standing right in front of him. “No,” he looked at Jackson nonchalantly and wrapped his own arm around Jaebum’s shoulder and turned to walk away. Jackson closed his eyes in frustration, forehead dotted with perspiration and head full of fumes.  

“You alright?” Jinyoung asked softly and Jackson snapped his eyes open and nodded frantically. “Let’s go, class starts in a few minutes.” They headed inside and Jackson tried really hard to forget about Jaebum having his arm around Mark’s waist. It was none of his business who he was with, it was none of his business. He wanted to bang his head on the wall for these troubling feelings which he was losing control over.

Classes progressed agonizingly slowly. He was eagerly waiting to get out for lunch and planning on bunking the rest of the classes because he felt weird. As soon as the lunch hour began, he rushed out of the class, hoping to catch Jinyoung before he headed to the cafeteria. Youngjae caught him first, pulling him by the elbow. “Where are you rushing to and where’s my hyung?” he asked as they looked around searching for Jinyoung. “Your studious hyung must be busy noting down assignments or something.”

Once they caught Jinyoung who was now walking in between Jackson and Youngjae, they made their way to the cafeteria without talking much, cutting through the throngs of people going in the same direction. There was no sight of Mark and Jackson was a bit disappointed as he sat down on the table. He kept looking around, trying to find the familiar whisk of red hair but couldn’t. “You alright?” Jackson hadn’t touched his food and it seemed like he wasn’t really going to so Youngjae had helped himself to his fries. “Yeah.” Jackson’s heart was sinking so fast that he didn’t know what to do. This was all Mark’s fault. The feeling of resentment was returning full force because anyone that made him go out of control like this was not appreciated. Mark and his absence was not appreciated. The visuals that his brain showed him made him sick to the stomach. Was Mark really hooking up with Jaebum in one of the toilet stalls down the hallway? Or maybe they were making out in his car? The roof? The staircase? Jackson felt his head throb and the things he thought didn’t match up with the images his brain was showing him.

“Hey peach,” Jaebum’s voice cut his thoughts like a sword cuts into skin. He snapped his head up to see Jaebum leaning over Jinyoung. “Umm..hello hyung.” Jinyoung had stopped eating and was ready to stand up when Youngjae pushed him down by the shoulder. “Can we do this after lunch hyung? Please? He hasn’t eaten since morning,” Youngjae said flatly to Jaebum. To say that he was thrown by the confidence in Youngjae’s voice was an understatement. He flinched and his face twitched funnily as if Youngjae had addressed him impolitely. “Are you his mom?” he retorted as he gripped Jinyoung’s head in his hand. “No. But I am definitely someone who cares,” he lightly moved Jaebum’s hand away from Jinyoung’s head and put his arm around his shoulder. “OOOOOh. It’s like that?” Jaebum did a crass action of shoving his finger in hole made of his other fingers and Youngjae turned red. “None of your business,” Jinyoung shot and Jaebum stood there quiet, observing the two boys in a new light. “The number of people going gay for each other is getting really high in this college,” he smirked as he looked at Jackson. It was really difficult for him to school his face and to not appear angry with Jaebum. He was curious about Mark but not enough to get hit.

“Bean,” Mark’s voice cut through the chaos of his thoughts like a lightning bolt. _Bean?_ “Coming,” Jaebum replied as he waved a mock of a goodbye to them. Before Jackson could even fathom what had happened, Jaebum had disappeared. It left a bad taste in his mouth. “Bean? Seriously?” Jackson bent forward to look at the table where their seniors were sitting. “Yeah, that’s what he used to call him. I thought he stopped calling him that. Haven’t heard it in a year.” Jinyoung briefly turned to look at their senior’s table but Youngjae made him eat.  

“Eww, what kind of a pet name is that? I hate it,” Jackson started rambling and felt his blood boil for some reason. He bent forward to look in the direction of Mark’s table. When he did, he found Mark busy chatting with his buddies, not really looking in his direction even for a second. His face fell so fast that Jinyoung held his hand. “You like him.” “I do NOT,” he threw his head back in frustration. Jinyoung stuffed his mouth with food, complaining like a mom about how careless he was being with his health. He had thrown in a few curses to Mark for making him so miserable. Jackson’s insecurities had bubbled with his confusion. “What if it’s a prank?” he asked softly. Youngjae and Jinyoung looked at each other confused. “His whole act of…you know, showing some sort of twisted interest. What if it’s a prank?” Jackson had his chin resting on the top of his hands, looking straight in the direction of Mark’s table.

“Why would he do that? He is a smart guy. Tops all his exams, is good at everything he does. You think he would waste his time on something like this for so long? It’s been a month Jackson.” He closed his eyes at the statement, letting it sink in. “Then why is he ignoring me? Treating me like I am nothing?” his voice trembled. Jackson thrived on attention of any and every kind. He loved to keep everyone around him happy and he could go to any lengths to do it. But if anyone gave him the idea that he wasn’t liked, it completely destroyed his confidence. That was the very reason Mark was stuck in his head. They had started off not liking each other and it disturbed him. And now he was being ignored. Jackson didn’t know what he really wanted. He wanted to Mark to stare him down like he was a piece of meat or just vanish from his life and never lay eyes on him again? Unable to tolerate the gloom that was taking over him, he decided to distract himself.

“So, I hear you hurt my friend,” he pointed at Youngjae and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He snapped his head in Jinyoung’s direction who was now hiding his face. “Your information is wrong,” he snorted. “Tell me all the dirty details,” Jackson hugged him and rocked him in his arms to make him spill. Youngjae laughed loudly and so did Jackson. Jinyoung did not look at them, too embarrassed that his was happening right now. “But I was really surprised, you just went for Jinyoung…” “We were playing around each other for a year and this hyung is such a scared cat. I had to take matters in my own hands,” “You took it in your hand?” Jackson was in splits as Jinyoung hit him continuously. “Hyunnnggg…don’t embarrass him,” he hugged Jinyoung and that made him squeak. And that’s when he noticed Mark staring right in their direction, looking at his smiling face, as if entranced. The moment they looked at each other, Mark quickly looked away as if he wasn’t staring in the first place. _Oh._

Jackson smiled wide as if he had figured the theory of everything. He just needed to grab Mark’s attention because once he did that, it was almost impossible for Mark to not look his way. What better way than to be his smiling, loud self when Mark was in earshot? His own desperation for Mark’s attention made him stumble a bit but he immediately recovered as he remembered the almost enticed gaze that Mark had thrown him just moments ago.

“I feel like going home,” he whispered once their laughter had died down. “You are not bunking class Jackson,” Jinyoung warned him and he sighed. “But-” “No buts. Don’t be so careless because of that hyung,” he made a face and Jackson couldn’t help but laugh.

Mark’s table was full of food but he wasn’t hungry for it, not when Jackson came in looking like that today. He wanted to thread his fingers through his fluffy black hair, kiss him to his heart’s content, tell him how cute he was when he was in his element. He wanted Jackson so bad. He wanted to see him smile that wide when he was with him, look at his bright, shining eyes every day, listen to his non-stop banter and loud laugh with unending interest. He loved it, he loved everything about Jackson.

When his gaze had locked with Jackson’s, his whole body had tingled with excitement. It was so overpowering and captivating that he had almost lost control of himself. Jaebum patting his thigh had got him out of it but he knew this was not a game he could continue playing any longer. Jackson was trying to be loud and cheerful just to gain his attention and he was giving in to his object of affection without holding back. “I can’t do this,” he whispered to Jaebum. “He is too much for my heart to take.” Jaebum let out a strangled laugh at his confession. “Just till he comes running to you, one more day. Be strong, lover boy.” Jaebum had groaned as Mark pinched his thigh. Another day of not looking at Jackson was going to be a torture but not as much as not being able to touch Jackson and caress his beautiful face affectionately when he was being so damn cute.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae and Jinyoung happened randomly but they had some history. Youngjae is stronger and more confident than Jinyoung. It's on the side but plays an important role for lightening up the tension. Don't mind it much. Thanks for reading.


	7. Slamdunk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is Mark's equal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so lame and weird. Sorry!

Much against his will, Jackson had had to attend his classes after the lunch hour. Jinyoung wouldn’t have him missing them and they were only two anyway. Mark and his posse had vanished from the cafeteria without Jackson seeing Mark and it only gave him a dull ache in his chest which he did not like. Everything was quickly spinning out of his control, so much that he slipped out of the class the minute the bell rang. He was the only one in the corridor, the rest of his classmates still talking and writing down assignments. He didn’t know where the seniors had their classes, never having climbed to the top floor until today. His heart was beating really fast when he climbed the stairs, his body wasn’t in his control nor was his mind. When he reached the top floor, he looked around, imagining Mark walking around with his friends here, laughing, talking happily and his heart clenched. May be he was just a normal guy, living a normal life, having some issues that made him angry and got him out of control, but mostly just a simple guy living his college life. He had never thought on those lines until this moment and it surprised him. He wasn’t an insensitive person but Mark had never given him the chance to consider him a normal guy. First he was a problematic, strict senior, then a weird staring senior, then a caring guy and then a mean, really mean guy who got on his nerves constantly.

The senior classes were much bigger than theirs, with huge doors and windows. He didn’t know which one of these classes was Mark’s so he hesitantly walked towards a display board to see if he could find a timetable. Still unsure about what he was doing up here, he started fidgeting restlessly until he heard footsteps. He looked in the direction of the noise and saw Wonho walking towards a class not far from where he was standing. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked right at Jackson. He shook his head and entered the class. The door was open and Jackson couldn’t help but walk towards it, his steps small and unsure. The anticipation of seeing Mark in his element was so enthralling but full of risk that his body instantly gave him a dose of adrenaline. He was sure Wonho was going to tell on him anyway. But would Mark really believe that Jackson had come upstairs to just look at him once? It was a slim chance so he relaxed.

His back was against the wall that led to the door. He walked slowly, heart thumping so fast as if he was running a marathon. As he reached the doorframe, he could hear the voice of a professor drawling about something. He moved closer and peeped inside. If anyone from the inside would look at the door, they would find half his body oddly aligned with the doorframe and one of his eyes quickly scanning the room. Once he laid eyes on Mark, who was not hard to find, thanks to his red head, he sighed. He moved back and breathed harshly then went on to peep again. Mark had a pencil touching his lips carelessly as he stared at his professor. His eyes were focused on the man who was delivering a lecture on probably something that Jackson didn’t understand. He had his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his black shirt nicely contrasting his fair, clear skin. Jackson could hear his own heart beat out of his chest so he recoiled from his position and walked away fast. Jackson had gone mad!

He rushed to his own class and was probably going to be late but he didn’t care. Warning bells were ringing in his head and he almost tripped from the stairs. Luckily he got to the class on time. Attention was something he just couldn’t spare to his professor as his mind constantly wandered to Mark. He was something! Just sitting, chewing on his pencil, careless and handsome, focused but oddly distracting. May be he wanted to see Mark like that up close, sit with him and talk to him about his favourite subjects, his daily life. Just talk to him like he was someone normal and not someone who gave him a high just by staring. The yearning was hitting him so hard that his knees suddenly felt weak and his head throbbed a little. That was the moment he made a decision. He was going to go talk to Mark, right after this class ended. He was going to tell him that he was tired of the tension that they had and wanted to have a normal senior-junior relationship. At least that would be a talking point, wouldn’t it? Something about finding a middle ground when in a conflict that he had read had stayed with him.

The class ended and his heartbeat had picked up again. He really thought that he had lost his mind but assured himself that nothing was normal in between him and Mark anyway. He got out and waited for Mark and his posse to come down. Jinyoung still had another class and Youngjae was probably at the music room in another building so he just fidgeted with his phone. Twenty minutes and the seniors still hadn’t showed. What was the hold up? Forty five minutes and no sign of Mark drove him insane. Huffing, he climbed the stairs, holding on to the little confidence that he had. Warning bells were again ringing in his head but he ignored them. He had to do this. He couldn’t take being ignored, not by anyone, especially not by Mark. Not after he had been a constant in his life in the weirdest way possible.

The moment he reached the top floor, he heard the ruckus of students leaving their classes, altogether their lazy footsteps, them talking noisily over each other and scattered laughter. Shit. They had a class and that’s why Mark hadn’t come down. It was too late to run down because the stairs were already crowded with seniors, girls who had their arms linked and boys who were laughing loudly. These were seniors he was not familiar with. He stayed put and looked in the direction of Mark’s class. Soon, Wonho came out, followed by more people from their gang. Mark was still not in sight and Jackson wanted to jump down the building. Instead of walking towards the stairs, Wonho and company walked into another class and the corridor again fell silent. After a moment’s delay Mark walked out with Jaebum, smirking. Jaebum must have said something to him because Mark suddenly had his arms around his waist, pressing his sides and pulling him closer. Jaebum’s laughter had bubbled and so had Mark’s as Jaebum had his arms around his neck. He held onto him like it was the most natural thing in the world. They walked a few steps ahead so Jackson couldn’t see them anymore.

Jackson stood frozen in his spot. His brain was going through so many motions so fast that he felt dizzy. He hesitantly took a step forward to see where they were headed. He was in Mark’s periphery now. That was the moment Mark nuzzled into Jaebum’s neck. And that’s when Jackson lost it. Tears streamed down his eyes so fast that they almost blinded him for a second. His silent tears were big and fat, flowing through his eyes unrestrained. His sob echoed through the corridor when it became difficult to see Mark with Jaebum still in his arms. It was so hurtful that he didn’t know what to do. The sound made Mark look in his direction. Mark squinted his eyes to see who it was but Jackson’s red button down was a dead giveaway. He straightened and continued to look in Jackson’s direction, letting Jaebum go instantly. Jaebum turned to see what Mark was looking at and froze.

Jackson was crying, looking at his shoes, standing there like a lost puppy. He didn’t dare to look in Mark’s direction again, fearing what he could see next. He took a step back and automatically looked back at Mark. He found him looking right at him and felt more tears stream through his eyes. He sobbed loudly and painfully as their eyes met. He again took a step back, using the wall for support and immediately turned and ran down the stairs.  

Mark was too shocked to understand what had just happened. Why was Jackson up here? What? “Jaebum what?” his voice trembled as he remembered Jackson sobbing uncontrollably. “It didn’t even take two days. He came to see you, twice,” Jaebum whispered. “What?” Mark felt a lump in his throat. “But why?” Jaebum clicked his tongue. “He missed you, dummy.” Mark’s world was spinning, his heart was beating so fast at the revelation. “Why was he…crying?” Mark had his hand on his chest because it hurt. “He saw us together. Again.” Mark looked at him with his eyes wide. Jaebum sighed. “DUMBASS, GO AFTER HIM!” he yelled and Mark shook. He sprinted into action and ran to the staircase as fast as he could. “Careful Yien!” he heard Jaebum yell as he quickly got down the stairs as fast as he could.

Jackson had run fast, really fast because Mark couldn’t see him anywhere. All the corridors looked empty so he ran out, cursing under his breath for standing in his spot like a zombie. When he got out, he looked around, spotting Jackson walking on the field towards the bleachers. His heart started beating faster than it already was as he saw Jackson wipe his eyes vigorously. There was an unbearable pain in his chest when he saw Jackson walking like that, resigned and sad. He had already reached behind the bleachers until Mark could catch up to him.

He ran as fast as he could. “Jack..son,” he panted and yelled. He stopped but didn’t turn around. Mark took careful steps towards him, gulping the lump that had formed in his throat. “Jackson,” he whispered again. Jackson straightened as he heard Mark’s voice getting closer. “Stop,” he whispered back and Mark stopped in his spot. He wiped his tears with the pads of his fingers and swallowed. “I hate you so much,” he whispered in Chinese and Mark’s heart hurt to hear it again from Jackson’s mouth, now in his mother tongue. Jackson didn’t expect Mark to know what he said, thinking his American upbringing had made him forget the language that could be a connecting thread between them. “Always so selfish, mean and horrible to me,” he continued in between sobs and Mark felt horrible. “Why are you like this to me? Do you hate me that much?” he broke down and got on his knees, wincing at the pain in his back and crying even harder.

“Jackson,” he uttered desperately. “NO! Go away. You have…no right to…umm…oh god, to treat me like that,” he uttered switching back to Korean, stammering as his sobs wouldn’t allow him to speak clearly. “Like what Jackson?” Mark moved an inch closer and asked softly. “I don’t know anymore. You are mean, so mean,” he wiped his eyes again and hunched his shoulders. “What did I do?” Mark asked softly as he moved closer, crawling on his knees towards Jackson. “Tell me, what did I do baby?” the endearment made a pit in Jackson’s stomach, making him hear a static buzz in his ears. He bit his lip as he felt Mark move even closer. His back was lightly touching Mark’s sturdy chest. Mark’s knees were brushing against his ankles and his breath hitched. He straightened and felt his back writhe in pain. It made him move back and dash into Mark but he quickly recoiled and hunched his back to make the pain go away. He gripped his knees tightly and whimpered. “Did you come to see me today? Twice?” he asked softly and Jackson felt his cheeks heat up. “No,” he shook his head. “Really?” Mark moved forward to let his chin rest on Jackson’s head, his chest warm against Jackson’s slightly hunched back.

Jackson had frozen completely as if he was under a charm. He grabbed his knees even tighter because he didn’t know what to do. “Hmm,” he hummed in response. “Then why were you on our floor?” Mark nuzzled in his hair, breathing hotly in it. Jackson whimpered again as the sensation made his body tremble with nervous energy. “I…” he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and breathed heavily. “You get on my nerves hyung,” he gulped. “Ummhmm,” Mark hummed against his hair, his hands coming to grab his shoulders lightly. “Why are you like this to me? What did I do?” his voice trembled as he remembered all the times that Mark had been mean to him. “Everything,” he whispered hotly in Jackson’s ear and breathed on his neck. “You have been such a bad boy, Jackson,” he pressed on his shoulders tightly and Jackson yelped.

“Do you like it when I look at you?” the questions were making Jackson forget his tears and the proximity was making him feel hot and bothered. He didn’t know exactly what he was feeling. Was he sad? Confused? Angry? Nervous? SHY? Mark was making a mess out of him and he didn’t have the energy to fight. He was silent, contemplating on how to answer such a difficult question. “Tell me, do you like it when I look at your bright, smiley face every day? Uhh, when my eyes linger on you?” his hands slipped from his shoulders and moved slowly to his elbows. “Nuhh,” Jackson shivered and inclined his head to the left. Mark’s deep voice and his breath, his smell doing a number on his resolve.

“Did you miss me, Jackson?” he whispered against the tip of his ear and Jackson bit back a moan, a weird strangled noise coming out instead. “No.” “Why did you cry?” his arm was around Jackson’s stomach, strong and possessive. “Why did you cry when you saw me with bean?” “DON’T CALL HIM THAT,” Jackson yelled. He regretted saying it immediately but another of Mark’s wound itself around his stomach in response. “You can’t act like that in public, it’s embarrassing,” he spat and tried to push his arms away. Mark snorted. “Embarrassing enough to make you cry?” he held on tighter. “If you like HIM so much then you should stare at him and not me,” he tried to pry Mark’s arms away and push him but Mark only held him tighter. “I do like him, a lot,” he said against Jackson’s shoulder and Jackson hit his arms with all the energy he had. “Good for you.” It came out angrier than intended but he didn’t care anymore. His anger was returning full force and Mark holding him like this while telling him how he liked Jaebum was adding fuel into fire. “Let me go.” He tried to pull Mark’s arms away but he didn’t relent. “Why does it bother you? See, it gets you so worked up.” He couldn’t miss the amusement in his voice and felt a vein on his head pop. “Shut up,” he retorted. “I don’t give a damn who you like, just let me go,” he started to struggle against Mark’s hold but it was useless. He was too strong.

“Did you think twice when you let that girl kiss your cheek in public?” Mark’s voice had changed its pitch fast. It was laced with anger. “What’s it to you?” Jackson shot back. “Then what’s it to you how I am with Jaebum?” Mark said back. They were heaving angrily but Mark still didn’t let him go. Jackson’s arms were on Mark’s, he had no energy to fight him. “Stop staring at me,” Jackson mumbled as he again started struggling in Mark’s hold. “I did. And you cried.” Mark mocked and Jackson hit his arm again. They again fell into a silence and Mark sighed contentedly to have Jackson that close to him. Jackson’s head was resting back on his shoulder and they were breathing in sync. “Can’t you just respect me a little?” Mark’s words rumbled against his throat as his fingers trailed across Jackson’s knuckles and made him shift slightly in his hold. “Make me,” Jackson instantly shot back, moved his hand away and cleared his throat. He didn’t know how he could be so casual with Mark at that moment, as if they had known each other for ages. The arms around him didn’t bother him, Mark’s breath lingering on his shoulder, the tip of his nose touching his ear was not a big deal, as if he always knew it would come to this.

“I will.” Mark grabbed him incredibly closer and Jackson collapsed back, getting completely enveloped in his arms. “Hey…!” Jackson fought him but all he managed to do was unfold his legs and stretch them ahead, actually sitting in between Mark’s legs which were tight around his hips. “I can do so much more than that baby,” he slurred as his hand roamed on his sides and rested on his thighs. “If you let me,” his fists bunched into Jackson’s button down with desperation. Hearing Mark breathe into his ear so erotically while being called baby was making Jackson lose his mind. Mark was hunched over him, his weight completely on him, making his back pain unbearably. His fingers were now playing with the hem of his shirt, tingling his thighs. “Hyung…let go.” “No, please,” Mark had his lips against the junction where Jackson’s neck and shoulder met. He pressed a light kiss there and Jackson shuddered. “Why are you like this?” he wiggled as Mark tightly hugged him, still nuzzling in his neck. “Because I want you, I want you so bad. I have never wanted anyone as much as you. You drive me crazy,” Mark licked his neck without any restraints and Jackson moaned. “Then come catch me,” Jackson nudged his ribs and ran, leaving a very shocked Mark behind.  

“Get back here,” Mark yelled as he ran to catch Jackson who had run towards the building. Students were filing out and Mark cursed loudly. Before he knew it, Jackson was surrounded by Jinyoung and Youngjae and some of his other friends. Mark was panting and Jaebum made his way towards him with all their friends following closely. Jackson had his eyes locked with Mark’s, a very naughty glint in his eyes and a smirk lacing his lips. Mark frowned at him and bit his lip. Jaebum had his arm around his shoulder in no time and Jackson’s smirk seemed to vanish.

Mark moved closer to him and rested his head on his shoulder and Jackson scowled openly. It was Mark’s turn to smirk. Youngjae and Jinyoung were closely watching the weird interaction happening right in front of their eyes, so were Mark’s friends. It was childish but intense. Mark went on to sniff Jaebum’s hair and thread his fingers through it. Jaebum was surprised but did not protest because he knew he was just being used to get a reaction out of Jackson. What tipped Jackson’s scale was Mark almost touching Jaebum’s neck with his lips. He stormed towards them and held Mark by his hair. He pulled Mark ahead with force and led him to his own neck. “Time to be loyal, hyung.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will have what you have been waiting for. I swear. This was foundation!


	8. Mania

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is smitten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol hate on me, may be kill me but no matter how hard I tried, it just happened like this.

Hoots followed Jackson’s statement and Mark looked up at him surprised. He definitely did not expect Jackon to do this in front of everyone but he felt his blood run south when he felt his hair being grabbed harshly. He smirked at the younger and planted a light kiss on his neck. “Need more than this to remain loyal, Wang,” he winked and Jackson blushed furiously. He immediately let Mark go and hid behind Jinyoung. There were muffled giggles coming from all directions and he just wanted to hide in a hole somewhere. Why was Mark like this? Ugh.

“Stop hiding,” Mark said and Jackson raised his head from behind Jinyoung. He met Mark’s eyes and shied away. He somehow managed to stand beside Jinyoung and cleared his throat. “I am going to go home now,” he whispered to Jinyoung who giggled. “Whose?” “Yah!” Jackson hit him on his back and looked at Mark who was still staring at him while his friends were making some really crass comments about juniors being too forward these days.

Mark walked towards Jackson and he instantly took a step back. Everybody else took it as their cue to leave them alone. Jackson desperately wanted to ignore the horrible expression that Youngjae had given him, but it was impossible. There were hardly any students left in the college now, most of them making their way to the cafeteria or the field or the library.

Mark ran his fingers through his own hair as he kept on cornering Jackson. When his back hit a wall, Jackson had his arms stretched before him. “What are you doing?” he whispered as he looked around. Mark still kept walking ahead and now Jackson’s palms were flat against his chest. He instantly pulled them back and looked around. “Hyung please,” he pleaded although not really sure for what. “Come with me.” His voice was authoritative. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. “Huh?” Jackson wasn’t sure he had heard it right. “Come with me.” He gulped and then he just couldn’t meet Mark’s eyes. “Hyung…this is too fast…I…need time. Please.” Mark sighed. “I was just going to buy you some ice-cream, you look all hot and bothered.” Jackson’s head shot up, surprise written all over his face and Mark couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped. “You…buying me ice-cream?” “Ummhmm,” Mark took a step closer and it made him almost immerse himself into the wall. “Hyung…please,” he pleaded again. “Please what?” he caged the younger and smirked. “There are people around here, please,” he whisper yelled and Mark’s smirk widened. “Then let’s go somewhere there’s no people.” Jackson squeaked, pushed Mark away and ran to his classroom. Mark followed him but his steps weren’t hurried. He knew Jackson wasn’t going anywhere unless he wanted him to.

Jackson gathered his things as fast as he could because his brain wasn’t working right. He wasn’t sure about anything that had happened in the last one hour and it seemed like a parallel reality. He fucking teased Mark? He asked him to be loyal? Who the fuck was he? Did something possess him? Recalling the whole life changing experience, he blushed furiously yet again. His lips trembled as he remembered Mark’s tongue on his neck, the soft kisses that he planted there, especially the one in front of everyone. What was he going to do? He had practically shoved Mark’s face into his own neck. What was up with him? He sat down and hid his face in his arms and started taking deep breaths. Did this mean he was gay? But was he really? He didn’t know. He just knew he was okay with Mark having his arms around him, placing kisses on his neck, cornering him and asking him out for ice-fucking-cream. He was not okay with Mark’s arms around someone else, not okay with Mark almost kissing someone else and Mark ignoring him. Mark, Mark, Mark. What the hell!

“I am waiting, baby.” The voice and the endearment gave him goose bumps. He looked up and found Mark resting against the doorframe and he couldn’t help but stare at the elder. He looked so handsome, the black button down and blue denims hugged his well-built body just right. A golden watch rested on his left wrist delicately but his forearms were anything but delicate. His red hair were parted in the middle, fringes delicately rested on his forehead, complimenting his godly face. A single stud in his left ear was shining and Jackson felt something pool inside his stomach. His eyes raked from Mark’s face to his chest, which he knew was really sturdy. His button down did nothing to hide the strong muscle underneath and he was surprised it didn’t just tear when Mark had folded his arms on his chest like that. His hips looked strong and dominating, thighs in-shape and hard. He knew a good body when he saw one. He looked back up at Mark and noticed him smirking.

“Wondering what’s underneath?” he roamed his tongue over his teeth. Jackson hid his face in his arms again. “If you ask me nicely…” Mark’s voice had gone an octave lower as he entered the class. Jackson stiffened. “I will undress for you…” Mark leaned over Jackson, one hand on the back of his chair and another on his table. The younger pulled himself closer in his own arms as if shielding himself from the elder. “Don’t want me to do it?” his voice was soft but desperate. Jackson let out a whimper. With a lot of effort he looked up, his brown eyes staring into Mark’s dark ones. He shied away again and he wanted to curse himself for being like this. He wasn’t a girl to shy away! What was happening? “Don’t want it?” he repeated and Jackson looked back at him again. “Stop it,” he whined in response and Mark smirked. “You know what I want?” he voice was sinful, really sinful and Jackson just wanted to run away. He waited for Jackson to look up but when he didn’t he just continued to talk. “I want you.” A low grumble escaped his lips as Jackson shifted in his spot, his nervous, bothered body didn’t do anything to hide how Mark was making him feel.

“Why are you like this?” Jackson mumbled. “Stop. You are embarrassing me. Stop talking like this.” “Spend this weekend with me,” Mark said desperately and Jackson looked up. “What?” “Spend this weekend with me at my farmhouse.” “You are crazy.” “You make me crazy.” “Are my friends invited too?” “No. Just you and me.” Jackson’s stomach lurched at the implication. “Go away,” he pushed Mark’s arm with his elbow unsuccessfully. “Are you scared?” Mark moved even closer. “Are you scared that I will lose control with you?” “Do you not think about what this means for me? You are so selfish,” Jackson pouted and Mark moved impossibly closer to his face. “You don’t know the things you do to me. Do you think about me when you act like this?” “Act like what?” “Cute. So fucking cute that I want to lift you up and take you home?” Jackson went back to hiding and Mark planted a kiss on his head. “I will not do anything to you. Spend the weekend with me. Get to know me. Smile for me and laugh with me. Eat with me and walk with me. I really want to do all these things with you, Jackson.”

“This is going too fast,” he said silently, knowing full well that it was going to break Mark’s heart. “OK!” Mark moved away and Jackson suddenly missed having him that close. “You still have two days to think about it. Do you want to have ice-cream or even that is too fast for you?” Mark asked, voice devoid of any affection, face stoic. Jackson clicked his tongue and got up. He slowly moved towards Mark, who was standing with his back towards Jackson. He wasn’t as tall as the elder and the difference in height even if not more, made him stand on his toes so he could reach Mark’s nape. He blew on it and Mark jerked. “Let’s go, angry bird,” he whispered and Mark bit his cheek to hide a smile.

They walked out in silence, Mark with his hands in his pocket and Jackson looking at his shoes. The silence was comfortable but full of nervous tension. They walked to the car park where Mark’s grey Lexus NX Hybrid stood. Mark unlocked it and went on to open the door for Jackson. He was going to sit in the elder’s car! Who would have thought it would come to this? Wasn’t he the angry senior who hated him? He bit his lip as he realized just how much things had changed. The interior of the car was plush and neat, smelled oddly of Mark and formed goose bumps on his body. He came and sat in his seat and put his seat belt on. “Put on the belt.” Anything he said came out like a command and Jackson pouted. “Why are you scolding me?” he mumbled as he put on the belt. “I am not,” he argued as he started the car. The pout intensified and Mark stared, throat going dry at how adorable Jackson looked, snugly sitting beside him. Mark extended his hand towards him and brushed the pad of his thumb against his bottom lip to make the pout go away. Jackson gasped and he covered his mouth with his own hands. Mark just let out a laugh. “Damn, you are cute,” he whispered as he started to drive and Jackson blushed for the nth time that day.

The drive was silent and Jackson looked out the window in the hopes that his heart would beat normally. Mark was right there, beside him, stealing glances and it just made him so shy. Did all same sex relationships work like this? He did not have a reference point so he didn’t know and he didn’t have the courage to ask Mark. “Are you okay?” Jackson looked at him and nodded. “You look tense.” “Sorry, err…first time out with a guy who is not a friend,” he accepted shyly and Mark smiled. “What am I to you?” “Angry bird,” Jackson shot but turned red immediately after. “Is that all?” he pushed. “For now,” Jackson smirked and felt proud of teasing Mark like that. “If you do come with me for the weekend, I am sure you will be able to answer this question better,” he licked his lips as he looked at Jackson. “Shi! Eyes on the road,” he hit Mark’s shoulder to make him look in front. “Come with me,” his free hand lightly stroked Jackson’s thigh and his breath hitched. “Come with me, Jackson.” The younger gulped, his heartbeat rising so fast, lips parting looking at Mark’s fingertips grazing his thigh, feather touch but extremely disarming.  “Nghhh.” “I have waited so long, please,” Mark pleaded. “Just two days. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to but come with me,” he continued and Jackson’s body came alive with just his fingertips.

The car came to a stop near a popular ice-cream shop that also sold protein shakes and different desserts. Jackson still had his eyes closed, relishing the currents his body felt emanating from the place where Mark had touched him. “We are here.” Mark took his hand away and waited. The younger opened his eyes, face flushed and lips parted and Mark wanted to take him right there. “Oh God…” he leaned forward and Jackson thought his heart would stop beating any moment now. Mark combed his fingers through Jackson’s hair and massaged his scalp. The younger enjoyed the affection and the sensation sent his body into a frenzy. “I have been waiting to do this…you are so soft like this, so pretty,” he nuzzled into his head and breathed him in. Jackson hummed, pleased and uncharacteristically shameless. Mark grabbed his hair and tugged him in his own direction. “The things you do to me,” he inched closer, lips just centimetres away from the younger’s. He was about to hold Jackson’s plump bottom lip in between his own but he was pushed away. Jackson rushed out of the car giggling.

Mark huffed and followed. “I swear to God, you are going to get it rough if you pull this stunt on me again,” he cursed under his breath. “What?” Jackson asked innocently and he just shook his head. They headed inside, Jackson maintained a safe distance while they walked, a faint blush still present on his cheeks. He still didn’t believe that he was out with Mark and that he was almost had his first kiss with a boy. The elder had his hand on his lower back, lightly placed but present as he guided him. “What do you want to have?” “French Vanilla with chocolate syrup and pretzels.” It made Mark smile. He went to order for them both, his cookies and cream perfectly contrasting Jackson’s vanilla.  

They had chosen a cosy corner to sit in. Mark had got him their orders and Jackson had dug in happily. “Why couldn’t you ask me out like a normal person?” he asked, mouth still full of ice-cream, a little of it threatening to drip down his lips. It was all too distracting, making Mark forget to eat his spoonful. He stupidly held it in front of his mouth. It dripped and fell on the table. “Oh shit,” Jackson used a few tissues to clean the mess and guided Mark’s hand back down. “What are you doing?” “Huh?” “You have a short attention span, don’t you?” he smirked and Mark clicked his tongue. “I do not.” “Do you remember what I asked you before you spaced out?” Mark sighed and shook his head. “Why couldn’t you ask me out like a normal person?” Mark bit his lip at the question. “For starters, I was sure you were straight. It got confirmed when I saw you with that girl at the mall. Then, you were just hard to deal with, I blame it on you being like this. And third, I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to explore this side of me again. It was all too much to process and it just made me angry and helpless,” he confessed and Jackson felt bad. “What do you mean explore this side again?” Jackson was suddenly unclear about how he felt about Mark having feelings for another man. “I liked a guy but he didn’t like me back. So…” “Who was it?” Mark moved in his spot uncomfortably and Jackson felt like he really didn’t want to know the answer. “Jaebum.” Jackson’s felt a pit in his stomach and it must have shown on his face because Mark suddenly leaned forward. “It was years ago and he’s straight,” he said quickly. Jackson nodded, unsure how to react. Mark was always with Jaebum, they were too close to each other and it just set him off to see them attached at the hip like that. “Jackson…we are best friends. Don’t even go there. You asked me to be loyal today and I will be. I promise,” he punctuated his statement by rubbing his thumb on his knuckles delicately.

“This is all new to me. And until today, I didn’t think a man could make me feel this way. So…if I take time to respond, please don’t be hurt. Just know that it’s because this is all new to me.” The honesty and sincerity in his words made Mark feel warm. “I understand. It’s just that it gets hard to…ugh…control myself around you when you look like this…you don’t know the torture-” Jackson hurriedly covered his mouth and looked around as if someone was eavesdropping on them. “Don’t talk like this here,” he whispered and moved his hand. The tips of his ears were red and Mark loved the effect his words had on the younger. He absolutely loved it.

“I will take some time hyung, but I really want to explore this. You were not exactly good through this, you were mean, but I…” “You what?” Mark leaned further towards him in anticipation. “I think you are not that bad for trying so hard?” he chuckled and Mark scowled. “Angry bird,” Jackson touched his nose with his finger and Mark had his mouth open. He closed it with the same finger and gave him a blinding smile which Mark couldn’t help but reciprocate. “This is the third time I am seeing you smiling genuinely hyung. It’s so pretty,” Jackson blurted and bit his tongue. Mark glowed in the appreciation that came out of nowhere and his eyes shined like stars. “Seriously, stop being so angry and grumpy, smile more, what does it cost?” Jackson added casually as he finished last of his ice-cream. “May be if you spend the weekend with me…” he whispered and Jackson had his eyes wide.

“Shush!” he blushed brightly and signalled Mark to get up. “Thanks for the treat hyung,” he bowed and gave him a small smile. “I will drop you home.” They walked out, Mark trailing awkwardly behind him because suddenly their time together was coming to an end. He didn’t want to let Jackson go but he suddenly remembered Jaebum telling him to tone it down. He had crossed multiple boundaries today and he didn’t want to add to it. But did he regret it? No. With Jackson it was always going to be difficult to maintain boundaries. “I can take a cab from here.” “Nope.” Mark pushed him to the car and the boy again insisted that he could just take a cab. “You don’t have to be a gentleman, I am not a girl.” “It’s not about you being a girl or a boy, it’s about what it means to me.”

The drive back home was again silent but comfortable. Mark had put on some songs which were really Jackson’s jam. He hummed along happily and Mark just loved how things were progressing. Jackson’s phone rang and things shifted a bit. “Anne, what’s up?” Mark decreased the volume so that Jackson could talk comfortably. “No, sorry about that. Umm…” he looked at Mark and tensed a bit. “Oh? No no, it was fun. Yeah,” he smiled nervously and tried really hard to not look at the elder who was starting to get a bit suspicious. “Umm…about this weekend? Can I call you back?” he asked lamely and hung up. Mark had taken the long route and now they were near a small park which look deserted. Jackson blamed it on the blazing sun which was setting as slowly as ever. He suddenly parked the car under a tree and Jackson got confused. “Anne? Is that the girl from the mall?” Mark asked softly and Jackson scratched the back of his neck nervously. “Ummhmm.” Mark’s face twitched a bit and Jackson was afraid things were going to get a bit complicated. “What about the weekend?” “She wanted to know if I was free.” “Why are you going to call her back?” “It’s just something you say when you don’t wanna commit a date?” Jackson added impatiently.

Mark relaxed a bit at that and breathed a sigh of relief. “Why are we stopping here?” he asked anxiously as Mark looked at him. “Oh, we aren’t.” They drove towards Jackson’s house. Deep inside Mark was excited to see where Jackson lived, having kept extreme self-control and not finding it out himself. Jaebum wouldn’t have let him live if he would have behaved like a complete stalker. “Second right from the next intersection.”

The small road led to three beautifully sprawled houses with manicured gardens and grand gates. “Which one’s yours?” “The last one. The other two belong to my uncles. They don’t live here anymore, so we use the whole space however we want.” The first two houses were dark and appeared empty but they had really well maintained gardens and looked clean. Jackson’s house looked livelier just like him. “Is this a private road?” Jackson nodded and Mark made an o. “Cool.” “Would you like to come in hyung?” he asked politely but Mark shook his head. “Don’t wanna bother your parents.” “They are not home at the moment,” he mumbled. Mark knew if he was alone with Jackson in an enclosed space, he was going to do something stupid. His heart was already sinking to see the boy go so he sighed. He was already out of the car and looked at Mark awkwardly.

“Thank you for dropping me,” he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “See you tomorrow?” he slung his bag on his back and looked at the elder. He sprang out of the car and walked to him. Mark looked around and drank in the silence, the absolutely still surroundings. “Is it always this quiet here?” The boy nodded gingerly. “Dad doesn’t like commotion. That’s why we live here.” Mark rested against the car, hands in his pockets as he looked at Jackson again. The evening light made his skin glow, his soft black hair moving to the tune of the light breeze. The tips of his ears were still red and he fidgeted with the belt of his bag like it was second nature. He walked closer and the younger froze, nervously looking into his eyes. He resembled a scared puppy and Mark definitely loved puppies. “Thank you,” Mark whispered and planted a chaste kiss on his forehead. Mark was so tender, it almost made Jackson’s heart clench. Was this the same guy who choked him? The same person who he had come to hate for his angry ways? His lips lingered on his forehead and Jackson felt his eyes close, the soft touch making him sway on his legs slightly.

He awkwardly put his palms on Mark’s chest because it seemed right. The warmth that the elder was emanating was hard to reject. Before he knew it, he was being wrapped in a soft embrace, Mark’s strong arms being extremely gentle and loving. His head was tucked snugly under the elder’s chin and a comforting hand held his nape while another draped his back. It felt so safe and soft, it felt amazing. Jackson just couldn’t deny how good it felt.

“I have been wanting to do this too since long,” he heard the elder whisper and he wrapped his arms slowly but surely around the elder. He heard him sigh contentedly. They parted and the excitement of being like this with Mark made Jackson feel dizzily happy. He smiled wide, eyes practically shining like stars when he looked at him. “See you tomorrow hyung,” he waved excitedly and turned to leave.

A quick tug at his wrist and he was pinned against the car, his bag slowly pushed down to the ground and Mark was invading his personal space like it didn’t exist. “I don’t want you to leave.” Jackson looked at him and gulped. He was sure his parents would be home any moment but even he didn’t want Mark to go. “My parents will be-” Mark had cupped his face and planted a wet kiss on his cheek. He squeaked. Quick kisses were placed on his nose, his other cheek, his eyes, chin and jawline. “Hyung…” Mark forced his head back and started to kiss his neck. “Jack…son,” he licked his way from his chin to his collar bone. “Come with me,” he continued to run his tongue on his sweaty neck. He slightly tipped it to his right and planted kisses under his ear lobe. Jackson shivered under his touch, a breathless moan escaping his lips. “Just you and me…” he bit his earlobe and heard a whine. “Come with me this weekend…” he whispered in his ear and the younger’s body shook intensely at his warm breath. Mark’s thumbs pressed against Jackson’s sides, delicately moving under his shirt and touching his waist. “I need you to come with me baby,” he again planted sloppy kisses under his ear and Jackson jerked. “Will you come with me? Say yes.”

“Yes, yes,” his hold on Mark’s shoulders tightened as his breath hitched. Mark kissed his cheek, satisfied. The younger was still breathing hard, Mark could clearly feel his heart thumping loudly in his chest so he rested his forehead against him. “I have never been this desperate for anybody.” He rubbed his nose against Jackson. “I am still holding back, I really am,” he gripped Jackson’s biceps hard. “I am so hard baby, I am so fucking hard because of you,” he nuzzled into his neck and fisted his button down. “You are torturing me.” Jackson bit his lip, head clouded with the images of Mark on the top of him, naked and hard, calling him baby and touching every part of his body. In a moment of spiked courage, Jackson pulled him closer, easily able to feel his hardness against his thigh. “Ohh,” he held Mark by his nape and gasped. “This is…” he cleared his throat but Mark jerked his hips against his thigh again. “New?” Mark breathed hard on his neck. “Hot.” “Oh God,” Mark fisted his hair and bit his neck so hard that Jackson was sure it would draw blood. “You don’t know half the things I want to do to you. Just know that I am holding back, not kissing the life out of you or taking you home and fucking you raw because I care too much,” he licked the hickey which now started gaining colour. Jackson whimpered and hugged Mark at those words. He inhaled his scent and felt his blood run south. This was all too much for him.

For a while they were just in each other’s arms and Mark held him like he was the most precious person in his life. Slowly they calmed down and Mark let him go. “I can’t wait to spend time with you. Give me your number?” Jackson laughed out loud at the irony of it all. “You bit me first and then asked for my number?” he mumbled. “We are not like those common couples, are we?” It set something off in Jackson and he planted a quick kiss on Mark’s nose. “Couple?” he smiled, eyes crinkling and super adorable. “Yeah. You will realize that once I dedicate myself to someone, I never hold back…my affections…” he winked and got hit on his arm. “Go home angry bird,” Jackson handed him his phone back. “Can’t have enough of you. Call me?” “Don’t be disgustingly sweet.” Jackson picked his bag up, the sun had finally set and the sky was still beautiful. “It’s because I just tasted you.” Mark said it without any hold up. “AAAhhhhhhaaahhhh” Jackson yelled. “Go.” He pushed Mark and got a chuckle in return. “So weekend?” Jackson just smiled shyly and ran off. He was looking forward to the weekend more than Mark, and Mark didn’t even know!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said smut was coming, which it is, but sorry not just yet and honestly, we need to appreciate Jackson's cuteness more, dont you think? Dont blame me, he's my bias and deserves a lot of attention. :(


	9. Drenched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark finds it hard to break habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Connect the stuff I used with the references Markson provided when they first met. I had used one when they went to eat ice-cream. Now time for the second one. 
> 
> This is not one of my best chapters but I have written it literally pushing myself through my mad work schedule. The next update will come a bit later. I hope you can at least nitpick through this mess and say that 'oh, this seems okay!'
> 
> Thanks for all the love and all the amazing, supportive Top!Mark comments. We know an alpha when we see one, fam. 
> 
> Also how excited are we for tomorrow? My finger hurts due to tapping hearts. The things I do for these boys. Ugh. I hope we all squeal like little bitches tomorrow. Love you.
> 
> xoxo

Even if Mark had Jackson’s number, Jackson didn’t have his. It was almost over two hours that Mark hadn’t even called or messaged him. Jackson snorted. Wasn’t Mark the one asking to be called? ‘Dumbass, I don’t have your number,’ he muttered as he paced his room. His parents had come back minutes after Mark left and he was thankful they hadn’t witnessed him leaning against a car out in the open like that with a boy. No, he knew his parents were liberal and would never even bat an eye if he told them he suddenly felt gay for this handsome American senior. But he knew they liked to keep their private lives private.

Seriously, where was Mark? Was he with…Jaebum? Maybe he just forgot to message him because they were together? He sighed as his brain again showed him disturbing visuals of the two elders kissing each other passionately. He shook his head to get rid of them and stared at himself in the mirror. The blotch that Mark had left on his neck was still red and angry. Damn, his teeth were sharp! He felt so shy and smiled at the memories of the time he spent with Mark. Butterflies, something he never expected to feel due to a boy, were dancing in his stomach. He held on to his phone, expecting Mark’s call any moment but two hours and still nothing.

Finally when it did ring, it was Jinyoung. “Jinyoung-ah?” “Where are you?” “I am at home.” “Again, whose?” Jinyoung cackled away and Jackson swore. “My own. Wassup?” “Nothing, just thought to check up on you. How…did it go?” Jackson smiled shyly and let out a small laugh. “Ugh, he is cheesy. Can you believe it? Mark Tuan, the impenetrable wall, the angry young man is a cheese ball?” he giggled. “He is too soft, softer than I ever imagined him to be.” Jackson smiled fondly because even thinking about Mark made his insides go soft. “What did he say?” “I will not share my private moments with Mark with you,” he snorted and heard Jinyoung whining. They went silent. “Are you okay?” “Yes. It’s just new, tis all. Umm and he hasn’t called me yet so I am getting a-” “Don’t even go there. Stop thinking. May be he is busy or driving or something. Don’t over think,” he warned and Jackson hummed. “I am happy for you and him. Now that I think about it, you two are…good together.” He hung up after endless giggles and promises to spill and fell on his bed with arms spread wide. Ugh, he was so smitten.

His phone buzzed and he saw that it was an unknown number calling. He hastily answered, heart beating really fast. “Hello?” “Hi baby.” Jackson giggled shyly. “Where are you?” “Huh?” “I asked, where are you?” “Oh! Umm, just got home.” Jackson hummed, unsure what to say next. “What are you doing?” he asked apprehensively. “Umm…nothing. Debating whether or not to shower.” “Why?” “I still smell like you.” Jackson squeaked, hiding his face into the pillow and trying really hard not to cringe. “Shi! Why are you like this?” he could hardly talk with the way he was feeling. “I don’t know. Seriously, I was never like this. I am anything but like this,” he heard the elder whine.

“Is it weird that I already miss you? Can’t you just come to my place?” he uttered and Jackson widened his eyes. “What? You are crazy hyung. Go take that shower,” he laughed. “Don’t you miss me?” he asked softly and Jackson hummed quickly. “I do, very much.” “What are you wearing?” Jackson laughed loudly at the question. “A t-shirt and shorts.” “Why?” “What do you mean why?” “Why do you need to wear clothes?” Jackson bit his lip, a blush crept on his face. “What are you saying?” “Don’t wear clothes,” Mark whispered. “I don’t want to get beaten for public nudity,” he giggled. “Don’t wear clothes in front of me,” Mark spoke deeply into the phone and Jackson stilled. “Hyung, stop talking like that,” he mumbled, too shy to talk straight. “I can’t forget how soft you are. Is that all mine?” Mark almost growled and Jackson felt goose bumps form on his body.

“Hey…shuddup now.” His heart was beating so fast because Mark was being like that. “You know I had to take care of myself after I got home? And then bean called when I was right in the middle of-” “I told you to not call him that! Don’t!” Jackson breathed heavily, a frown decorating his face. “Oh, it’s a name I call him since years.” “I don’t care. I said you can’t call him that, that’s it.” “Okay, okay. Calm down jeez. Someone’s so possessive.” Jackson whined at the statement but didn’t refute it. “It’s not about me being possessive hyung, it’s just…it’s just the way you say it. I don’t like it.” He sighed. “Why?” Jackson pondered over the question and finally decided he had to do it. “I want all your affection for myself, cannot share it,” he mumbled and hiding under his pillow. “Really? I still don’t believe this Jackson. This…I never thought you would…respond to me,” his voice broke a little and Jackson felt his heart clench. “Hyung…it was about time I fell for you…you were always on my mind…don’t doubt it,” he reassured the elder and could clearly feel him smiling. “Now go shower,” he urged and Mark hummed. “I miss you, can’t wait to see you tomorrow,” he said and Jackson couldn’t contain his smile. “Me too. See you tomorrow. Bye,” he mumbled. “Oh Jackson?” “Hmm?” “Send me a selfie?”

**

Jackson was up early, happiness engulfing him like never before. Just the thought of seeing Mark made him smile, excitement buzzing under his skin and his heart thumping inside his chest wildly. He quickly got into the shower. He chose a total black outfit for some reason, making it a point to hide the hickey with a lot of concealer. He felt confident and handsome. Mark looking at him with those shiny eyes as if he was the most desirable person in the world was what gave him that high and he was relishing it.

When he went down for breakfast, his parents were already waiting for him. “Morning GaGa,” he got a kiss on his cheek from his mother and sat down. He started happily eating his pancakes when his dad cleared his throat. “GaGa?” “Hmm daddy?” “There is a very fine looking young man waiting for you with his car outside.” His voice was levelled and did not show any kind of irritation but a mild surprise. “It’s a very nice Lexus Hybrid, black or grey, I think.” Jackson’s face was quickly turning red and he bit his lip. “That’s someone you know, right? I couldn’t ask security to move him since he didn’t look like a troublemaker?” Jackson was still silent, his blush intensifying so fast that he just wanted to hide. His parents were deeply amused at their son acting like this because Jackson was anything but shy when he was dating girls. They weren’t sure why a young man would come wait for Jackson at 7:30 in the morning until they realized _ooh_ and were having a little fun of their own. “Mummy?” Jackson’s mom tried really hard to not laugh. “Hmm?” “Err…” She looked at him with confusion but Jackson knew that look all too well. It was so fake. “Mummmyyyyy…” he whined as she burst into fits of giggles.

He put down his fork and rushed to the living room. His face was red and he didn’t know what to do or where to go. Had they both already seen Mark? Oh God. And why was he outside anyway? “Hello?” “Morning.” Mark’s voice was happy and it was easy to make out he was smiling. “Why are you outside?” “Came to pick you up for college.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world for him to do. “What?” “Came to pick you up Jackson,” he repeated softly. “My parents saw you.” There was a silence on the line and Jackson’s heart was beating erratically. “Ohh? Did they say something?” “Oh my God hyung, they fucking teased me. What the hell! My dad called you a very fine looking young man? AAAhhhh. Why are you all like this to me?” he whined and Mark just laughed. “Coming or not? I am waiting for you since long. Wanted to surprise you but well…” “Seriously, I am not your girlfriend to pick me up and stuff.” “Eww. I don’t pick and drop girls. I am doing this because it’s you and I want to spend time with you. And I know you are very much male.” Jackson smiled and hung up.

“So who’s this guy?” his mother asked when he was about to rush out. “Umm…Mark, he’s my senior.” His father raised both his eyebrows. “Ohh…Mark Tuan.” Even saying Mark’s name made his face go red to the point that he felt it was on fire. “And?” “And nothing?” he mumbled, nervousness kicking in full force. His mother scowled. “How boring!” Now Jackson didn’t have the heart to tell his mom their story or how romantic it had become in the last 24 hours. “Actually, umm I have to rush now. See you later?” he waved and dashed out of the house, with his heart in his mouth.  

When he got in the car, Mark was already smiling at him hard. “You look so cute,” he cooed and Jackson huffed. “Who looks cute in an all-black outfit? You are too much.” Mark pressed his thigh affectionately and he was already melting. “Seriously, don’t pick me up? It’s…” he mumbled. “Now what’s the problem in me picking you up?” “Umm…my friends…” Mark just laughed. “What, scared of some taunts?” “You do not want to know how far it goes. I have a feeling I am going to have to repay for my sins with Jinyoung,” he grabbed his hair dramatically. “Deal with it, you are a big boy,” he patted his thigh again and Jackson just sighed.

It hardly took ten minutes to get to the college but Jackson loved how much they enjoyed each other’s company. Even the momentary silence was so pink and pretty. Mark parked his car and Jaebum was already waiting for him. When he saw Jackson get down the car, he just turned around and started walking really fast. One moment it was all butterflies and in the second Jackson was just bought back down from the clouds. “Hey Jaebum, wait up you little b-” Mark yelled and stopped mid-way because Jackson was with him. Jackson had a neutral expression on his face. “See you later.” He left and Mark closed his eyes to gather himself. “Jackson,” he quickly followed the younger who by now was sprinting across the car park. “Wait…” he caught up to him and grabbed his elbow lightly. “I am late for class.” “Are you mad at me?” “No.” “Don’t be like this.” “I am late for class.” “He’s my best friend…” “Gotta go.” Mark saw the younger walk away and he felt his heart sink.

Mark made his way to the class which didn’t start for another half an hour. He had come early just because he wanted to go pick Jackson up. He would have otherwise bunked college without a second thought. Now, he was irritated. Was Jackson going to cancel on the weekend plan? Shit.

Mark was bad at breaking habits. Who wasn’t? Jaebum had been with him through thick and thin, tolerated so many of his outbursts, more recently a sexual abuse just because he was too good of a friend. Jackson had to understand that, didn’t he? Just one day into this and he was already feeling like it was going to be difficult. His anger and associated issues had made him a pessimist and who was he kidding, he always had bad luck when it came to something he really desired. When he saw Jaebum waiting for him by the staircase he relaxed, just snaking his arms around the boy and hugging him. “You are stupid, you know that right?” Jaebum slapped his nape flat and he whined. He hugged the boy even harder because seriously, Jaebum made him feel too comfortable in his skin, never having complained about his issues, always being there for him. “You are heavy,” Jaebum pushed but he still didn’t let go. “Two minutes,” he pleaded and the boy just quit.

“Stop acting like a child, you dumbass,” he patted Mark’s head affectionately. “He is mad at me already. How do I mess things up always?” “He might not be. Give him time to adjust to you? Try to be in his shoes for a moment.” “What do you mean?” Jaebum sighed and finally Mark let him go and looked into his eyes. “Yien, this is the first time he is with a guy. He is insecure, he is scared that it will end like a dream. This is difficult for him, stupid.” Mark bit his lip and nodded in understanding. “But, I went to pick him up. And…and I have been super sweet to him. At this point I am pretty sure I love him, Jaebum-ah.” Jaebum gulped, tears quickly forming into his eyes as if Mark had said something bad. “Jaebum?” Mark was shocked at his reaction. “What happened? Oh my God. What happened bean? Did I say something wrong?” Jaebum lunged into his arms and held him tight. Without a second thought Mark had his arms wrapped around him. “What is it? You are scaring me.” “You love him?” Mark breathed shallowly. “Do you really love him?” he asked again when he didn’t get a response. Jaebum was holding him so tight that he thought he would stop breathing any moment now.  

“I think I do.” Jaebum cried harder for a few minutes and finally let go. “I am happy for you.” He released his hold and looked at Mark. His voice was hoarse, thanks to all the crying but his eyes were actually shining, as if he was relieved, as if this was an end to something he didn’t really understand. Mark hated ends of any kind so he cupped his face. “It doesn’t mean that I will forget how you made me feel, Jaebum.” Mark’s voice broke but he knew what he said was true. Before Jackson, Jaebum was everything to him. It was because he had Jaebum by his side, he had come this far, he had taken treatment, he had approached Jackson. Everything good had started because of Jaebum and he just couldn’t deny that.

Jaebum closed his eyes at those words and smiled. “It’s just…unsettling. Umm…I don’t know…it’s just that I was so used to you being in love with me…even if I couldn’t respond…I loved being loved by you Yien.” He planted a small kiss on Mark’s palm and smiled. “Now, I want you to dedicate yourself to Wang, he needs that reassurance. I will be here, no matter what. You concentrate on him. Okay?” It felt like a sad good bye and Mark felt a lump in his throat. “I am sorry if I hurt you.” He had to say it even if he knew it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes, you just fall in love and you keep on loving someone for a long time even after knowing they will never reciprocate. Mark knew a part of him would always stay with Jaebum but now he had to give himself completely to Jackson. He wasn’t going to hold back, not now.

The day passed awfully slowly and finally at the lunch hour, Mark rushed to the cafeteria. Jackson hadn’t replied to his text messages. Mark hoped it was just because he was in class and actually paying attention. When he reached the cafeteria, this time alone, he saw Jackson stand in the queue. His heart overflowed with affection for the boy. If it had been in his control, he would have lifted him in his arms and taken him home, peppered his face with kisses and snuggled with him in his bed. He slowly made his way towards him, looking around to see if Jackson’s friends were around. He spotted Jinyoung and Youngjae eating in a far corner, holding hands and smiling. He sighed.

He was lucky that Jackson was standing last in the queue. He quietly stood behind the boy. As the line thinned, Jackson moved ahead and Mark took a step closer. He nudged the younger’s nape with his nose and lightly placed his hands on his waist. “Hey what the…” Jackson turned in time to notice it was Mark. The tip of ears turned red and he looked around to see if anyone was looking at them. He pushed Mark’s hands away. “What are you doing?” he whisper yelled and Mark again put his hands on his waist. “Hyung, I don’t like this, we are in a public place,” he pushed Mark’s hands away harder this time and he whined. “Are you mad at me?” “No. I told you I wasn’t.” Jackson ordered a sandwich and juice, ignoring Mark’s whines and still pushing his hands away. “Can you keep your hands to yourself please?” he again whisper yelled at him. “I don’t know how to. You look so soft,” Mark stared at him with doe eyes and a slight pout and Jackson rolled his eyes.

“I am sorrrryyyyyy. It’s just that we come together to college every day. It’s our routine. I didn’t do it on purpose.” Mark put his forehead on Jackson’s shoulder and the younger’s shoulders sagged. His silence was making Mark restless. “Why didn’t you reply to my messages?” “I was in class, I still haven’t checked my phone.” “Why do I feel that you are mad at me?” “Because you are weird.” The younger grabbed his order and started to walk towards his table. “Baby.” Jackson stopped short and turned around. Mark looked really lost and bit his lip helplessly and Jackson’s heart clenched. “Hmm?” “Don’t leave me.” Jackson laughed at that. “You are so weird. I will not. Are you going to have lunch or not? Why don’t you go order with your friends? See you after class.” He walked away and Mark stood looking at his retreating form, still unsure if Jackson was mad or not.

**

Clouds dominated the sky as if they meant business, indicating impending rain and Jackson felt his mood slump. It was his last class and he was really eager to go home and just sleep. He knew he had not done anything wrong but the insecurity he felt when he saw Jaebum waiting for Mark, his gut had twisted. It turned even worse when Mark ran towards the guy, almost forgetting that he was with him, calling him by the name Jackson didn’t want him to. He trusted Mark but he didn’t trust the other guy. What if he swayed Mark over? He told himself that Jaebum had ample chances to do that already but Jackson was a jealous person. He knew it was a fault on his part, he wasn’t supposed to think of Mark as an object or even have a claim on him. They had just started off, whatever this was. It was not a commitment, there was no forever involved yet. But he knew he was extremely possessive of Mark’s attention and affection. He revelled in it and he had no intension of sharing it with anybody else, even if Jaebum was Mark’s best friend for years. His brain was yelling warning signs, telling him that he was being petty and small, but Jackson wanted to hold onto the feeling of having Mark all to himself. He respected Jaebum as Mark’s friend but he wasn’t prepared to do more until he got to know him better, got to know his true intentions with Mark.

It must show on his face because his professor looked at him funny and he smiled apologetically. Ten more minutes and he could go home and shut this gloomy weather out. He wanted to see Mark but wasn’t sure about himself reacting rationally. He didn’t want to appear clingy and whiny, petty and disgruntled because that’s how he was feeling. He wanted to hug Mark and just get lost in his arms, feel safe and protected. More than that, he just wanted to hold him tight and never let go.

Just when their class ended, downpour started and Jackson groaned. He didn’t have an umbrella and he knew Jinyoung had already smuggled Youngjae with him an hour ago for their plans. He felt lonely as he stepped out of class but was shocked when he found Mark and his gang waiting near the exit.

Wonho nudged Mark in the ribs and Mark looked up. The guys whispered into each other’s ears and Jaebum stared at Jackson, a ghost of a smile on his face. Mark cleared his throat, tips of his ears a bit red and Jackson was sure his friends had given him a hard time. He walked towards him, holding an umbrella in his hand. “Hi.” “Hi. Ready to go?” Hoots followed the question and Jackson felt himself blushing at the attention of so many guys waiting to hear his response. “Are you ready to go Wang?” Brian quipped and Jackson literally wanted to run away. “Are you ready to go home?” Jaebum asked and Jackson suddenly looked at him shocked. He was wiggling his eyebrows, his eyes glinting naughtily. “Are you ready? Are you are you?” the crass gestures that they were making with their hands made Jackson hide his face and Mark rushed closer and stood in front of him like a shield of sort. “Shut up fuckers,” he hissed as he made sure his broad shoulders covered Jackson from the view of his group. “Jeez. Jaebum take them away, God, so irritating.” “You are so gay for Wang, eww,” Wonho flipped him the bird and laughed loudly. The others waved, yelling expletives and followed Jaebum.

“Sorry, don’t mind those idiots. Ugh, pain in my ass since the morning. Turns out they-” Jackson gave him a back hug, holding him tightly and girls and guys passing by giggled. “Oh.” Mark put his arms on his and craned his neck to look at the younger’s face. “Are you okay?” Jackson hummed as he brushed his nose on Mark’s shoulder. “Let me take you home, come on,” he pulled the younger along, smiling wide. “I hate the rains,” Jackson whined as he walked beside Mark trying really hard to not bring up the subject that was bothering him. “Okay, in that case, wait here, I will bring the car?” “Noooo. Jeez, no. Let’s walk.” They shared an umbrella, the water splashed lightly on them as they walked towards the car park. If it was any other couple walking like that, Jackson would have gagged and so would Mark but now that they were living the moment, they sort of liked it. Mark pulled him closer by the shoulder and he obliged, making the elder relax completely, sending him a message that there was nothing wrong in between them anymore.

Soon they reached Mark’s car and he fumbled to find out the key, handing over the umbrella to the younger. When he did, he quickly unlocked the car and moved to get in but Jackson grabbed his wrist. “Hyung…” his voice was weak or the rain was just being mean, Mark didn’t know. “What is it?” he had moved into the shelter of the umbrella again and looked at the younger impatiently. “Please don’t leave me.” Jackson bit his lip, staring at his feet, pushing the lump in his throat and trying really hard to not cry. Mark cupped his face and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Why would I?” The rain was wetting his back but he didn’t care one bit. The things that Jaebum had told him in the morning came rushing back to him. He had to be reassuring, he had to be gentle, had to be there for Jackson and show him he was really dedicated. He took a deep breath and looked into Jackson’s eyes. “I would never leave you for anything or anyone in this world, Jackson. Okay?” Jackson nodded, his eyes reflecting the same energy they usually did when he was happy and carefree, when he was the Jackson Mark absolutely loved.

“Jackson…you are everything good there is…” Mark whispered before their foreheads touched. Jackson had closed his eyes, seeping in the warmth of Mark’s palms. “This may sound weird but…you give me strength to fight my demons. I want you in my life. I need you.” Jackson could feel his hot breath mingling with his. His heart was pounding in his chest. His shirt was sticking to him because one umbrella was just not enough. A cold shiver ran down his spine. He didn’t know if it was because of the rain or because of how close Mark was to him. The rain started to lash at them with a new found vigor, the winds making it seem like it was more like a storm. He grabbed the umbrella tightly.

“You mean everything to me, baby.” He nudged Jackson’s nose with his and gently tugged at his lips with his own. Jackson’s eyes shot open with surprise and he let the umbrella go. Momentarily, they separated due to the sudden loss of cover. They were getting drenched in the rain so fast that they didn’t have time to react. They were unable to see the expressions on each other’s face but in the next moment Mark captured his lips again, this time in a more meaningful kiss. Their lips moved in sync as if a never solved before equation was unraveling its secrets, as if this was what they were meant to do. Jackson cupped Mark’s face and cried into the kiss, he didn’t know if his tears were of happiness or relief. What he did know was that Mark had given him a reason to love the rains.  

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am not really good at describing kisses but this was their first kiss and writing a lot about it in this chapter would have just broken the spell. I hope you found it acceptable, at least. Thanks for all the love. This story came out of nowhere so it was pretty surprising. I dont even know what happens in the next chapter, that's how unprepared I usually am about this story. I dont know how it ends but I love Markson so that counts for something.  
> Thank you for reading and please leave me comments, short or long, I love to hear your thoughts.


	10. Game Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson is triggered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, not my best chapters but I dont know how to do this any better than this. I tried really hard but this is how it turned out. I am sorry if it sucks but there's some sucking involved so uh, yeah. Dive right in and be a little forgiving. Especially dedicated metaphorically to Jackson's denim ripping game. Please go soft on me in case you hate this. Did not re-read so forgive spelling mistakes or missed words.

If it was anything Jackson was drenched in, it were the emotions of being with someone he really wanted to deeply know and understand, someone worth cherishing. Everything he was feeling was amplified as Mark’s lips moved passionately against his, setting a rhythm, creating a pace which he wanted to match. It wasn’t even a competition but Jackson knew he was losing and the loss wasn’t even bitter. Jackson was losing his sense of being as he was slowly entwining with Mark in the most intimate of ways, the slow rising and falling of their chests but a testament of how their desire to be with each other in every possible way was blooming. He never wanted to let go of the other. In that moment he thought he was in love, the realization drenching him even more than the raindrops. He shivered from head to toe and Mark stopped. They breathed, erratic but happy, conscious yet dazed and Mark pulled him in a hug so tight that Jackson thought he would integrate into Mark in that moment.

The euphoria lasted till the moment they were both a shivering mess, wet, and practically blinded by the harsh rain. But it was something neither of them could ever trade with anything in their lives. “You are so wet, get in,” Mark pushed him towards the car and rushed to the driver seat. Jackson picked his bag up, hauled it in and hoped he wasn’t ruining Mark’s expensive car. He checked his books and thanked the stars that his bag was waterproof but thumped his head back when he saw his phone was completely soaked and dead. Shit. Mark started the car and they rushed off but Jackson wasn’t sure where. “I am taking you to my place. You can change and I can use the restroom, sorry but my stomach hurts right now and I don’t want to make it awkward with your parents after today morning,” he spat words so fast that Jackson took time to understand what he was saying. Jackson laughed when he did.

“I am sorry about your car, is it going to be a problem?” Jackson looked around and it was definitely going to be a problem because the water from their clothes had created sort of a puddle in the car. “Oh don’t worry about it, not a big deal.” They had avoided eye contact from the moment they got into the car. Jackson felt his face was on fire even when the rest of his body was already shivering. “There’s a hoodie at the back. You can put it on. You are shivering,” Mark patted his thigh and he suddenly jerked. “Sorry.” Jackson turned back to locate the hoodie and the moment he found it, he hastily took off his t-shirt and vest and threw it over his feet haphazardly. He put on the hoodie and sighed contentedly, completely missing the blown look on Mark’s face. Mark shook his head to get rid of the images he has just witnessed but Jackson’s wet torso and tousled hair, water dripping on his shoulders and down his neck was too hard for him to forget. Oh God, what a torture. Looking at Jackson wearing his hoodie, it was the most endearing but extremely sexy sight. It was too big for Mark, so it was even bigger for Jackson. His collar bone peaked out and Mark could clearly see the hickey he had left there yesterday. He was shivering from head to toe but a sudden warmth started to pool in his stomach.

Jackson could smell the hoodie when he wore it. It was Mark, the essence that only belonged to the elder and the feeling of wearing something that belonged to him gave Jackson goose bumps. Somehow it felt like he was hugging Mark and Mark’s fragrance was rubbing off on him.

“Are you okay?” Jackson asked softly and he nodded, clearing his throat. “What happened hyung? You look…umm…flushed.” He dared to rub Mark’s arm lightly because he was sure the elder was cold. “Umm…you…just now…you…” It was hard to speak properly while he was driving through the rains, shivering and feeling a bit aroused. “You need to call home,” Mark changed the topic half way because no matter how much he liked the idea of doing really dirty things to Jackson, this moment was too precious for him to go down that road just yet. “I think my phone is dead. Is yours working?” Mark nodded as he handed him a spare car phone. “My mom asks me to keep one in here, just in case,” he explained and Jackson nodded. “Mummy it’s me. Sorry. Wait, can you stop?” Jackson’s mother was worried and panicking because she couldn’t reach his phone. “My phone got drenched. I will be home soon. I am with…” he looked at Mark and blushed, immediately looking away. “Mark hyung…he will drop me home soon. Yes, his place, oh God, no, what are you even saying…he has some work, he will drop me once done,” he had switched to Mandarin as if Mark wouldn’t understand. Mark couldn’t help but smile at how Jackson had spoken to his mother. So cute.

“You told her I was taking you to my place?” he asked in fluent Mandarin and swore he saw Jackson’s eyes pop out and jaw drop. “Ge speaks Mandarin?” he asked back dumbly, also in Mandarin and felt himself blush even more. “Why won’t I? It’s my mother tongue,” he laughed and Jackson hid his face. “What happened?” “So that day, you understood everything I said. I am sorry. I was angry,” he switched to English and looked at Mark with puppy eyes. Mark wanted to jump Jackson right then and there. “It is okay.” His wide smile made the younger relax.

“Do you live far?” Jackson had never even thought he would be seeing Mark’s house so fast. “Not really but the traffic can be a bitch sometimes.” They had arrived at an intersection and though Mark lived exactly in the opposite direction of his place, Jackson felt like he was going to a place he could belong to. The thought was super scary but he couldn’t control himself. Mark was with him, taking care of him. Worrying about him and his parents through such simple actions, letting him borrow his hoodie even when he himself was shivering. Jackson felt guilty about not being able to offer Mark anything so when they waited at the light, he grabbed Mark’s palm and started rubbing it and blowing lightly on it. His tinted cheeks were even redder when Mark tried to look at his face properly. Mark had been so dazed by the turn of events that he was startled when his car’s heater finally kicked in full force. He wanted to groan at the situation because Jackson was being oh-so-cute rubbing his palm to make him feel warm. The light turned green and Mark had to anyway put his hand back on the steering wheel. “Thanks, baby. I hope the heater will warm you up.” Jackson smiled and nodded, still avoiding eye contact.

Mark’s house was even bigger than Jackson’s three houses combined. It wasn’t very flashy but sprawled on a huge area, surrounded by smaller buildings and a garage. “I am sorry my house is messy, the housekeeper is on leave. My parents are away and the boys always make a mess when they crash here. But I think the outhouse must be good enough,” he parked into the garage after the huge gates let them in. Mark got down quickly and rushed towards his door to open it and Jackson just giggled. “Eww. I can open my own door, thanks,” he mocked and Mark just rolled his eyes. “I wanted to do this at least once, okay?” he admitted lamely but he was pleased looking at the tint still decorating Jackson’s cheeks.

He grabbed the younger’s hand and they made a run for it. The outhouse was huge and if this was the outhouse then how huge was his actual house? Jackson felt a little overwhelmed by all the grandeur that he was seeing. Mark was so simple in so many ways. Well, he had an expensive car and wore expensive clothes but he was really modest otherwise, or at least that is what Jackson wanted to believe. “You okay?” He was brought out of his thoughts as Mark unlocked the outhouse. “Yeah. This is…wow. You are loaded,” he blurted before he could control himself. He slapped his palm on his mouth but Mark had heard him. “Not me, but my parents, yeah,” he smiled warmly and Jackson felt his heart beat increase because he was stepping into an enclosed space with Mark, with no one around to monitor them.

“I will be right back, sorry,” he rushed towards what Jackson figured was the bathroom. He giggled at how cute Mark was. The house didn’t looked occupied. May be it was like a guest house of sorts. There were no family pictures or memorabilia to look at but the house in itself was cozy and well designed. The walls were painted in warm colors and though the furniture was on the minimum side, Jackson loved the simplicity of it all. Mark returned and cleared his throat. “Umm…I have some spare clothes here, any preference?” “Just give me a pair of pants and a towel? I am dripping on your carpet,” he scratched the back of his neck. “Oh, sure. You can borrow that hoodie, it looks good on you.” He smiled softly as he rummaged through a closet to find a pair of pants that Jackson could use. “You too get changed hyung, God, you are shivering.” Mark nodded absently and grabbed the first pair of sweats and a t-shirt that he saw and handed them to Jackson. “You go first. I will make us something to drink. What do you like?” “Tea would be good. Do you have organic?” Mark nodded and Jackson took it as his cue to leave. He threw his wet shirt away and wandered into the kitchen wearing a threadbare t-shirt. He found organic tea bags stalked in the kitchen neatly and sighed in relief. His mind was continuously wandering towards Jackson, who was not more than a few feet away from him, changing, wet and soft. He was never a strong willed person when it came to his desires and Jackson irked all his dirty fantasies by just being Jackson.

Jackson came out looking even softer and touchable than what Mark had imagined. Mark’s clothes on Jackson’s body was a sight he wanted to look at for the rest of his life, if permitted. He scolded himself for thinking in such a dangerous direction but he had no control over how he felt when he saw Jackson looking like that. His hair was now towelled dry, the sweats barely staying on his waist because they were a bit loose for him. The zipper of the hoodie wasn’t closed all the way and Jackson’s pale skin nicely contrasted with its electric blue fabric. He was barefoot, his little pink toes were sliding against the floor like a child’s. On one hand he wanted to cuddle him, hug him close and shower him with all the affection he could ever feel in his heart and on the other hand…God, he wanted to tear the clothes off him and ram into him repeatedly until he cried his name. He wanted to push him against the wall and take him so hard that he wouldn’t be able to stand for a while. His breath hitched as the visuals started clouding his brain. He closed his eyes and tried to control himself but Jackson was right there looking like a million bucks in a stupid hoodie and loose sweats and he felt his resolve crumble.

“I took a quick shower, hope you don’t mind.” Was Jackson gone that long? Mark scratched the back of his neck confused. “Hyung?” Mark was staring at him open mouthed and finally Jackson just couldn’t bear it so he waved his hand in front of Mark’s face. “Earth to Mark hyung” he poked the elder’s cheek and that’s when Mark came out of his trance like state. “Jeez, what happened? You spaced out,” Jackson held him by the shoulders lightly and looked at him with those big puppy eyes and Mark literally cried inside. “Are you okay? Are you catching a cold?” he asked worried and quickly started fussing over him like two days ago he wasn’t hating on Mark. “You don’t have a fever but you look cold. Grab something warmer to wear, I will make tea, okay? Move.” He pushed Mark away and he didn’t protest because whoa this Jackson looked dead serious. “Just take a hot shower, hyung.” He yelled and Mark suddenly thought he could get used to this, this pretty pink flowery, soft, cottony feeling of having Jackson this close to him all the time.

A quick hot shower later, Mark felt brand new and came out with just a towel wrapped around his waist, because why not! It was so cliché, him going into the bathroom lost in thoughts about Jackson, forgetting to take his clothes, him coming out of the bathroom wearing just a towel, eww he wanted to throw up at the cringe factor. The faint smell of tea greeted him and he made his way towards the small kitchen because he didn’t want to miss seeing Jackson sipping tea off in his house or looking soft and cuddly in his clothes.

If Mark in expensive, well fit clothes was a drool worthy sight then what was Mark with just a towel wrapped around his waist? A weapon to kill? Jackson almost dropped the cup he was holding as Mark walked in, careless, nonchalant, in the usual Mark way and sat down at the table. Oh my God, the shoulders, arms, flawless skin, the face, his wet hair and his lips lightly touching the cup. Wow, Jackson was ready to die. He gulped down hot tea and tried really hard to not look at Mark’s half naked body which was promising a treat. “Nice tea. I never drank it before no matter how much my mom insisted. I am not a very tea person. I like Americano.” Mark looked at him and Jackson really wanted to hide his red face. Mark faltered for a bit thinking he had been too forward and immediately got up to put on something. Sensing that Mark had realized his discomfort, Jackson blushed even more but boldly followed the elder. “Umm…” Mark stilled and it took him a moment to collect himself and put on a damn shirt. “Uhoh, go wear stuff, I will wait…” Jackson muttered and turned away.

When Mark got back to the kitchen, dressed fully from head to toe, Jackson felt disappointed but finally his heart was beating normally. “So…” Jackson began as Mark sat down to drink the lukewarm tea. “You want me to make another cup?” Mark shook his head and just gulped down the rest. “You were saying…” “Umm…yeah…so…it was nice. I…it was nice and I want to do it again sometime…” he was already red and just couldn’t look at Mark. “What?” Mark didn’t understand what he wanted to imply. “Umm…you know…before we got into the car…” Mark’s gut twisted at the words and he bit his lip because wow, Jackson was talking about the kiss and saying that he wanted to do it again. Ok, Mark was sure his face had heated up, no not because he was shy but because wow, he felt so happy and he wanted to laugh or smile hard but he didn’t want to appear that desperate or scare Jackson away. So he was holding it in and now his face was hot. Oh my God, could this day get any better, he thought and cleared his throat. “Oh. Yes, it was ugh…nice. I hope you…didn’t feel weirded out or scared. I just…it was hard not to kiss you Jackson,” Mark’s voice trembled a bit. Jackson closed his eyes at the statement and took a deep breath. “It was…amazing. I liked it, hyung.”

Mark was triggered, so bad. He got up and rushed to Jackson, who squeaked and got up. “So, let’s do it again?” Mark whispered, an energy surging through his body at how Jackson’s eyes were shining, his cheeks a rosy red, breathing a bit shaky and a gulp that was hard to miss. Jackson stared at Mark and since Mark wasn’t used to such a close scrutiny, he felt a chill down his spine. Then Jackson looked around, he didn’t even know why he bothered. There was nobody in the house except him and Mark. He took a step closer to the elder and saw his breath hitch. “Did you space out because of me hyung? Because of how I look in your clothes?” Mark’s breath got caught at the question and Jackson was inching closer and closer.

“Do you like looking at me in your clothes?” his voice had changed from a shy delicate one to a teasing, powerful one and Mark felt his blood rush south. “You asked me to not wear clothes in front of you…what about you? Why are you wearing clothes?” Jackson breathed on Mark’s neck, hot and heavy and cupped his face. Jackson planted a small kiss on his chin and Mark grabbed his waist tight. “You like looking at me, don’t you? You just love it hyung…” he kissed his cheek, moving his lips against Mark’s soft skin. “But what about me? Do you know what YOU do to ME?” he roamed his lips on Mark’s face, touching all of his glorious handsomeness with them. He had his fingers in Mark’s hair and angled his face to plant kisses on his neck. Mark was whimpering at his touch, breathing too ragged and voice too small. “Who gives you the permission to be so rude hyung?” he continued kissing every part of Mark’s long neck leisurely and the little moans that escaped Mark’s lips were delightful. “You tell me, is this all mine?” he roamed his palm on Mark’s chest and abs. “These shoulders, arms, these abs…and everything below them…is this all mine?” Mark pulled him closer and nuzzled in his hair. “Yes, everything is yours baby. Whatever you want,” Mark kissed his head and looked at him fondly. Jackson was way beyond fond so he tugged the elder closer and kissed him hard.

This kiss was different, it was desperate and hungry. It wasn’t sweet, it was harsh and pleading. Jackson was more than responsive because well he was turned on. A shirtless Mark could do that to anybody and the complete privacy of the space had pushed the right buttons for his otherwise reserved nature. Mark had pulled him impossibly closer and his tongue danced inside Jackson’s mouth, so strong yet apprehensive but Jackson had his arms around his neck so he just went all in. He threaded his fingers through the younger’s hair which were slightly wet but still soft to the touch. If someone saw them in that moment, it would appear like Mark was eating up Jackson’s face. When they separated for air, their foreheads were touching and their breathing was laboured. The slight shine on Jackson’s lips, plump and almost swollen because of Mark’s assault triggered Mark even more.

Mark bunched the hoodie and kissed Jackson’s cheek. He darted his tongue out and dipped it into Jackson’s ear. The younger shivered and held him tighter. “Jackson…” he whispered and the boy literally whimpered. “I really don’t want you to wear clothes in front of me.” He bit his earlobe and licked it while playing with the hair at the base of his nape. “Take them off…” he put his hand under the boy’s hoodie and felt him tense. The soft skin of Jackson’s back aroused him to the point that he grabbed him by the ass, hauled him up and got the younger to wrap his legs around his waist. Jackson moaned at that, his lips finding Mark’s immediately and restarting from where they had left off. When Mark started walking towards what Jackson thought was the bedroom, he stilled and broke the kiss. He looked at Mark like a deer caught in headlights. Mark’s pupils were blown and from the hardness that he felt against his own, he knew they were heading towards a dangerous territory from where there was no coming back.

“What is it?” Mark stopped midway looking at the younger’s scared expression. The boy just peppered his face with kisses and whimpered. “Jackson?” he moved again and the younger just closed his eyes at the friction. “Aaaah…hyung…” he nuzzled into his neck and breathed heavily. “Yes baby,” “I am scared.” Mark stopped again and his eyes softened. “Oh. I am sorry,” he started to put Jackson down but the younger didn’t let him, tightening his arms and legs around him. “Don’t.” It was just a whisper but Mark heard and he held the boy in place. “Why sorry hyung? I don’t want you to be sorry,” he planted a kiss on his temple and hugged him. “It’s just…I don’t know…” he gulped. “Is this too fast for you? I can understand that Jackson. Don’t worry,” Mark patted his back affectionately. “As much as I want to take you to bed and wreck you right now, I care too much to do it when you are not ready.” Jackson had tensed in his arms at his words.

“You don’t know how I feel right now,” he moved a bit and Jackson moaned. “You are doing this to me,” he had his hand inside his hoodie and caressed his back again. “How many wet dreams have I had about you ever since I saw you play basketball that day, covered in sweat, clothes sticking to your beautiful body…aaahhh,” he involuntarily jerked his hips and they both moaned. He almost lost his balance and suddenly he was resting Jackson against a wall while still holding him in his arms. It made the contact even more pronounced thanks to the pressure and the whimper that left Jackson’s mouth made him really impatient.

“Hyung…” he had again nuzzled into his neck and Mark could feel how he was hard beyond measure too. “Hmm?” he relished having Jackson so close to him, in his arms, smelling of his shower gel and wearing his clothes. Really, he could get used to this. “Would you hate me if…if we don’t…?” he held on to him tighter as if Mark would let him go any second. “What? No! Are you crazy? I could never do that to you. I…” Mark stopped himself from saying the words at the tip of his tongue because he wasn’t sure how Jackson would react. “You what?” Jackson was too perceptive because Mark had closed his eyes as if holding himself back. Was he about to say what Jackson thought he was about to say? The mere possibility set him off and he was again grabbing Mark by his hair and kissing him hard. Mark was pushing back hard and Jackson landed on his feet because Mark couldn’t hold him anymore. Mark had him caged and the kiss was brutal if anything. “Shit.” Mark heaved and looked at Jackson. He grabbed the hem of the hoodie and tugged at it impatiently, unsure how Jackson would react if he just peeled it off.

By this time, Jackson had almost forgotten how to breathe properly because wow. First time didn’t make him feel as nervous as he thought he would be. Mark looked wrecked and his eyes looked like he wanted to devour Jackson and split him into two. Who was he kidding? Mark looked like a hot dream with his tousled red hair, swollen lips and eyes raking over his body like he was a predator. He was caged against the wall and Mark’s breath tickled his neck. The tug on the hoodie made him shiver and he looked right into Mark’s eyes and parted his lips. “Jackson…” the way he said his name made Jackson feel dizzy and before he knew it, he was pushing Mark around and pinning him to the wall. He peeled off Mark’s shirt in one swift motion and was mouthing his neck so fast that Mark almost came just at being treated like that. “Whh..at…?” he couldn’t keep his surprise to himself when Jackson licked his collar bone. “You are not the only one…to feel…” he bit him hard right then and there and heard Mark moan loudly. “out of control.” “Do you look…” he licked his path towards the mole on his chest. “at yourself in the mirror? You are so fucking hot hyung,” he held the skin in between his teeth and grabbed Mark by the waist. “You are so rude, walking around…with a towel…what the fuck hyung…” Jackson mouthed at his nub and Mark shuddered. He threaded his fingers in his hair. Jackson flicked it with his tongue, patted his abs and pinched his stomach.

“You can’t be rude hyung…” he planted a kiss on his stomach and mouthed at his happy trail and Mark wasn’t sure where this was going. “Jackson…” “Shhhh!” Jackson had his fingers in the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down in one go. He already knew Mark was going commando because he didn’t have many clothes here. And wasn’t he too just wearing the sweats because his boxers were too wet? Still, the view just gave him a small heart attack. Mark was huge and hard, curving slightly towards his stomach. “Is this because of me?” Jackson was on his knees by this point and staring up at Mark from under his eyelashes. Mark’s hardness was right in front of his face. Mark nodded, flushed at being exposed like that, embarrassed that Jackson was so close to his dick which was leaking by this point, beads rolling down sensuously towards the base. “Jackson you…don’t have to…” “Don’t have to what? Do this?” he touched Mark’s tip with his tongue and the elder jerked. “Jackson…I…” “I am listening,” he kissed his head sloppily and grimaced at the taste but licked his lips looking at it again. “You are seriously…?” “You are not completing any of your sentences,” he kissed his length to his base and dragged his tongue towards the tip again. “I want to fuck you, you are driving me crazy.” Mark muttered, grabbed his hair and shoved his throbbing dick into Jackson’s surprised mouth.

Jackson gagged for a second but adjusted immediately to the feeling of having something huge in his mouth and almost hitting the back of his throat. He hummed at the taste of Mark’s pre-cum and hollowed his cheeks because yeah he had seen a lot of porn and knew how a good head could be given. Mark moaned so loud that Jackson felt his own dick throb. “Your mouth is so warm, I love it,” Mark thrust into his mouth slowly. “Wowwww…” he started thrusting harder, he tugged at Jackson’s hair even harder and a few stray tears escaped the younger’s eyes. Mark threw his head back, mouth open and eyes closed, throat dry and body convulsing with the pleasure he was experiencing. He was sure he wasn’t going to last long because this was everything he thought it would be. “Jackson…fuck!” he thrusted faster and Jackson took him like a champ, gagging but not giving up. “I want to fuck you baby, I want to fuck you so hard. I wanna tie you up and ram into you so fa….st….aaahhhh…I want you so bad baby…I want you Ja…ugggghhhh,” Jackson grabbed his hips tightly to keep him in place, stopping his thrusts effectively. He started bobbing his head fast on Mark’s dick, actually surprised at himself because he never in his life thought he would be giving head to someone. He was enjoying it, the taste of Mark’s juices in his mouth, his skin, the stretch of his dick against his tongue. It was so hot.

He moved his hands up to touch Mark’s abs and pull Mark lower to which Mark complied like a doll. He pinched his nubs hard and Mark groaned at the sensation. He felt Mark’s dick pulse in his mouth and he loved it. “Jackson…fuck…I can’t…” Mark started to push him away but Jackson stayed, bobbing his head even faster. “Teeettthhhh….aaaahhhhh” Mark yelled and tugged at his hair harshly. Jackson slowed down a little and looked at him apologetically. He didn’t stop sucking on Mark as if he was a lollipop and made noises that were driving Mark crazy. “Yess…oh God, yes…Jack…aaah…I am gonna…fuck…” Mark was groaning so loudly and shooting his load into Jackson’s warm mouth, squirming in his place, shuddering head to toe, feeling blissed out beyond measure, seeing stars and Jackson’s full lips dripping his cum.  

He slumped down, his legs giving up and was at eye level with the boy who had brought him such intense pleasure. Jackson looked sinful…his chin was wet with Mark’s cum, dripping down slowly. His eyes were closed, face red, hair wet with sweat and his tugging had resulted in messing it up. He was still on his knees, breathing ragged and slowly swallowing up his load. “Fuck!” Mark pushed him flat on his back and hovered over him, making him open his eyes. The smile that he got from Jackson left him breathless. “Let me take care of you?” he bent down and kissed his forehead. “Umm…” his voice was hoarse to the point that it gave Mark a new high. “I…you don’t-” Mark was already pulling his hoodie up and planting sloppy kisses on his torso. “Hyung…umm…I already…” Mark looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. He looked away, hiding his face under his arms, unable to meet Mark’s eyes. “Hey…look at me…” Mark snickered feeling absolutely ridiculous as he moved around naked. He grabbed his sweats and pulled them on but Jackson still wasn’t ready to look at him. “Jackson, look at me,” he called softly. “Baby, please,” he hovered over him again and moved his arms away.

When he finally looked at Mark, he looked vulnerable and shy. “Are you okay?” he pulled down the hoodie and ran his fingers through Jackson’s locks. Jackson smiled weakly and nodded. “You didn’t have to do that…I feel…I am sorry, I tried to warn you…” Mark touched his cheek affectionately. Jackson giggled. “You think I can’t handle it?” “No, that’s not what I meant. This is…well, your first time…” “You are delicious.” Jackson pecked his lips and cupped his dick. “Let’s plan that weekend trip now, shall we?”  

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Too bad Mark gets surprises like these out of the blue. If he thinks he is the only one down for the action, he is mistaken. Jackson will counter his kinks with his own. Story coming to an end very soon. Gear up. Thank you for putting through it all because my smut is very lame. Thank you for reading.
> 
> xoxo


	11. Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson sees a different Mark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, sorry for the delay. I was so effed up with work and this story is literally killing me, making me lose my hair! I cannot figure, for the love of God, how this is going to progress. I am trying really hard to maintain consistency of my characters but I do mess up a few times with that. I haven't reread this chapter, I am posting it as it is. Please forgive any grammatical errors or any missed words. Thank you for all the comments asking about an update. You don't know how much I missed updating, writing and brainstorming. Sometimes, I am just a deadbeat who cannot write a good sentence in hours. I will try to update this regularly. 
> 
> xoxo

“Really?” Mark smirked as he pulled him closer by his nape. “You sure you will be able to handle it?” he whispered in his ear.

Jackson snorted and planted a kiss on the elder’s chin. “Bring it on Markie.” The pet name made the elder shoot his eyebrows up but he smiled wide because okay, Jackson was calling him pet names, he was in his house, messed up from head to toe, looking absolute fucking adorbs and literally insinuating dirty plans for the weekend.

“How did I get so lucky?” he pulled the younger even closer and kissed him languidly, who smiled into the kiss as Mark’s lips moved against his.

The rain had long stopped but the darkness and chill remained. “I ruined your sweats,” the younger confessed shyly, abruptly standing up, embarrassment clear on his face. “I will clean them. Can I borrow another pair of pants please?”

The elder snorted and looked at the sweats hanging loosely on Jackson’s waist. “Stay over?” he asked, hugging him close, planting small kisses on his neck. The younger giggled and pushed Mark away.

“No. We will be together for the weekend hyung, so just…” he patted the elder’s shoulder mockingly. “hold on for a bit.” Mark sighed but nodded, pouting like a child and whining at the crook of his neck.

“But…you are so soft. I wanna…” he hugged him tightly and swung him in his arms like a baby. Jackson wrapped his arms around his neck and laughed.

“I promise, we will have a lot of time. Just hold on for one more day,” he threaded his fingers in his hair and hummed. “Now, drop me home? Please?” Mark whined at that.

“Okay. Do you want to grab dinner first?” “Sure. Is this a date?” he giggled. Mark kissed his shoulder and nodded. “I can’t believe that I am going to be in sweats on our first date, eww.” Mark just laughed and pulled him by the wrist.

“Where are you taking me?” Jackson was following Mark like a doll and he soon understood that the elder was taking him to his actual house now. They walked for a while until they reached a huge door which Mark opened with a code. “Hyung…what?” “Shh. I want you to wear something nice. So, just choose,” he led him upstairs and if Jackson thought the outhouse was huge then this was more like a mansion. It had a white and blue theme, everything was matched perfectly. The living area looked messy with beer bottles and fast food bags lying around, some things had spilled on the carpet but Jackson couldn’t observe much because Mark was dragging him up really fast.

“Just give me a pair of pants hyung, I wasn’t complaining. You don’t-” Mark pecked him right away to shut him. “You deserve only the best, baby.” He took him into his walk-in closet and Jackson gawked. The finest of clothes, of every known, expensive brands were neatly lined up inside based on their colours and fabrics. The right side had pants of all kinds, watches, perfumes, ties, shoes, socks rolled up neatly, while the left had hoodies, sweaters, scarves, jackets, hats and accessories. It was all so overwhelming that Jackson had his mouth open for a while. Mark giggled and closed it. “What?” he asked softly and Jackson just clicked his tongue.

“Seriously? Please tell me you aren’t some royal or the son of some super rich CEO or that you have been rich since generations.” Mark laughed loudly and clung to his arm. “No. I am not. My dad has a business in the US which is more than successful and my mom is into real estate so we are sorted out? I mean, they are sorted out.” Jackson gulped and nodded. “So this isn’t the only house you have?” Mark shyly shook his head. “We have a few around the world.” Jackson stared at him in awe. “Wow hyung, talk about being loaded to that extent.”

“I am going to earn my own money. I have all this because I am the only son and I can’t let them not pamper me with such materialistic things.”

“I understand. I also want to do something on my own. My parents are well off too but it’s just that whatever we have is back in Hong Kong. We didn’t invest much here. Dad is still stabilizing his business with his Korean business partner and it hasn’t been long so…” he lightly touched the shirts and wondered how Mark must dress up in here.

“This is nice…” he pulled out a black turtleneck which was so soft to the touch that he felt like hugging it so he did. Mark walked towards the other side and handed him a pair of black slacks and boxer shorts. “I think these will fit you. They are stretchable, they will hug your body just right, baby,” Mark winked and got hit on his chest. “Again all black huh?” “Black is your colour. In fact you look perfect in anything and everything you wear.” Jackson argued saying he looked like a hobo in the loose pants and baggy t-shirts that he wore to college but Mark just shook his head. “I am telling you, you should look at yourself in the mirror. You are so hot. I don’t know how people get work done around you.” “If we keep doing this, we are never going to make it.” “But we get reservations with just a phone call so even if we get there by midnight, they will still serve us,” he whispered and started mouthing Jackson’s neck.

“Shi, stop.” Jackson pushed him and ran outside giggling. “I will get changed, you should too.” He opened the door to what he thought led to a bathroom and he was lucky. It was more like a huge room with all dream fittings and a Jacuzzi. He quickly changed and set his hair right. He looked like a mess really but he didn’t mind one bit. The memory of the events of the afternoon made him blush furiously and it was a blessing that the turtleneck covered the hickey that Mark had left.

“I am waiting for you,” Mark yelled, knocking the door impatiently. Jackson ran out, bunching the discarded clothes in his hands. “Oh God!” Mark gawked. “What?” Jackson looked at him confused. “Stay over, please. I cannot…oh God. Jackson, why are you like this?” Mark whined as he held his wrist tightly, throwing away the clothes in his hands and holding him close. “Hyung, stop this, we are getting late. I told you we are going to spend two days together. Come on,” he patted Mark’s back affectionately. “You look so hot in my clothes, how do you look so good all the time? It’s unfair.” Jackson clicked his tongue and guided him outside. “You are mad,” he giggled and they finally got out of the house.

To say it was difficult for Mark to drive was an understatement. Jackson kept on stroking his thigh and the way he was looking in his clothes was absolutely driving Mark crazy. At the stoplight, Mark pulled him by his nape and kissed him the people behind them started honking. “I cannot wait for us to drive to my farmhouse. Really, you are making me go crazy.”

The dinner date was fun, full of flirtatious remarks from Mark and Jackson couldn’t help blushing every five minutes as the elder’s toe traveled up his ankle, giggles leaving his lips every now and then. Everything was perfect.

A quick parting kiss later, Jackson walked home, his wet clothes and Mark’s spoiled sweats bunched in a small bag together. Nervousness set into him the moment he entered the house. He knew he was going to get grilled and he took long breaths to calm his heart down.

“You look awfully nice. I thought you were drenched wet?” his mother looked at him and smirked.

“Uh, I was. I borrowed clothes from hyung because mine were too wet.” Jackson was a mumbling mess, cheeks turning redder by the moment as his mother scrutinized him.

“What a kind hyung! You should invite him home sometime. I would really like to meet him.” Jackson nodded absently and quickly climbed up the stairs to his room, holding the bag close.

“Oh mummy?” he halted. “I am going to be out this weekend so you can invite your friends after all. And, I need a new phone? The rain ruined mine.” His mother smiled and nodded and he thanked the gods that she did not pester him about where he was going to be.

**

Mark was in a blissful state to the point that it made Jaebum worry. In such a state, if even one thing changed, Mark was definitely going to lose it. The doctor had told him that extreme mood changes could happen if he went through any emotional upheaval. So far he had shown all the signs of IED and even if it was a terrible thing to deal with, he was glad that they at least knew what they could be dealing with.  

The only way to ensure that nothing bad happened was to fill Jackson in about Mark’s treatment, his issues and entrust him with the responsibility of taking care of him. Jaebum wasn’t sure Jackson’s capability to do it like he did for all these years when Mark’s parents were busy earning millions, but he had no choice. He comforted himself by thinking he was going to be around if anything bad happened, to pick Mark up if he fell.

Now, he didn’t come to college with Mark so suddenly he didn’t know where the elder was, even when their class was about to start. He lingered in the corridor, looking down at the parking lot, wishing Mark got there sooner. Was he bunking because they hardly had any classes today? That wasn’t like Mark but, well, ever since Jackson had come into his life, he wasn’t like the Mark he knew. He grimaced thinking about how much he had changed. He didn’t blame him, love could do that to anyone and he knew he himself had changed when he had met Maya. The transition had been difficult.

Mark had even more episodes after seeing him with Maya so he used to meet her secretly. He had done it for months till he started finally accepting that they were together. It broke his heart to see him so raw and vulnerable. It had made him paranoid and he had almost stopped dating because he was always on his mind but Maya had been through with it without any complains.

When he saw Mark and Jackson get off from the car he sighed out of relief. So Jackson was here to stay and it made him glad every time he saw them together.

It was a Friday so not much was going to happen, the weekend vibe already setting in and the boys upbeat about spending their time at either Jaebum’s or Mark’s place. As they walked towards the cafeteria, Jaebum saw that Mark wasn’t really attentive.

“Hey, you okay?” he nudged the elder lightly. Mark whipped his head towards Jaebum and nodded. “Guys, listen, we can’t plan stuff at my place this weekend.” Mark’s statement made almost everyone stop in their tracks. Weekends at Mark’s mansion were a thing. His parents were hardly ever around and his huge estate had become their bachelor pad without any opposition from the guy.

“Why?” Wonho whined and Brian snorted. “He must have plans with his boyfriend,” Brian air quoted the ‘boyfriend’ part and Mark smirked. “Yeah. I am not going to be in town, so, sorry guys. Guess, you can go dirty Jaebum’s house for a change,” he laughed, putting his arm around Jaebum. It effectively made the younger sigh out of disappointment.

“These fuckers,” he clicked his tongue and they all headed to the cafeteria.

Jackson still had class and plans to sit back and do some assignments with Jinyoung so Mark didn’t look for him. They were directly going to meet tomorrow, early in the morning and head to the farm house.

M: I miss you.

Mark quickly sent a text to Jackson before having lunch leisurely with his group and heading to the last class of the day.

**

Jackson had replied with kissy emojis and Mark being new to everything had just laughed. He and Jaebum walked to the parking lot and Jaebum got in his car as if out of habit. He immediately got down when he realized what he had done but Mark pushed him back in.

“He has class and assignments to take care of. You need to come with me to shop.” Jaebum looked at him confused.

“I am taking him to my farmhouse. I need to buy things…” he scratched the back of his head shyly and Jaebum snorted.

“You want me to accompany you to buy ‘things’? Yi En, what the hell are you planning?” Jaebum tried really hard to not react, not let his worry show at how fast Mark was taking everything. After all, it was his life. He tried his best to appear supportive but there was already a pit in his stomach.

“Eww, no. I just want to buy him something special…I don’t know…I mean…he is trusting me and coming with me…so I just want to let him know that I am grateful.”

Jaebum’s heart softened at that. Mark was really so thoughtful, he was trying to make everything special. He really deserved the happiness he was experiencing. He felt sad that he was never the one to make Mark happy like this.

“Aww Yi En, so cuteee,” he cooed as he tried to pull Mark’s cheek and got pushed in retaliation.

“Eww, don’t do that! I also need to buy some new clothes and stuff, let’s go before it gets late.”

**

Two hours and Mark still hadn’t found anything special for Jackson. Jaebum was already losing his patience walking in circles around the mall holding Mark’s shopping bags. Mark never went shopping unless it was absolutely necessary, the guy had everything delivered at his doorstep so this was new to Jaebum. The most they went out was for food, it was all they cared about. Together, they had dined at the most expensive and the cheapest places that served food.

“I am boredddd and hungryyyy. Just fucking buy something and let’s goooo,” Jaebum tugged at his arm but Mark appeased him by pouting at him.

“You are not helping one bit,” he complained and suddenly Jaebum felt guilty. “How about you buy him a camera? An instant camera may be?” Jaebum wasn’t sure why he had thought Jackson could like a camera but the smile on Mark’s face was reassuring.

“Thanks! That’s an amazing idea. We could take pictures together there and I could make an album or something, wow,” he hugged the boy in excitement as he pulled him away to find a shop.

Jaebum pushed the idea of talking to Mark about telling Jackson regarding his treatment because he didn’t want to spoil his mood. Worry was gnawing his heart even more.

“Please show me the best instant camera there is and pack two to three boxes of film for me,” Mark talked happily and Jaebum just closed his eyes.

**

“Go ahead, I will get this and meet you in the parking lot,” Jaebum urged him to go because the food was taking longer than expected. Mark looked tired and sick of standing in the line so he nodded. He held the gift wrapped camera close to his chest as he walked to the elevator. Jaebum saw his retreating form and felt his heart weaken. He prayed to the universe for his friend’s lasting happiness more than anything else.

Mark was happy, he truly was. He was sure Jackson was going to love his surprise gift so much. He was looking forward to the next day even more now. He had a smile stuck to his face, people looked at him funny but he didn’t care. He was truly so happy, he couldn’t even remember the last time he had been this happy.

He reached the parking lot, swinging his shopping bags happily until he immediately stopped. He felt his heart rate pick up, body heat up and brain go haywire with the sight in front of him.

Jackson was resting on the window of a car and talking to a girl, a small smile plastered over his face. The girl was saying something to him and he was nodding. And before he knew it, the girl pecked his lips and Jackson straightened. She waved at him and drove off, leaving Jackson standing there perplexed.  

Mark dropped his shopping bags and the box and felt his body tense immediately. What the hell! Why was Jackson here? Didn’t he say he had to complete his assignments? Did he lie to him? Who was the girl and why had she kissed him? Why had Jackson let someone else kiss him? Anger took over Mark so fast that he didn’t know what he was doing. He ran towards Jackson, who suddenly turned to look in his direction and yelped.

“Hyung…” was all he could utter before Mark yanked him by the wrist and pulled him towards his car. “Hyung…what-” Jackson tried to pull free but the elder’s grip was too tight, almost bruising.

“SHUT UP! You lied to me, you fucking lied to me! Get in and don’t say a single word, understood?” he yelled and Jackson cowered. He wanted to desperately tell Mark that he was here to tell the girl he was not interested in her because she had been pursuing him since long and it was honestly getting irritating. But Mark didn’t look like he was in the mood to listen. He was hastily pushed into the car and they drove off fast, the tires making a god awful noise as they brushed against the concrete mercilessly.

“Hyung slow down…” Jackson was breathing heavily but he didn’t have the courage to speak loudly, not when Mark looked so mad. He suddenly remembered the time when Mark had choked him because he had been pushed too far. Was something like that going to happen again? Shit. No, but Mark wouldn’t harm him now, would he? They were dating after all. May be he could explain everything to him once they got down, once Mark stopped driving like a maniac. It was a miracle that they didn’t get any red lights or Mark sure would have broken traffic rules, the way he was driving.

Mark didn’t respond but Jackson could clearly see his knuckles turning white with how tightly he was holding the steering. It scared the shit out of him to see Mark that pissed and to be the reason of his anger. He just needed to talk to Mark for a minute and tell him it was all a misunderstanding. Bloody hell, why had he chosen to see that girl there? Why such a stupid coincidence?

Mark hastily opened the gate of his house and threw the remote away. He drove in, not really caring about how fast he was driving even inside his property. Luckily, he had left the garage door open so the car came to a halt inside, the tires again making a squeaky noise, making Jackson’s ears hurt. Mark got out of the car and banged the door shut so hard that Jackson thought it would have gotten damaged. He readied himself to be yanked out of the car but Mark just opened his door and stood waiting for him to step out.

“Hyung, please, let me explain,” Jackson trembled as he saw how red Mark had turned. The moment his words left his mouth, Mark landed a punch in the wall, blood oozed out his knuckles so fast that Jackson yelped and rushed towards him.

“HOW COULD YOU!” Mark yelled and tears streamed down his eyes. Jackson stood stunned because he didn’t know what was happening. Why was Mark going this far? Why was he turning violent instead of having a conversation with him? Why did he suddenly feel like he was the grown up of the two? He frowned.

“Can you let me explain?” Jackson asked softly but Mark was far gone. He grabbed the front of Jackson’s shirt and pushed him hard against the wall. The impact made him groan with pain. Mark’s fingers rubbed at his lips harshly enough to hurt. The younger grabbed his wrist to make him stop.

“What are you doing?” Jackson asked, exasperated but frightened at the same time. This was so weird, why was Mark behaving like this?

“Someone else kissed you, I don’t like it one bit,” Mark could hardly utter the words with how much he was shaking. “WHY DID YOU LET HER KISS YOU, JACKSON? WHAT THE HELL!” Mark launched himself on Jackson so his chest was flush against Jackson’s.

Jackson groaned with pain because his back hurt even more now. “WHO WAS SHE? DID YOU LIE TO ME TO SEE HER?” Mark grabbed his collar tightly and spat out the words angrily. It was making Jackson’s knees buckle. Nobody in his life had ever treated him like this. Was this the Mark he thought he had started to like? He seemed like a lunatic and all Jackson wanted to do was run away from there. The thought made him look into Mark’s eyes and surprisingly he saw vulnerability and fear in them. He was crying, whether the tears were from anger or hurt, he couldn’t tell. It made Jackson cry because he didn’t know what to do.

“I didn’t,” he whimpered as Mark looked at him crying. “She…is nobody to me.” Jackson finished but Mark only tightened his grip on his collar. He swung him around and pushed him against the car.

“You were smiling at her,” Mark seethed and Jackson closed his eyes because he couldn’t deny it. He had had a good talk with her and she said she understood. They had parted on good terms and in general Jackson was a very polite man. What was he supposed to say?

Mark manhandled him so that his cheek was squished on the bonnet of the car. He had a strong hold in his hair, making Jackson whimper painfully.

“Hyung…please stop.” Jackson pleaded because now he was seriously scared. Mark didn’t look like he was in his right mind, they were alone and Jackson was not in a very good position at that moment.

Mark pushed himself on Jackson so he was lying on his lower half, his head cushioned on his back. He hugged his stomach, still shaking violently as he mouthed Jackson’s back. The younger could feel the elder’s hips erratically rocking against his and he closed his eyes tight. “Please don’t…” he whimpered as Mark pulled his shirt up to reveal his back. “HYUNG…What are you doing?” Jackson yelled but Mark just exerted all his weight on the younger.

His hand roamed on Jackson’s torso roughly before finding his belt. His other hand went on to twist Jackson’s arm painfully so that he stopped fidgeting. Fighting Mark was difficult as he was really strong and pinning him on the car, giving him no means to move anything but his only hand which he banged against the bonnet to make Mark stop. Face down, he wasn’t able to do anything when Mark spread his legs and unbuckled his belt.

“NO! Hyung, what are you doing? Mark hyung, what are you doing? Let me go, it hurts.”

He felt his pants being pulled down roughly but before it went any further, the pressure was gone. Jackson turned around fast and caught Jaebum pulling Mark away from him with full force and ramming into the utility closet right behind. Jaebum yelped at the impact but held onto Mark tight, signaling Jackson to run away. Jackson pulled his pants up and finally his knees buckled. He fell down to the ground and his head hit the car with a dull thud. He had no strength to get up so he heaved, fear taking over all his senses.

Jaebum shoved Mark against the wall and gave him a tight slap. “Snap out of it Yi En.” But Mark was in no mood to get out of his madness. He yanked Jaebum closer and kissed him, grabbing his collar and pushing him until he hit a wall. He mouthed at his neck hungrily until Jaebum pushed him away.

“Jackson,” Mark muttered and again went on to grab Jaebum. Jackson looked at Mark and then at Jaebum, shock too apparent on his face.  

 “Jackson,” he nuzzled in Jaebum’s neck and again planted kisses on it. He started unbuttoning his shirt and Jaebum closed his eyes.

“Please don’t leave me like Jaebum. Please Jackson,” he continued to unbutton his shirt until Jackson sprung up to his feet and pulled him away.

He turned him around so he could see his face and hugged him tight. “I am here, I am not leaving you. Please, come back to me. Please, what is wrong with you?” Jackson cried loudly, enough to shake Mark right to the toes. He hugged Jackson back and broke down, his body giving up, unable to keep up with his erratic actions. He had passed out for good in Jackson’s arms. 

“Why?” Jaebum asked as he cradled Mark’s head in his lap, his eyes searching for an answer to why he was still there after all that Mark had put him through, just in a few days of dating.

“Why? Because…this is not him. This is…this is…who does he turn into hyung?” Jackson’s tears flowed freely through his eyes and Jaebum felt his own tears prick his eyes.

“A Mark you will never be able to love now.”

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry if this chapter turned you off completely but this was important. Mark has issues which cannot disappear like smoke because now he is in love. I had to make him deal with a first real blow, both him and Jackson. Jaebum is a part of all the mess because he just is. 
> 
> IED mention is borrowed because I like my stories to make sense. Although Mark almost loses his sense of reality due to his temper, I am not sure if it is a right symptom for IED. If any psych majors are reading this, they must be having a real laugh. Honestly, i dig deeper before writing sensitive things like these but I am so short on time and this story just came out of the blue so my prep was 0%. Please forgive me if I have hurt your feelings in any way by mentioning IED. I will not reference it much henceforth, because now the idea is clear. He has temper issues. This will be more dramatic but I am sure Markson shippers will hold on to see the romance, the love and the eventual smut.
> 
> Thanks for reading and enduring my bs.
> 
> xoxo


	12. Push and Pull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackson comes to know a lot of things about Mark and endurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My heart is soft, okay? Sorry but I am just so soft for my characters. Please deal with it.

* * *

 

Jackson closed his eyes as more tears flowed, a sob bubbling up in his chest at Jaebum’s words. He couldn’t come to terms to the level of attachment he felt with Mark but it was definitely more than what he had anticipated. He looked at the elder’s face, it was serene and devoid of any anger. It made his heart clench because Mark hadn’t done anything on purpose. His mind compelled him to react the way he did. He looked at his hurt knuckles and lightly held his palm in his hand. He touched it with his lips as he felt pain surge in his chest. He realized that the insecurity and even the possibility of losing him in anyway had triggered such a big reaction from Mark. The elder was in the deep for him and Jackson didn’t know how to feel about it. One thing he was sure about was that he wasn’t leaving Mark, he wasn’t someone who abandoned people when things became difficult, even if he almost got violated, hit and manhandled. He wasn’t shaking his hands off the elder, he was here to stay through it all.

Jaebum ran his fingers through Mark’s locks and motioned Jackson to pick him up by his feet. He entered the code to the mansion with much difficulty and they escorted him inside. He called up the doctor and told him everything that went down. Luckily, the doctor agreed to drive to them to check up on Mark.

“He will be up in a while, he drained himself in his bout of anger. Jaebum, we will have to start his sessions again,” the doctor said. Jackson listened, concealing himself from view at Jaebum’s instruction.

Jaebum closed his eyes but nodded weakly. “I have given him the necessary dose, he will be okay. You need to bring him over so we can schedule things properly around your exams and everything. Is there something you two haven’t told me? Why was he angry?” the doctor brought out his prescription pad from his bag, waiting for Jaebum to answer.

“Umm…it’s not my thing to tell you doctor. I will bring him to you and maybe he will tell you himself. I assure you, he will not be hiding anything.” Jaebum finished, shoulders tense and body reeking of worry as he stared at Mark’s resting form. Jackson felt his gut twist at how much Jaebum cared for him. He felt like he was intruding onto something he didn’t quite understand. 

“Are his parents not here?” Jaebum tensed further at the question and quickly shook his head. The doctor sighed. “They should be informed Jaebum, I think-” Jaebum shot to his feet immediately and walked around aimlessly. “He doesn’t want to, he wouldn’t even tell-” he looked in Jackson’s direction but held himself from saying more and instead cleared his throat. “I will try and convince him, doctor,” he whispered before sitting at Mark’s feet on the couch.

“He is lucky to have you. I hope he knows that.” The doctor handed him a prescription and got up. “Give him these starting tomorrow. Call me if anything changes. He will be asleep for a while. Feed him food once he gets up and keep him hydrated. Fix up his hand too, here’s something for the bruising.” Jaebum accepted the things and nodded, thanking the doctor repeatedly as he left.

Jaebum crashed to his knees beside the couch, crying silently, sobs rocking his body now and then. Jackson couldn’t hold himself back so he rushed by his side. “Hyung…” he couldn’t bring himself to touch Jaebum but he trembled at seeing someone relatively cold and strong as Jaebum be so vulnerable and hurt. The elder wiped his eyes dry and got up, facing Jackson and clearing his throat.

“I will get the food we had parcelled at the mall. I guess I threw everything on the lawn in a hurry. I have to get all those shopping bags inside too. Wait here with him, okay?” he walked away before Jackson could ask him anything.

Jackson looked at Mark and kneeled by the couch. He was handsome, even with the fading fingerprints on his cheek and an almost bruised lip. Jackson couldn’t hold back from touching his face delicately, roaming his thumb over his cheek bone. He dressed a few wild strands from his forehead and sighed. “If only you would have let me explain…I promise I will never hide anything from you ever again…God, you are so…” Jackson sobbed into Mark’s neck as he clutched onto his shirt tight. “You are scary and stupid…” he continued to clutch onto him tightly until he heard Jaebum come back.

He straightened and turned back to look at the elder, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Do you want me to call you a cab?” Jaebum asked him softly as he set everything on the table. Jackson walked up to him, clenching and unclenching his fists. “No. I am not leaving when he is like this, hyung. I just need to inform my mom.” Jackson fished out his phone before Jaebum could refute. Who was he to refute Mark’s boyfriend from staying over anyway? He looked at Jackson’s back as he talked on the phone and sighed. May be it was not a bad thing. If Mark did wake up and was suddenly reminded of what he had tried to pull with Jackson, he would definitely stress over making things right with the younger. It would again set him into something unwanted and Jaebum couldn’t have that on his watch. It was better to have Jackson right here, he concluded.  

“Should we move him to his bedroom? Also hyung, you hurt your back, didn’t you?” Jackson asked softly as he took the food towards what he assumed was the kitchen. Jaebum silently followed him and started to bring out utensils so Jackson could heat the food. He was hungry and his brain was a fried mess. He needed to eat something or he was going to go mad.

“It’s nothing serious, probably bruised. Nothing to worry about. Let him sleep here, easy for us both to be with him here.” They silently worked together to getting some food in their stomach.

“The doctor left some ointment. I am going to help you put it after we are done eating. Please don’t argue,” Jackson added as he readied a plate for Jaebum. The elder made an inconclusive noise which Jackson considered as an okay.  

They ate fast, both hungry and exhausted, mentally and physically. After they finished every bit of food they had, they relaxed in their chairs, contented.

The silence was chilling but not uncomfortable enough for them to try and break it. After a while, Jackson got up, collected the plates and headed to the sink.

“His maid will do them tomorrow. Don’t bother.” Jackson did them anyway because he needed a distraction. He desperately needed something to hold on to. He didn’t want to think about the things that could have happened if Jaebum wouldn’t have come on time.

“Are you okay?” Jaebum was right beside him, lingering. Jackson turned off the tap and turned to look at him. Their eyes met and Jackson blinked, trying hard to not let any vulnerability show. He gulped and looked away.

“Did he…?” Jaebum lightly held him by his shoulder and asked. Jackson shuddered at the thought of Mark actually violating him in his anger. His whole body shook uncontrollably and he clutched the platform tight to not let his knees buckle.

“Oh God, please tell me he didn’t…” Jaebum’s voice broke and Jackson immediately shook his head vigorously. Jaebum pulled him in for a tight hug, cradling his head under his chin. Jackson immediately wrapped his arms desperately around him, a sob rocking his small form. The elder tightened his hold as Jackson cried against his chest, clinging to the warmth and security the elder’s arms offered.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” Jaebum rubbed his back affectionately and gave him all the time he needed to calm down, not bothering how Jackson’s arms were crushing his back just where it hurt the most.

After a few minutes, Jackson’s hold loosened and Jaebum released him. “Thank you so much for coming after us hyung…I don’t know what I would have done had you not come…thank you so much,” he bowed in front of Jaebum repeatedly and the elder just held him by the arms to make him stop.

“Don’t bow. You are Mark’s boyfriend. It’s my job to take care of you when he is like this. I am sorry I couldn’t talk to you about his issues. It’s just…you two were in this happy place…I couldn’t bring myself to convince him to fill you in…or find you alone and talk to you about it…although doing that without him knowing would have been a problem…” Jaebum stated as he dragged him to sit at the table again.

“I will tell you everything I know. But first, let’s order some food for Mark. He will be up soon and I am sure he will be really hungry when he wakes up. He cries for food like a baby when something like this happens…” Jaebum winced because it was hard to accept in front of Jackson that this had happened more than once.

**

 

Jaebum filled Jackson in about everything he knew. About the time Mark started showing signs of a mood disorder. “He lived alone mostly, people would die for something like that with the kind of money he has. It was all about parties, fucking random girls but eventually when everyone left, he was all alone. He didn’t like to be alone and I couldn’t be with him all the time…” Jaebum hugged his knees close as he thought back to the time.

“Then one day, he told me he wanted me, you know…as his boyfriend but I told him I was straight…which I am…and he couldn’t deal…then there were so many episodes with his parents…it was a nightmare. He slept with every girl in college then, he missed classes, came to me wasted and sick and I had to bring him home.” Jaebum sighed as all those memories rushed back to him.

“He told me I was the first boy he ever liked and that he hated his bisexuality. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight…I had a few failed relationships because I was too worried about him…then I found a girl who decided to stick by me no matter what…I had to meet her secretly. But one day he came to know and he kept on having episodes after that. So I took him to the doctor, much against his will and he almost had an episode right in front of the doctor.” Jaebum’s breath got caught as if he was reliving that moment again. “I saw what my rejection had turned him into…I decided I would just let him have me…whatever…I could deal with it all later…” Jackson felt a pit form in his stomach at the information. Did Mark and Jaebum really…?

“I am sorry, I am sure you don’t want to hear it…” Jaebum gulped and shot Jackson a wary glance. Jackson stared into a random spot without blinking but shook his head.

“I want to know everything, hyung. I am sure he would never tell me everything, fearing I would leave him. Please trust me. I want to be there for him.” Jackson looked at Jaebum and shocked the elder with how genuine he sounded.

“It was when were sophomores…he pulled me out of our get-together and brought me home. I knew it wasn’t going to end well and I already had told my girlfriend about my decision to choose him over everything else. And to my surprise, she understood. I don’t know how I would have remained sane if she wasn’t around at that time…” Jaebum shivered at the memory.

“He cried, he cried a lot that evening, kept on telling me he couldn’t see me with someone else, not even for a second. He kept on trying to tell me that he would keep me happy, would never give me a reason to complain. But I couldn’t be dishonest with him like that…I told him, he could have me however he wanted but I was straight and I couldn’t love him the way he wanted me to…he broke down. I still remember that night like it was yesterday…I broke my best friend’s heart that day.” Jaebum’s voice was hoarse and Jackson could easily make out how he was holding his tears back.

“Did you…did he…?” Jackson asked, his voice small and about to break. Jaebum closed his eyes tightly, not answering the question immediately. “He wanted to…but I couldn’t even kiss him back…he never touched me in his conscious mind after that…it was like he knew, no matter what he did, I was never going to be with him how he wanted me to be.” Jackson released a breath he had been holding.

“And then two years, he never looked at any other guy, never tried to pry me away from my girlfriend. Completely rejected guys who were interested in him, went out with a few girls but it was never serious. Then you came along…” Jaebum looked at him, his expression unreadable.  

“He feels a lot for you, Jackson. He did, the moment he saw you. He said it was like you completely made him want to revisit his other side again. He couldn’t hold himself back with you. That’s why when he saw you with someone else, he got triggered. He felt like he was losing you to someone else like he lost me. Let me assure you that he didn’t mean to hurt you, it’s just that…he forgets who he is…his insecurities and fear take over him…and his first instinct is to claim you.” He finished uncomfortably and looked at Jackson to gauge his reaction. He didn’t have a readable reaction but Jaebum was relieved that he hadn’t stormed away.

“I am sorry you didn’t know this all before he asked you out. He didn’t mean to hide it, he was just afraid. He never opens up about his condition with people right away. Please don’t leave him. He will have a nervous breakdown if you do.” He held Jackson’s hand delicately, trying hard to convey his worry.

Jackson fidgeted in his spot. It was all too much to take in a night. He wasn’t heartless but he did need his time to process everything. It looked like Mark would need a lot of time and effort to recover from his condition and if Jackson chose to stay with him, he would have to invest himself into it and support him through and through.

“I will try my best, hyung.” Jackson managed to say as he pressed onto Jaebum’s fingers. Jaebum relaxed visibly and they both got up to go check on Mark. He was still sleeping peacefully.

“What happened today, though? Could you tell me, if you don’t mind?” Jaebum asked carefully as he stared at Mark’s calm face.

“I was meeting a girl who had been chasing me for a while now. It was getting really irritating so I told her I was dating Mark hyung and we had a good talk. We were in the parking lot when hyung spotted us. Actually, she pecked me before she drove off…I didn’t realize that was what she was going to do. He got really mad because of that.” Jackson stared at Mark’s face too, suddenly remembering how mad he had looked. Jaebum sighed because he knew why Mark had gotten angry. His crazy possessiveness was not a new thing for him to see.

His phone buzzed. “The food is here. I will go get it. You go get changed into something comfortable. Do you know where his room is?” Jackson’s face turned red at the question.

“Oh God! It’s okay, it’s okay. Just go change. Sorry that I asked, I wasn’t thinking…” Jaebum scratched his head uncomfortably.

“Come back quickly, please?” Jackson whispered and he nodded.

 **

 

Mark stirred, his head pounded hard. He tried hard to remember how he had got inside his house. He looked around and it seemed like he was alone. The shopping bags on the table made him doubt that he was forgetting some valuable piece of information. When he brought his hands to rub at his eyes, he flinched.

“What the fuck,” he looked at his knuckles and frowned. He thought back to what the hell happened but he couldn’t remember anything. The last thing he remembered was buying Jackson a surprise gift. He laid back on the couch, too exhausted to get up.

Jackson padded into the room quietly and headed to the kitchen and Mark’s eyes widened. What the hell was Jackson doing in his house, wearing his pjs and moving around like he knew the place? He picked himself up on his elbows and looked into the direction of the kitchen. Was he dreaming? Seriously, wasn’t Jaebum with him when they went shopping? He pinched himself to confirm he wasn’t hallucinating but he could clearly hear Jackson moving around in his kitchen.

He got up carefully, again flinching as his back hurt a bit and so did his arm. Was he in an accident or something? He made his way to the kitchen carefully, trying to not make any noise. Jackson was leaning against the island, his palms flat on it. His breathing was shallow and erratic and Mark didn’t know what to do. Mark’s shirt was really loose for Jackson and was hanging off his shoulder, exposing his nape. He moved forward and wound his arms loosely around the younger’s waist, planting a soft kiss on his nape. Jackson jumped at the touch and instantly whipped around.  

“Hey, it’s me, it’s me,” Mark laughed at Jackson’s reaction. The younger had his mouth open and fear was still apparent on his face. He felt bad for startling him like that so he planted a kiss on his cheek. “You look so cute in my pajamas, baby,” he pulled him closer and pecked his lips. Jackson still looked stunned and Mark didn’t know what was wrong. “What’s wrong?” he asked, confused at how Jackson was rooted to his spot with eyes wide like saucers.

“Get the fuck away from him right now,” Jaebum growled and Mark instantly let go of Jackson.

“What the hell! What are you doing here?” Mark complained. Why were both Jaebum and Jackson in his house? What had he missed?

“You had an episode. I need you to move the fuck away from him,” Jaebum pulled him by the wrist and dragged him to the living room. Mark’s head numbed at Jaebum’s words and he immediately turned around to look at Jackson. He had crouched on the floor and has his knees pulled close to his chest. What the fuck had he done this time?

“What happened?” Mark freed his wrist from Jaebum’s hold and sat down on the couch, his stomach rumbled loudly so Jaebum started unpacking the food he had ordered.

“You were mad about something, you dragged Jackson home and almost violated him. Thank God I got here on time. I had to pry you away from him and land a good slap on your face for you to snap out of it. You couldn’t differentiate in between me and him. Again! Then you passed out, you little piece of shit,” Jaebum frowned, completely pissed at Mark even when he knew it was not his fault.

Mark’s blood ran cold. He immediately got up but Jaebum stopped him. “I will punch you in the face if you go near him, Yi En.” He was pushed harshly on the couch, making him groan in pain. Things started coming back to him as he stressed his already stressed brain. Tears pooled in his eyes as he remembered pushing Jackson’s pants down. He looked at his hands like he was a murderer. What had he done? Would Jackson ever forgive him for this? Was it already ending before it even started?

“Jaebummie…oh God,” he whimpered and curled into a ball on the couch. “What have I done…oh God,” he cried loudly and it made Jaebum get up and put his head in his lap.

“Shhh, it’s okay. He is here. Calm down. Let’s get some food inside your stomach, okay?” Jaebum cooed and Mark hid his face in his stomach, still whimpering. “Come on, hyung. I am telling you, everything is going to be okay. Let’s eat something,” Jaebum ran his fingers through his locks but Mark buried himself further into his stomach.

Jackson walked into the living room and looked at Jaebum. The elder looked back at him as if embarrassed by the position he was in but Jackson blinked at him, silently telling him to take care of Mark.

“Aren’t you going to eat? I ordered Thai food and some chicken soup for you, hyungie,” Jaebum planted a kiss on his head and finally Mark looked at him with tear stained eyes. It was like Mark had forgotten Jackson was there, trying really hard to shield himself from facing him just yet.

“Did you help him?” he asked with a broken voice and Jaebum nodded. “Did I hurt him? Did I make him cry?” more tears escaped from the corner of Mark’s eyes and Jaebum held him closer. Mark clutched onto his shirt with all his might and hid into his stomach again, his muffled sobs making Jackson’s heart clench. He wanted to say something comforting to the elder but for the first time in his life, his words failed him. Suddenly he too wanted to hide in someone’s lap and forget his pains away.

Jackson looked at Jaebum warily and walked back to the kitchen because he didn’t want Mark to get worked up by his presence.

“Hyungie,” Jaebum tried to pry him away and finally succeeded. He made him sit upright and wiped his face with a tissue. The elder laid his head on his shoulder and locked his arm with him and sighed, tears still streaming from his eyes. He looked around, hoping to see Jackson but probably he was too scared to come sit with them. It made him even more uncomfortable.

“Does he hate me?” he asked Jaebum and the boy shook his head. “Did I really…?” he asked between his sobs and held onto Jaebum tightly.

“No, you didn’t. I didn’t let you. I got here in time. Thank god, the parking security saw you rush out of the lot with someone. I guessed you had Jackson with you. You threw the bags near your car. What happened Yi En? Why are you like this?” Jaebum berated him and he clung to his arm even more.

Mark thought back to what really had happened in between him and Jackson. The memory of Jackson being pecked on the lips by a girl came to his mind and he felt sick to his stomach.

“Some girl pecked him on the lips and he let her,” his head started throbbing with anger again but Jaebum rubbed his thigh soothingly, effectively distracting him from his disturbing thoughts.

“Stupid. Did you let him explain? Even I can tell you from what little I know about him that he would never cheat on you.” Mark looked at him as if he had seen a ghost.

“I don’t know what happened. I don’t know Jaebummie, I just…I just couldn’t see him with someone else. He is…Jackson is mine. I love him. I can’t…” he wailed and he hid behind his palms.

Jackson heard him loud and clear and his heart took a leap. Mark loved him? Seriously, Mark was already in love with him? That explained so much, in fact, everything. But still, hearing Mark say it was different.

“I know. And that’s why I can’t let you be near him unless you start your therapy and get yourself better. Understood?” Jaebum said sternly but in the next moment he put his arm around him and held him close.

“He didn’t leave you, Yi En. He deserves everything good for not walking out on your sorry ass after what you tried to do to him. You are going to get treatment and not miss a single session. I will see to it personally. Now stop crying and start eating.”

Mark wiped his eyes and looked in the direction of the kitchen and then at his best friend. “Is he okay? Shit, I kissed him as if nothing was wrong. I am the worst. Jackson,” he called out desperately and slowly but surely, Jackson peeked out of the kitchen. He was hiding behind the wall, only half his face was visible to Mark. In that moment, the elder wanted to smother him and beg him for forgiveness at the same time. He wanted to do everything in his power to erase the bad memories that he had given Jackson but he knew it was not going to be easy.

“I am sorry, I am so sorry,” Mark extended his hand in his direction but Jackson remained in his spot. “Are you okay, baby? Does it hurt somewhere?” Mark got up but Jaebum held him by his bicep to keep him in place. “I am sorry, I am so sorry, baby. Please don’t leave me,” his voice broke again as he looked at Jackson slowly walk out of the kitchen towards them but stand still just a few steps away. He looked small and vulnerable. His usual bright personality was suddenly gone and he looked troubled.

“I am the worst, please forgive me. I am sorry Jackson. Please, I promise, I will never touch you again, but please don’t leave me, I promise I-” he clenched his chest and cried loudly as he sat down on the couch, his legs giving up. “I love you, so much. I should be…” his sobs rocked the whole house. “I should be the one protecting you…Jackson, I am sorry. I will not lay a hand on you ever again, I will love you from afar…but please baby, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t.” Jackson whispered and walked towards Mark, cradling his head against his own stomach. “I won’t.” He repeated as Mark hugged his lower half, seeking the comfort and assurance that he so much needed. Jaebum looked up at him and searched for a sign of weakness but found none.

He ran his fingers through Mark’s locks just like Jaebum had and slowly Mark stopped crying. “I will never cheat on you, hyung. If you ever think on those lines, I will not be forgiving you again.” Mark nodded weakly at that. “I promise to share everything with you but you have to promise me that you will take your treatment properly. I am going to be with you every step of the way. Okay?” Jackson sat down beside Mark and cradled his head on his chest. “I will never leave you for who you are. Understood?” he pulled Mark away so he could look into his eyes. He cupped his face and gave him a small smile. “I need some time to move past today but I am here to stay. So, relax and eat. Do you want me to serve you the food?” Mark smiled at him warmly and he still couldn’t believe that Jackson was even talking to him, let alone sitting beside him. He hugged the younger lightly, Jaebum’s hand had suddenly found his bicep again so he let Jackson go.

“Please. I would love that.” Jackson nodded and took the food into the kitchen to reheat it. His heart felt heavy but he willed himself to do it for Mark because he knew if he reacted any other way, he was likely to have another episode. Also, when he had looked at Mark cry like that, his heart had softened. He really couldn’t bring himself to be angry with the elder after knowing that it was not entirely his fault. It was a big blessing that Jaebum had stopped anything horrible from happening.

He poured the soup into a bowl and brought it to Mark. “Hyung?” Mark looked up at him with his doe eyes and Jackson’s heart almost stopped. He was leaning against Jaebum and looking like a small child. A strong wave of protective and possessive instincts hit Jackson in that moment. “If you kiss or try to undress Jaebum hyung one more time, I am going to punch you in the gut. Jesus, let him sit properly, the man is exhausted.” Mark was pulled harshly away from Jaebum but he didn’t regret it one bit as his head landed on Jackson’s shoulder softly. He didn’t want to be anywhere else in that moment.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might think that Jackson shouldn't be able to move on with what Mark did or almost did to him so fast but he is a fighter and he will put Mark before himself, especially when he sees Jaebum do the same even as a best friend. He is hurt inside and that will show eventually but right now, his priority is his boyfriend who has indirectly confessed his love for him to his best friend.  
> Jackson will learn that coping is going to be a big part of his relationship with Mark but since he doesn't back down easily, he will hold onto what positivity he can get.   
> Mark will, for once, have to act like an adult and take his treatment seriously, especially when the two loves of his life are ready to kill him if he doesn't. A few more chapters until this ends. Thanks for reading. I love all the comments you guys leave, i am sorry if i have missed any. I want to reply to each and every one of you but i am a deadbeat so please forgive me.
> 
> Forgive any errors. It's 2:17 am here so im basically a lost cause.
> 
> xoxo


	13. Convergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some storms need to be braved together. Jaebum thinks he is the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuses. I don't know why I have done what I have done but I hope eventually it will lead me to an amazing end that will satisfy me and you.
> 
> I am sorry for the huge gap in the updates but life is a bitch and it sucks me dry with so many things at once. Thank you for leaving comments and giving this story appalling love! I know I didn't expect it at all.
> 
> xoxo

It was a little past midnight when Jaebum and Jackson helped Mark into his room and put him to bed. He was exhausted and looked like he needed more sleep. Even in his daze, he wouldn’t let go of Jaebum’s hand and Jackson couldn’t help but feel his stomach churn uncomfortably. He pushed how he felt and asked Jaebum to stay with him until he was out completely.

“But-”

“It is okay hyung, he is comfortable around you. Just be here for a while, I will be downstairs. Don’t worry.”

He didn’t wait for Jaebum to say anything, rushed out and breathed heavily. Even the beginning was rough, was he really going to be able to help Mark through this? Was he capable of handling many such episodes, God forbid, if they came? Would he be okay seeing Mark being attached to Jaebum like that? He needed a beer.

Jaebum looked at Mark and sighed. He had clutched his hand tightly and it was hard to continue sitting while his arm was twisted at a bad angle so he lay down beside the elder. “Mark?” he whispered and tried to free his hand but Mark curled up to Jaebum instead.

The last time he had been in Mark’s room with him alone was on that fateful night of their sophomore get-together. The memory was vivid and strong in his mind and being in the room took him back to that time really fast.

It was stupid Tuesday, rainy and dull and his stupid classmates had planned a get-together without informing him in advance. They were all going to meet in a posh restaurant somewhere downtown and he hardly cared about being there. However, he didn’t want Mark to suspect him meeting up with Maya so he just decided to go instead of irking the elder. He was in no mood to dress up. Fuck, he didn’t care if he looked like a hobo in the upscale restaurant so he put the first thing that he saw in his wardrobe and how he regretted it later…

Mark had worn his best that day, a black jacket over a grey t-shirt and tight fitting blue denims. He looked really good, so good that the girls were already fawning over him when he reached the restaurant. But Mark only had eyes for him. Jaebum had felt inferior being the only one wearing absolutely casual clothes but the elder’s eyes had raked him down like they always did from across the table. It made his hair stand on end because he was intense, he really was. There was something deeply intimidating about his stare, so much that he could not hold it. He had looked away hastily, tried to engage in conversation with the others and in that split moment Mark had got up, startling everyone at the table.

“Jaebum, come with me.” It had made a shiver run down his spine, the voice so unlike Mark’s. He had stood up but didn’t move.

“I said, come with me.” The elder had quickly reached his side of the table and grabbed him by the wrist.

“Guys, sorry, I just realized we have somewhere to be, it’s important, sorry.” Mark pulled him away before Jaebum could say anything.

“Yi En…” Fear started to descend on him as Mark harshly pushed him into his car. “Where are we going? Hyung…what is wrong?” he was genuinely worried that Mark was having an episode.

“I just need to talk to you, just this once Jaebum, please,” he pleaded as they drove off.

Twenty agonizing moments of silence later, Mark had pulled up inside his driveway and Jaebum thought this was it. He was going to tell Mark that he could have him, however he wanted, and that he was okay. He was going to do this for Mark, it was going to be so hard but he was going to do it because he cared, he cared beyond his own happiness.

Mark had pulled him inside, dragging him towards his room before locking the door behind him. There was no one in his big mansion anyway so he didn’t know why Mark had gone through all the trouble but he didn’t have the courage to ask. It was going to be a tough night. Maya’s face appeared in front of his eyes and his heart dropped.

“I understand, Jae. I know how you feel and its okay. I am going to be here, if you need me.” She had hugged him tight before leaving him a crying mess in the bar they usually frequented. He had just dropped a bomb on her but she had not even batted an eyelid, as if she knew this was coming. Who was that woman? How did he even find her?

He was brought out of his thoughts when Mark caged him against the door and whimpered. “Jaebummie,” he nuzzled into his hair and Jaebum’s heart started to break into little pieces.

“I can’t see you with her…I just…I am trying but…I feel so mad inside…why her? Why not me? Where do I fall short baby?” Mark spoke between hiccups as he delicately cupped his face.

“I love you more than myself Jaebum…I will do anything for you…just give me one chance…please. I love you Jaebum, I really need you,” Mark held him in a light embrace and his body shook with a violent sob. Jaebum couldn’t help but put his arms around him. He had chosen to avoid Mark after he had taken him to the doctor. The elder had almost hit him in front of the doctor that day, told him that he was the reason why his life was such a mess, that he was responsible for how weak he had become. It had broken something in Jaebum, it had hurt him really badly even if he knew that Mark was just spewing non-sense due to his temper. But there was some truth to it all. He was the reason why Mark had become like that. His parents were the reason why Mark had become like that. They were all responsible for him being so radioactive all the time.

Mark’s grip tightened around him but he didn’t stop crying. It broke Jaebum’s heart to see him like that.

“Hyungie…” Mark just went on his knees and clutched his thighs tightly. He cried like a child begging for something he couldn’t have.

“Please…please…Jaebum please…I can’t be without you…I need you…I love you Jaebum…” he cried into his thighs. It moved something inside Jaebum, the yearning, the pain and the loss that Mark was experiencing that day was all because of him. Why couldn’t he love him? He had spent countless nights thinking about why he couldn’t, he had never found an answer. It just didn’t happen for him but he was going to do anything it took to make Mark happy. If the elder got another emotional blow, he was afraid he was going to lose him forever. Jaebum crouched and held him by the shoulders.

“Okay, hyungie. I will give you a chance, okay? Please stop crying,” his own eyes were wet with tears because fine, he was going to do this for Mark. He was going to do it because he was his best friend, he was someone he deeply cared about, he was someone he couldn’t see in pain and drowned in self-pity and sorrow. He didn’t want Mark to brave heart break alone, he couldn’t risk losing Mark to the games his brain played on him. He was too precious.

Mark looked up at him, surprised. His eyes shed bigger tears and he hugged Jaebum with all the strength he had in his body.

“C..a..n..t b..r..e..a..t..h..e” he whimpered because Mark was so heavy and he felt like his ribs were going to give in.

“Please tell me this is not a joke,” he cried into his neck as he threaded his fingers into his hair. “I will die if you say that it is…it’s not funny Jaebum.”

Jaebum willed himself and hugged him back with all his might. “I am not joking. I cannot see you hurting. How can I be happy when you are like this?” he murmured, a few stray tears escaping his eyes.

Mark cried loudly, it wasn’t what he was expecting to do after Jaebum had finally agreed to give him a chance. All he could think about was making him happy, giving him all the love that he felt in his heart. Jaebum had changed his life for good, it was all so much better ever since he had walked in. He couldn’t think about living without him and he knew he could never find someone to replace him. What he felt was fierce, so much that it had taken over him completely. He was obsessed and now he was finally given the permission to let it all out, just be with the boy in a way he always dreamed of being. Mark’s heart was full to the brink.

He let go of the younger and stared into his tear stained eyes. “I love you so much. I will never let you cry again. I promise.” He smiled, lightly rubbing Jaebum’s cheekbone with his thumb. “You mean everything to me, you always will.” Jaebum smiled back weakly, somehow the smile didn’t reach his eyes but Mark was too dazed to notice. He hauled the younger up and hugged him again, relishing his warm body against himself, breathing his scent and just living in the moment where Jaebum was his. He had found someone to love and he understood how beautiful it felt to be given a chance.

He grabbed him by the wrist and led him to the bed. Jaebum’s heart hammered wildly in his chest. He knew how it was going to go but it scared the shit out of him. The only thing he thought in that moment was to stall Mark. Yes, he was ready to be with the elder, but not like that, not yet.

“Yi En…what are you doing?” he asked apprehensively as he sat at the corner of the bed, his eyes wide and scared.

Mark seemed to notice. “Don’t worry, I am not gonna…umm…I just wanted you to be comfortable…I won’t make you do something that you are not comfortable with…I promise…” he gulped and looked away. In his heart, he just wanted to ravish Jaebum then and there, he had held onto his desires for too long and looking at the younger, he felt like his insides were on fire.

He clenched his fists tight, his head started pounding wildly so he went on to fetch a beer and downed it in a go. He clenched and unclenched his fists in frustration because there were still so many things stopping him from being the way he wanted to be with the younger.  

“Jaebum…I…” suddenly his throat was dry again and he paced back towards the younger, got on his knees and looked at him dead in the eye. “I…it’s hard for me to…hold back…and…my head hurts…can you…I don’t know…just let me hold you close or something?”

The younger looked into his eyes, fear, confusion and a little bit of pain making its presence felt with how his eyes blinked back tears. Mark backed away a bit, his heart not ready to see Jaebum like that just minutes after he was given a chance. “It’s okay. I don’t want to hurt you. I am sorry.” He whispered and turned away. He gulped down the lump in his throat. Was Jaebum doing it out of pity? Did he not feel anything at all for him? Was he so undeserving of love in his life? Why was he alive? Why was he the one always to be left behind by his parents and by Jaebum? Why? He curled into a ball on the floor and tried to will himself to throw his bad thoughts away but sometimes his demon wouldn’t let him. It snickered and said things like ‘You are worthless,’, ‘Nobody loves little Yi En’, ‘You are going to be alone forever,’ and Mark felt like killing himself and ending it all.

“Yi En…” Jaebum whispered and patted his arm lightly. Mark didn’t have the will or the strength to move. It was too much, sudden happiness, sudden sadness left him exhausted and his mind was confused and annoyed.

“Go.” Mark said and Jaebum gulped. He wasn’t going to leave Mark alone in this situation, no way. He was sure that the elder was having dark thoughts and it just wasn’t safe for him to be alone.

“No, I am here for you, please. Hold me,” Jaebum whispered and Mark lifted his arm to let Jaebum snuggle up to him. The tip of the younger’s nose nudged his Adam’s apple and he pulled him closer.

“I love you Im Jaebum, you are everything good there is in this dark world of mine. I love you,” quick kisses were planted on his head and Jaebum couldn’t help but feel a little warm inside. Mark did really love him and who was he to deny that it felt good to be loved by someone so passionately. He hummed and wrapped his arm around Mark apprehensively.

Mark’s brain was slowly becoming fuzzy and his demon was suddenly nowhere to be found. He felt cocooned in the warmth that the boy surrounded him with and he wouldn’t trade it with anything in the world. He nuzzled into the younger’s hair and planted a chaste kiss on his forehead. “You are so beautiful,” he titled his chin down and looked into Jaebum’s eyes, gaze flickering to the twin moles.

Jaebum snorted. “I am a guy, I am handsome. Don’t call me beautiful.” A sharp hit landed on the elder’s arm after that and Mark couldn’t help but laugh. It died within a moment when he got lost staring at Jaebum’s face.

“You are beautiful. Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?” he said softly while he caressed the younger’s cheek. “I have had dreams about holding you in my arms like this…Jaebum…I have waited for so long.” His hot breath tingled the younger’s face and he instinctively closed his eyes. “So long that it hurts…” he nudged his cheek with his nose and made a guttural sound which made a pit form in the younger’s stomach. “It hurts to be away, every moment is a torture, love,” a small kiss was planted on his cheek and he opened his eyes to look at Mark.

“Hyungie…” he knew there was no stopping this so he gulped his fear and apprehension away. May be this was what Mark needed, assurance that Jaebum was his, a release for all his feelings. If Jaebum had told him he was going to be with him then he was going to have to keep his word. He closed his eyes and composed himself. He was going to let this happen whether he was comfortable or not. He slowly moved so he was on his back. Mark hovered over him, still staring dazedly at his face.

“I am here, I am yours. Make your pain go away hyungie, make it go away.” That was all it took for Mark to lose control. He breathed heavily and was on all fours in an instant. He inched closer, breath tickling Jaebum’s face warmly. His nose nudged his cheek and led towards his neck. He shivered at the sensation.

“Love how you smell…you are so warm,” he nibbled at the soft skin under the younger’s ear and felt his heart hammer loudly in his chest. His tongue traced a path from his ear to his collar bone and he could feel Jaebum squirm.

He delicately brushed his sides and rested his palms on the dip of his hip bones. “Umm…Yi En…” Jaebum held his hands tight because fear had gripped him full force. His palms were sweaty and clammy and he felt uncomfortable in his skin.

“Shhh…” Mark shushed him and nudged the tip of his nose with his own and softly kissed his lips. The pressure was minimum but Jaebum was already panicking inside. There was a soft smile on the elder’s lips as he stared at his face in awe. Their eyes met and Mark kissed Jaebum with intent this time. His lips softly nudged the younger’s but there was no response. Mark thought the boy was nervous so he let out a small giggle and tried again.

He tugged at the younger’s lower lip gently, holding it between his teeth. Jaebum snapped his eyes shut but did not move. Mark then couldn’t hold himself back and moved his lips strongly against his but Jaebum couldn’t respond. Instead he had squeaked and slightly pushed Mark away.

Hurt and rejection immediately set in Mark’s heart as he saw Jaebum slowly get up and eye him warily. He cupped Mark’s face and silent tears made their way through the younger’s eyes. Mark knew he was never going to have Jaebum, never going to have his love in that moment. It sunk, finally, and he just moved away, distraught.

He felt angry, frustrated, hurt, sad, wary and disappointed all at once and for Mark, those were a lot of feelings. He clutched his chest and a sob rocked his form. He yelled so loudly in the next moment that Jaebum couldn’t move. He was scared, angry, sad and broken himself and seeing Mark like that intensified his pain. He had hurt the elder twice, brutally at that. He could never forgive himself for what he had done or what he couldn’t do for Mark.

Mark cried, refusing to give in to Jaebum’s comforting arms, pushing him away harshly as he curled into a ball yet again. Twenty minutes later, his body didn’t rock as hard and his sobs died down. Jaebum held him close and uttered apologies after apologies in his ear, kissing his head and holding him tighter with every occasional sob.

“I may not love you the way you want, but I do love you. Even if I cannot promise you a happily ever after, I promise you my life, hyung. I will never ever leave your side, for any which reason, I will never leave you. This is one promise I will never break, until my dea-” Mark had immediately hugged him tight and cried in the crook of his neck even harder.

Jaebum had relaxed knowing Mark had understood how much he meant to him. That night he had held the broken pieces of Mark and his broken heart and ever since had been by his side, not leaving him alone even for a moment. He had been his shadow, picking piece after piece and trying to put him back together whole, waiting patiently for him to find love, being Mark’s constant pillar of support and endless affection. It made him cry, the thought of how long they had come. Mark had finally found love, someone to take care of him and looking at how Jackson had handled everything today, he knew that he was a keeper. There was a glimmer of hope for Mark, there was love in store. His heart was full of so many emotions that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He blamed it on Mark for turning him into such a sap.

He stared at Mark’s sleeping face, his heart doing a sudden flip-flop. He inched forward and planted a kiss on his forehead. This obstinate, difficult, angry volcano of a man had wormed his way deep inside his heart, so much that he didn’t know if he could survive without him.

“I love you, Yi En,” he sniffled and for the first in his life willingly kissed his lips lightly. Mark shifted and whined. “Jack…son…” he muttered before curling to Jaebum’s side, looking for comfort from the person who needed it the most.

 

**

Jackson chugged the last of his third beer and banged the bottle on the table. The familiar buzz hitting him and relaxing his nerves was really what he needed. This was not how he thought he was going to spend this night. He was going to excitedly pack for their getaway. He was going to have nice dreams about being with Mark and just lying in his arms all weekend. Tears pricked his eyes fast and he cried into his own arms without breaking the silence around him. What he would give to just skip this day!

After a little while, he felt his chest lighten, thanks to all the tears. He made his way towards the couch and made himself comfortable. He looked at the things that were spread on the coffee table and a gift wrapped box caught his eye. It was not a very big box but compared to the other things that were lying around it, it looked really attractive. He contemplated on opening it but he wasn’t sure what it was or who it belonged to. He saw all the expensive clothes and things Mark had bought but still, he wanted to know what was in the box.

Soft footsteps padded down the stairs and Jackson craned his neck up to look at Jaebum. His hair was a mess and his face looked contorted with pain…what had gone wrong? Jackson had no energy to guess. He had already had enough for the day. His body and mind were giving in to the exhaustion so he just stared at Jaebum who sat down beside him and sighed.

“You must be tired. Here, I got you a comforter and a pillow.” The elder lightly patted the things he had placed beside himself and closed his eyes. He looked battered and exhausted, his face pale and absent of his usual glow and smugness. He looked so unlike the Jaebum he knew that Jackson felt his gut twist uncomfortably. This day had brought so many bad memories for the three of them and Jackson thought Jaebum didn’t deserve to be the only one bearing the burden of the situation.

“Take off your shirt,” Jackson mumbled, fishing out pain relief balm from the small paper bag of meds the doctor had left.

Jaebum didn’t move but grunted. His body ached in so many different places and in so many different ways. He swallowed the lump that formed in his throat when he thought about his heart.

“I said off, hyung,” Jackson slurred impatiently. Jaebum sighed again and finally got his shirt off, wincing at the pain that shot through his lower back.

Jackson gave him enough space to lie down on his stomach and suddenly felt wide awake when he saw the many bruises and cuts on the elder’s back.

“Hyung,” he lightly trailed his hand on his shoulder where a particularly blue bruise had made an appearance. “Oh my God,” his voice broke as he felt Jaebum’s pain channel through his own body. It felt like hell. The man had not even bothered to deal with so many bruises all this while, continuously being there to support him and Mark. Jackson felt useless and small in the grand scheme of things. He had only been a problem while Jaebum had been a bigger part of the solution in Mark’s life.

He lightly lifted the tank that Jaebum was wearing and the elder squirmed. “You are badly bruised, hyung. You should have told me. The doctor was here, you should have asked for some pain meds. Why are you like this?” he berated as he gently rubbed some ointment on the bruises on his lower back.

“The adrenaline shunned the pain and later Yi En…well, he needed me and you needed me. I just didn’t get the time-”

“Let me get something through very clearly to you, hyung. It’s pretty clear we are in this together. Next time, you don’t suffer alone like this. No matter what it is…you just tell me. I…I want to help too, hyung…” Jackson stopped his ministrations for a second as he tried to hold himself together. His mouth had no control now that the beer was doing its job. Jaebum hummed.

They went silent and the big living room was only filled with moans and winces as Jackson covered all the bruises with ointment and cleaned the wound on his arm. The elder sat up on the couch and put his head back. Jackson could clearly see the signs of deep exhaustion on Jaebum’s face but he couldn’t stop the barrage of thoughts that attacked his mind.

He knew it wasn’t the time nor the place to voice what he felt but he was far gone from restraining himself. Was he really going to regret being straight forward? Would Jaebum care to answer to him honestly? Would he even answer him? He didn’t care. In that moment, he just wanted to get rid of the fear he had, he wanted to forget this day and the emotions it ignited in his heart. He wanted to be with Mark and if something was making him feel apprehensive about that then he was just going to get rid of it. May be he could get rid of it…or not? He felt dumb, numb and scared. He felt vulnerable and suddenly missed Mark and his comforting smile. His heart did a painful take when he pictured the elder. He looked at Jaebum whose face was peaceful but still looked contemplative, a frown decorating it which told Jackson that what he was doing was dangerous. Sirens blared in his head but he went against his better judgment and opened his mouth.

“You love him, don’t you?” Jackson asked meekly as he covered Jaebum with the comforter he had brought. It was something he just knew when he saw how Jaebum looked at Mark. It was magnetic and different but very intense and voracious. He couldn’t help but think that Mark really didn’t need him in his life because he had Jaebum. May be it was about time they realized they were meant for each other. Jackson felt his heart clench at the thought of losing Mark like that, he had just had him for a minute…he had just been with him in that rosy phase and suddenly…well…if Mark was going to be happy and without an episode because of Jaebum then would he really mind letting the elder go? His heart answered instantly, ‘No’. That was the moment he realized that he too felt deeply for Mark. He didn’t know if this was love but he knew that it ran deeper than just attraction. He cared for the elder, he wanted the man to be genuinely happy and if Jaebum was the answer to his happiness then so be it.

Jaebum was silent after he heard the boy speak. His heart beat spiked. He didn’t know if he could give the boy an answer because he didn’t know what he felt in that moment. He just knew Mark was everything to him and he was ready to give himself even more to him if he needed. He was prepared beyond measure. He just didn’t know what kind of feelings he now had for the elder. All these years, he had never felt confused or even questioned himself…but today…seeing Mark up close like that after years, clingy and needy, hurt and angry…it had just awakened something in him. May be he needed Mark more than Mark needed him. Did that make him a giant prick? Was he going to be a selfish little bitch and keep Mark all to himself? He wasn’t sure but one thing he was sure about was that Jackson didn’t deserve to be hurt. He only deserved the best after what he had braved today. He was glad his conscience didn’t betray him at the last moment. He opened his eyes and craned his neck to look at Jackson.

“I do.” Tears dropped from Jackson’s eyes unrestrained. Jaebum thumbed the younger’s cheek delicately, wiping a few of them away. “And he loves you, Jackson.”

“But I can…I can let him go…you…you can definitely keep…keep him happier,” the younger hiccupped, the words clenching his heart even harder. Sobs rocked his body and he felt his residual energy drain really fast. A bad headache was setting in, he could feel his entire body throb.

“He loves you, Jackson. He is just dependent on me…and you will soon be seeing him depending on you more. He truly wants you, Jackson. I love him as a friend and nothing more. I have just…just grown too close to him…I feel responsible and guilty…it hurts sometimes…” Jaebum held his face in his hands and willed himself to not break down. “He is my best friend…I don’t have anybody else…he has been everything to me…we practically grew up together…his parents sort of entrusted him to me…and I just…I don’t know, I am weak for him. We have been through a lot…” he mumbled from behind his hands. It was all muffled but Jackson made sense of every word.

Jaebum looked into his eyes then. “I wish it could be simple…I wish I could just love him like he is meant to be loved…but…I…he loves you and you can give him what he deserves, Jackson. I really want to see him happy with you…he whispered your name even in his sleep. It says a lot about that dimwit,” Jaebum chuckled warily. “There’s hardly anyone he gives that much importance.”

Jackson let out a breath he was holding because…okay, Mark was really into him. But what Jackson couldn’t comprehend was how Jaebum felt about Mark. Did he just need a nudge? Was it even fair for him to be thinking on these lines when Jaebum was stressing on the fact that Mark was in love with him? It felt wrong and now his brain was a mess.

“Just sleep, stupid. You are tired. I am going to sleep right here. Thank the Tuans for furnishing the place so lavishly,” he patted Jackson’s shoulder and moved to take the other big couch.

“Hyung?” he whispered and Jaebum stopped midway.

“Hmm?”

“If you ever fall in love with him…like truly in love…with him…I will take a step back. I will let him go.”

“Why?”

“Because…even if I am the one he wants, you are the one he needs.”

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you to be vocal about what you feel. Talk to me, okay? I am eager to know your take on everything. Confusion is really problematic but my heart goes out to both Jackson and Jaebum and by consequence to Mark because he has two gems looking over him and caring for his angry, sorry ass. Talk to me.
> 
> xoxo


	14. Fate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark may have messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, sorry for the delay. This is a short update but I didn't think it needed to be longer than this. 
> 
> This was an emotionally exhausting chapter to write. 
> 
> I hope you like it.
> 
> xoxo

Mark could feel the calm of the night on his skin, the buzzing of the cicadas and the breezy, cold wind made him smile gently. The comfort of his blankets wrapped around him made him feel content and he couldn’t help a satisfied sigh from escaping. He didn’t however expect someone to silently tiptoe into his room. His eyes flashed open with panic as he felt movement around his bed and he immediately bolted up.

“Shh shh hey, it’s me,” Jaebum whispered and Mark felt his heartbreak slowly get back to normal. He fumbled for the light switch and a warm golden glow filled the room.

“What are you doing here still? Didn’t you go home yet?”

Jaebum was, however, silent and unmoving in his spot on the edge of the bed. It made Mark throw his covers away and move towards him.

“What is wrong?”

Jaebum looked at him and the look in his eyes was something he never expected seeing. It was sad and guilty. If Jaebum could read Mark like an open book then Mark was adept enough to know how Jaebum felt when he was uncomfortably quiet.

“What is it, Jaebummie?” Mark asked softly as he put his arm around the younger’s slumped shoulders.

Jaebum’s breath picked up at the slight contact and his body went rigid momentarily before relaxing. Mark couldn’t help but feel even more confused.

“Yi En…” a single tear escaped Jaebum’s eye and rolled down his cheek. Mark felt like his heart was slowly breaking.

“Did I do something I shouldn’t have done? I don’t remember, Jaebum. Did I hurt you? Oh my God,” Mark panicked and moved away from him. He tried to jog his memory but nothing came up. There was a static buzz in his ears which was slightly worrisome because he had no recollection of his actions at all. What the hell had happened?

“No. You didn’t do anything…I just…Yi En, I,” Jaebum’s body rocked with a powerful sob and Mark immediately moved towards him to wrap him in an embrace. It was uncomfortable because they were sitting side by side and Jaebum didn’t make any move to comfortably situate himself in his arms.

“Just tell me, what is bothering you?”

“I love you.”

“Okay? You know I love you too, stupid. Why are you crying about it?” Mark snorted because Jaebum was just being stupid.

“No. Seriously, I love you, the kind of love that you always wanted from me. I feel that now.” His voice was thin but his words clear. Mark suddenly felt his heartbeat skyrocket. He loosened his hold and cleared his throat.

“What?” he looked at Jaebum in confusion and bit his lip. This wasn’t really happening, right? Why was Jaebum suddenly saying such a thing?

“I can’t…can’t stop thinking about you these days…ever since you and Jackson…I worry more and I want to take care of you…please…give me a chance Yi En…” he sniffled and met his eyes, a deep yearning showing all too clearly in them.

Mark moved even more away from him and shook his head.

“This can’t be happening. You are mental. You are just mistaking your worry for love, Jaebummie. You can’t…you have Maya…you are not gay. You are being stu-”

Jaebum closed the distance between them and planted his lips square on Mark’s. He squeaked in surprise and nudged him away.

“What the hell!” Mark wiped his mouth, shocked.

Jaebum stood up abruptly and started unbuttoning his own shirt. Panic filled Mark’s chest so fast that he stopped breathing. The younger’s shirt was on the floor and he stepped closer to Mark. He pulled him up by the wrist and grabbed him by his nape.

“Jaebum…I am with Jackson…what the hell are you doing?” Mark tried to free himself but surprisingly Jaebum held him in place with all his strength.

“Look at me,” he whispered in a low tone in Mark’s ear and he felt a shiver run down his spine. “You have always wanted me, Yi En.” He nibbled at the sensitive skin below his earlobe and Mark whimpered. “Yi En…take me to bed. I love you so fucking much.” His lips tugged at Mark’s hungrily and Mark’s resolve crumbled bit by bit. Jaebum had always been intoxicating, his vicinity doing a number on him even after all these years.

“Don’t you like me, Yi En? Don’t you like how I smell?” Jaebum pulled him closer until his chest was flush against him. “Haven’t you always dreamed of having me under you, love?”

Jaebum guided his hands towards his hips and swayed in his arms, rubbing himself on him slowly. Lust shot through Mark’s veins so fast that he felt dizzy. This was the man he always wanted, his first true love, the man who gave him sleepless nights, tears, heartbreak, pain, security, a feeling of home when he had felt all alone!

“Make love to me, Yi En,” he felt kisses being peppered on his face, his jaw, his neck and finally a sting on his collar bone. He felt himself going hard in his pyjamas. His body was hot and he felt bothered. “I want you, Yi En. I can’t wait anymore, I need you so badly. Please…” he felt his shirt being unbuttoned and finally he just couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He pushed Jaebum on the bed and straddled him. His palms were flat on his chest, feeling the rhythmic rise of the younger’s heartbeat. The blush on Jaebum’s body made it look even more beautiful. Mark felt himself throb even more painfully.

He bent down and hungrily kissed Jaebum, whimpering as he grinded himself slowly on Jaebum. The younger took a sharp breath at the sensation and pulled him closer. Mark was already biting his chin, planting hungry kisses on his neck when he heard some movement near the door. It had been shut quietly but the sound didn’t escape Mark’s ears. He stopped and looked towards it, heaving heavily and Jaebum suddenly raised his hips to get some friction. A breathy moan escaped him until he heard his security bell chime. The front door of the mansion was left open. He got up and looked at Jaebum.

“Who was that?”

“Jackson. He must have left,” Jaebum reached for his hand again but Mark shoved it away. Panic was rising in his chest again, his head started throbbing unbearably.

“He was here all this time?”

Jaebum nodded impatiently, already getting up and trying to pull him back on the bed. “It’s okay. He will understand. He is a big boy.” He hugged Mark close and started kissing his neck again.

“Are you listening to yourself?” he was pushed away angrily and Mark rushed downstairs.

“JACKSON! JACKSON!” he yelled at the top of his voice but there was no response. His heart started beating out of his chest, a sweat breaking on his forehead. His legs felt weak and he felt dizzy.

“He left, Yi En. He knows, he knows that you still love me.” Jaebum held him a back hug.

“NO! I love him, I love Jackson. JACKSON!” Everything went dark after that, as if he had suddenly lost his eyesight.

 

Mark got up in a cold sweat and looked around. And before he knew it, he was yelling for Jackson.

It was still early in the morning and Jackson had hardly gone into a slumber when Mark had yelled for him. He scrambled out of the couch and rushed upstairs. He threw the door open and looked at Mark. The elder was shaking with fear and his eyes were full of tears. His hair was a mess and his face was flushed as if he was going through severe pain.

“Hyung…” he wasn’t sure if he could go near Mark right away because he didn’t want to scare the man more. Mark looked up at him and threw his blanket off of himself.

“Jackson…” he cried big fat tears and he slowly walked towards him. He held Jackson in a tight hug and cried into the crook of his neck like a little boy. The younger patted his back lightly, too surprised to do anything else.

“What happened?” he hugged Mark close and finally asked him after he calmed down a bit.

“Don’t leave me. Please don’t. I…I can’t take it, I can’t even take it in my dream…if…if you actually leave me, I will die.” He hugged the younger tighter and felt being hugged back just as tight.

“I am here, I am not leaving you, just calm down. What kind of a dream did you see? You are still shaking,” he threaded his fingers through the elder’s hair and pushed him towards the bed. After Mark sat down on the bed, he kneeled in front of him and wiped at his eyes gently.

“Angry bird is such a baby.” He snorted as Mark sniffled and leaned into his touch. The elder made grabby hands at him and Jackson didn’t have the heart to reject him, so he stood close to him. Mark hugged his waist and nuzzled into his stomach and Jackson resumed massaging his scalp.

“Was it a nightmare?” Mark tightened his hold on him at the question. He weakly nodded. Jackson bent down and planted a kiss on his head.

“You are just tired, hyung. You should forget everything and go to sleep. Nobody is leaving you, okay? Jaebum hyung and I are here. Don’t feel scared,” Jackson cupped his face and made him look at him.

“But…but what if I make a mess? What if I do something you will never be able to forgive me for? I don’t trust myself anymore. I don’t want to hurt you. I want to love you, so much. I want to make you the happiest person in the world, baby. What if I fail?” tears streamed freely from the corner of Mark’s eyes and Jackson’s eyes went moist just like that.

“You won’t. And even if you mess up, I will forgive you. You have my word, I will forgive, no matter what you do. You don’t have to-”

“What if I cheat on you? What then? I was with Jaebum in my dream. I was willing…I was willing…I don’t trust myself one bit.”

Jackson took in a sharp breath at that and a few stray tears escaped his eyes. He did not expect the elder to ask him such a question. It was still a very sensitive topic for him. No matter how much he wanted Mark to be happy, he was still bound to get hurt if Mark chose Jaebum over him. Immense hurt would always be his first response to a situation like that. He held Mark tighter and tried not to cry.

“He is with Maya, isn’t he? Why would you be with him when he is not even gay?” Jackson knew he was saying it to convince himself more than Mark. He had seen how Jaebum felt for Mark in his eyes and unfortunately there was no erasing it.

He felt more tears blind his eyes and he again cupped Mark’s face and looked at him.

“And if you want to be with him, you can. I won’t stop you. I won’t be mad. You just met me. He has been with you for so long…I can’t…I can’t expect you to choose me over him…that’s wrong. If you want to-”

Mark shook his head fervently and went back to hugging him. “I want to be with you. It’s you that my heart wants now. I love you.”

Jackson broke down at those words and got on his knees. He hid his face in Mark’s chest and they both cried silently because it was all so difficult and exhausting.

The emotional stress had tired Mark. He leaned on Jackson heavily while patting his back to give him some comfort.

“I am sorry you got into all this…I wish I was normal…that it was easy to be with me…that I didn’t feel so strongly for you the minute I laid eyes on you,” he planted a kiss on the younger’s head and sighed. It was true. The reason why he had never pursued serious relationships because he knew nobody would stay with him for long after actually knowing his problems. Mark was a complicated person and there was no way around it. But Jackson had him writhing since the very first time he had seen him. Everything about the boy was magnetic. He was drawn into Jackson’s warmth one day at a time. He couldn’t forget how Jackson made him feel just by smiling or talking animatedly. He was a beautiful boy, there was no way Mark could stop feeling for him. He was everything pure and innocent in this world. It was all too addicting and it made the yearning in his heart grow stronger. He wanted to smother Jackson with his love and affection but it didn’t come without a price.

Jackson rubbed his nose against Mark’s throat. “Don’t even think on those lines. You are amazing. I am glad that I know such an interesting person, hyung,” he giggled and looked into Mark’s eyes. “I don’t think I would be interested in you if you would have been any different,” he nudged Mark’s nose with his own and smiled brightly. It made Mark’s heart swell with affection and before he knew it, he was sucking on Jackson’s bottom lip expectantly. He heard Jackson let out another soft giggle before closing his eyes and responding to his touch. The kiss was soft yet passionate and Mark knew he was in love with a man who was here to stay, in spite of all his flaws. He deepened the kiss at the realization, asking for permission, albeit hesitantly, but Jackson opened up for him happily. His tongue played with Jackson’s liberally, exploring his mouth eagerly until he heard the younger moan into his mouth.

They separated at that, Jackson’s face too red and eyes downcast and Mark’s breathing heavy and uneven.

“Thank you,” the elder whispered softly as he caressed Jackson’s jaw with his thumb.

“Do you say thank you to everyone who loves you?"

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be ready for a time skip and Mark's impatience.

**Author's Note:**

> Let's be honest and leave comments for the poor author, yeah?  
> Thanks for reading <3  
> Marksondaejae, I am so generous and weird. Deal with it, you little bubble.


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